Hi guys,

After two years, and around £500, I have finally made my sitcom. Would love to see what you think and get some feedback from you.

If you only have 3 mins here is a scene - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OA9P48s9HF8

If you have 30 minutes then this is the full episode - http://vimeo.com/52326482

Any feedback you have would be much appreciated.

thanks

Steve

Really well done on getting it made - that is a some serious dedication. I thought it was really well produced.

Obviously that was only one scene, but I didn't really feel like I got to know your main character. We found out a lot about the boss, but nothing about the guy doing the voice over. I would personally have liked a shorter voice over / montage bit and more interaction between the two characters on the train.

But other than that, I really liked it and I am very impressed that you have managed to get it made yourself. Good luck!

Thank you, that is really kind. I also attached the full episode - hopefully you'll get more of an idea re the main character from that.

Thanks for your comments, really appreciate them.

I like the three minute scene, too: the fire monitor running gag was very funny, and how he took over the narrator's paper.

Really like this. It's the kind of style I would like my idea for a sitcom - The Bus, to be like.

Well done

Thant looks very good Steve. At work so could only watch the trailer and the opening credits to to whole thing (which was very well done). Nice work young man.

Hi Steve

Just seen your 3 minute video, thought it was great, will get round to watching the full length version, but they are paying me to work today, so have to do my stuff in small 3/4 minute sections,
Keep up the good work

First of all this is really nicely done, funny well filmed and economic script.

Problem is it's not really sitcom. It's an excellent sketch, but we're told everything and there's no interchange etc.

I think if you look at sitcoms they're usually about people talking to each other and annoying each other. But this is is kinda static and narrated.

It's a great sample piece, but I'd writer a very diferent script to accompany it.

Just wanted to say a big thanks for all your comments. I've read them all and am blown away by them! Take your point about the sketch feel, and you're probably right. Thanks again for watching, really do appreciate it.

Steve - I have just watched the first 20 minutes of the whole episode (streaming frozen for some bastard reason so I can't watch the end). I can honestly say that this is the best self made thing I have ever seen on this site. I think the characters are well defined from the start and although nothing startling happens I thoroughly enjoyed watching it. It wasn't just a bunch of lads firing witty comments back and forth (which you see a lot of in Critique)The toilet bit was a LOL and little things like his coat getting stuck all the time were very funny.

I want to see more and would definitely watch this if it was on TV. Where have you got with promoting it with TV production companies?

This is very impressive, excellent work. Only had a chance to watch the 1st half and the exctract so far, but it's lovely.

For my money, I like the laconic comedy about the drab minutiae of his life (lift fart email; monologue about annoying boss) more than the big traditional set pieces (awkward family meal; locked in disabled toilet), but that's probably just me. I like comedy where basicallly nothing happens, which I know puts me in a minority.

The shot where he vacillates over how many kisses to put on the email is perfect, that's worth more than whole episodes of some sit coms I've seen.

Watched the whole thing is very good, it's got a deffo peep show vibe to it which is good

Seriously I'd rate this as being amongst the very few best things in BCG (Pedo crossing and why hello john are probably the others)

problem is I would still use it mostly as samplers because where as it's funny and well put together. Seriously very professional, how many rehersals?

It's lacking that sitcom something. I think it's that in other narrated sitcoms they're either reflecting on the action (The Wonder years), or offering an alternate perspective (peep show)

yours is telling the actual story and that isnt very sitcom. So I'd work on getting a script extract based on this excellent video to send when sending it places.

Hi Will! Thanks SO much for the comments. Really made my day! It's always so scary putting something like this out there, you never know how people will react to your work so it's great that you seem to like it. So I am struggling a bit to be honest. I emailed and sent DVDs to Hat Trick, Baby Cow, Silver River, Tiger Aspect, RDF and Objective. Only got responses from Silver River - don't take unsoliciated material. And Tiger Aspect - it wasn't for them. I noticed that Wildseed Studios are looking for new stuff so sent over an application to them, waiting to hear back. And I also mailed Jody Smith of Channel 4 who seemed to like it and suggested submitting it to the Channel 4 Comedy Blaps format, which I have now done. Presuming nothing comes back from Blaps or Wildseed then I am not sure where to go next, who to approach, what to do with it. Any advice would be amazing!

Gappy - what amazing comments! Thanks so much! I am stupidly pleased that you noticed the 'kisses' on the email! I didn't think anyone noticed that and I was so pleased when I wrote it but didn't feel like it came out in the production, so thanks for noticing! I am like you - I quite like a show about the minutiae of life, where nothing major happens. Really pleased it came over so well.

And Sootyj, again thanks for the great feedback. It really is appreciated!

Hi Steve, I finished watching the end today and was not disappointed. The 5 guess rule was very funny because it's true. I really wish you well with this. I am only an average Joe so can't really advise on how to progress with getting it made but if you have made the first one for £500 how about trying crowdsourcing to finance the rest and film them your self. This was an interesting article from last year. I don't know f this format as been successful or in any other companies have followed suit. Why not take a punt and ring Netflix etc.

PS Good performances all round but Rich Keeble is really believable, funny and likeable as Stan. Buy him a pint from me next time you see him.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/10/10/us-amazon-hollywood-crowd-idUSBRE8990JH20121010

Crowd-sourcing is a great idea. Really good luck with this : )