Right Then. My Favourite quote would have to be from "Waldorf Salad" where Basil says "Typical. Absolutely Typical. The Kind of... Arse! I have to put up with from you people , you ponce in here expecting to be waited on hand and foot. Im Trying to run a hotel here!"

Comedy GOLD!!!

What's Your favourite?

in "THE PSYCHIATRIST"
Basil caught Sybil flirting with a younger guest:

Basil: Charming eh? Well he's certainly covered in charms. I've never seen so many medals around one neck in my life. He must be the bravest orang-utan in Britain. What's the point of decorating yourself like that?

Sybil: They're not just for decoration. They have symbolic meaning.

Basil: Sybil that type would wear a dog turd round its neck if it was made of gold.

From The Germans:

Basil: Don't touch me! I don't know where you been?
Basil: My God, you're ugly, aren't you?
Sybil: Basil!
Nurse: I'll... I'll get a doctor.
Basil: You need a plastic surgeon, dear, not a doctor.

German Guest: Entshuldigen sie, bitte, können sie Deutsch sprechen?
Basil: I'm sorry, could you say that again?
German Guest: You speak German?
Basil: Oh, German, I I'm sorry, I thought there was something wrong with you!

Old Ladies: We don't think you're well, Mr. Fawlty.
Basil: Oh, well, perhaps not, but I'll live longer than you!

German Guest: Will you stop talking about the war?
Basil: Me? You started it!
German Guest: We did not start it!
Basil: Yes you did, you invaded Poland!

"Racket? That's Brahms!" (Shouts) "Brahms' Third Racket!"

The nonsense between Mrs Richards and Manuel about the manager- C K Watt who's 40.

How did you become two doctors? ...Did you take the exam twice?

Japo-Scandinavian imitation veal substitute.

Manuel: You Orelly men? .........

......O'Reilly: You've heard of the genius of the lamp, Mrs Fawlty? Well that's me
Sybil: You think I'm joking don't you?
Basil: Oh don't smile
Sybil: Why are you smiling?
O'Reilly: Well, to be perfectly honest, Mrs Fawlty, I like a woman with spirit.
Sybil: Oh do you? Is that what you like?
O'Reilly: I do, I do.
Sybil: (picks up a golfing umbrella & wallops him) O'Reilly, I have seen more intelligent creatures than you lying on their backs at the bottom of ponds. I have seen better organised creatures than you running round farmyards with their heads cut off...

He no here . . look . .

In "Hotel Inspectors":

"Sp...*spits*...oons!"

Deaf Mrs Richardson wanting some toilet paper and Polly mistaking it for writing paper

Mrs. Richards:
Girl, there's no paper in my room. Why don't you check these things? That's what you're being paid for, isn't it?

Polly:
We don't put it in the rooms.

Mrs. Richards:
What?

Polly:
Well, we keep it in the lounge.

Mrs. Richards: [aghast]
In the lounge?

Polly:
I'll get you some. Do you want plain ones or ones with our address on it?

Mrs. Richards:
Address on it?

Polly:
How many sheets? Well, how many are you going to use?

Mrs. Richards: [furiously banging the desk bell]
Manager!

BASIL: "Voom! What was that ? That was your life, mate. That was quick, do I get another ? Sorry mate, that's your lot."

I'm just going for a quiet cry now

From "Basil The Rat":

Basil's reply to the endless list of deficiencies read out by the hotel inspector:

"Otherwise OK?"

http://www.lucidenglish.com/2010/09/inspectors-monologue-from-rat.html

Mrs Richards: And another thing - I asked for a room with a view.

Basil: (to himself) Deaf, mad and blind. This is the view as far as I can remember, madam. Yes, this is it.

Mrs Richards: When I pay for a view I expect something more interesting than that.
Basil: That is Torquay, Madam.
Mrs Richards: Well, it's not good enough.
Basil: Well ... may I ask what you were hoping to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney Opera House perhaps? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeeste sweeping majestically ... ?
Mrs Richards: Don't be silly. I expect to be able to see the sea.
Basil: You can see the sea. It's over there between the land and the sky

Mrs Richards: I'd need a telescope to see that.
Basil Fawlty: Well perhaps you should consider moving to a hotel closer to the sea. Or preferably in it.

"Is this a piece of your brain?"