Keep those votes coming in in the Sci Fi Sitcom Trials online script selection (deadline Saturday). With the last two sets counted the table's looking properly indecisive with five scripts tying for 8th place and, in the middle of the table, six scripts sitting on zero points.

An exciting contest this time around, and I hope we're all feeling the benefit of the constructive feedback from all the reviewers.

Face-Time16
Starship Impossible10
Our Mutual Friend9
Them & Us8
Clarice7
Space Vets7
Country Rock6
Alice & The Genie5
Burrax/Bringer of5
Chimps5
Event Horizon Crescent5
Not From Round Here5
Where No MAN Has Gone Before4
Aliens3
Apocalypse Cake Sale3
King Chicken3
Stanburg3
Time Travel Tours2
Great Space1
BFF 30000
Bunk0
Men In Brown0
Nova FM0
Space Cowgirl0
The Princess of Darkness0
Chaos-1
Dome Sweet Dome-1
The Crew-1
Area 47a-2
51 Roswell Rd-4
A Womb With A View-4
Apocalypse-5
Inconceivable-5
Hey Human-6
SU-6
Sky Level-7
The Time Travels of Dr Choo-8

How do I Vote in the Sitcom Trials?

Read the scripts in the Files here: http://tv.groups.yahoo.com/group/SitsVac/files/Sitcom%20Trials%20SF%20Special%202012/

And post your votes either in the Sits Vac Forum or in the BCG Forum.

Apologies in advance for the fair number of 'NOs' - I found a lot of the writing good and the ideas original. I think Sci-fi comedy is a really tough gig.

51 Roswell Rd
I found it quite wordy and the alien's dialogue came across as too human. I also thought the story dragged a little and needed more jokes - NO

A Womb With A View
I read this under the last comp and it wasn't for me - NO

Alice & The Genie
I liked the Genie - Barry, a sort of Citizen Smith figure, but Alice was not particularly engaging and I wasn't bowled over by the story - it was quite funny and could work on stage - MAYBE

Aliens
The premise reminded me of the Big Bang Theory but the characters were a bit flat and the fake alien was a bit obvious - NO

Apocalypse
Sorry, I couldn't get on board with this. It was a bit confusing and the jokes were a bit laboured for me - NO

Apocalypse Cake Sale
The idea was okay and the blackberry joke tickled me but overall it lacked something and the cannibalism thing jarred with me - NO

Area 47a
There are some pretty decent jokes (I liked the 'lend me your ears joke') - MAYBE

Bunk
Some good jokes (Ross Kemp and umbongo) but it did drag a bit for me - MAYBE

Burrax - The narration got a bit much for me but it I liked the opening (my grandad used to say... joke was good) and it did keep me fairly amused - MAYBE

Chaos
It took a long time for me to grasp this (which may say more about me) but the main issue I found was that it was not comedic enough for me - NO

Chimps
Good idea - it had a good pace and the characters did play fairly well off each other (although the whole thing about falafel's name fell flat for me) - MAYBE

Clarice
I am torn with this - It immediately felt like 'Its a Wonderful Life' so it grated a little when he explained that he was going into the 'Its a Wonderful Life' routine and underlining dialogue for 'comedy emphasis' was off putting - however, there was funny stuff here - MAYBE

Country Rock
I voted for this previously - MAYBE

Dome Sweet Dome
There was various nods to Sci-fi (Logan's run and a specific reference to Soylent Green) but it didn't really stand up in its own right - I found that some of the jokes didn't work (e.g. I liked the idea of the 'what are cats?' joke but when Dern responds 'I don't know' he had already referred to hair balls)- NO

Event Horizon Crescent
The futuristic sciencey stuff was too distracting at times - however, there was some good jokes and I particularly liked it when the husband was teleported home when he was peeing in the pub toilet - so, YES

Face-Time
Good idea - a bit wordy in parts but I found this consistently funny compared to some of the others and it was generally well-executed - YES

Great Space
The premise didn't really grab me and was a little pedestrian though it was amusing in parts - NO

Hey Human Get Out Of My Wife
In my view the intro needs to be cut down drastically - it didn't get the story off to the best start and it didn't really recover, although I quite like some of interaction with the computer (which was a sort of Hal/Holly hybrid) - NO

King Chicken & The Ning Nings
The title made me think of Flash Gordon and potential for great spoofery - however, the story fell a bit flat and there was only the odd amusing moment - NO

Men In Brown
I struggled to get into it mainly due to the exposition. Tthere was some amusing elements but they did not save it in my view - NO

Not From Round Here
The opening narration was too long and some of the funny names fell flat for me - I quite liked the idea of an ordinary bloke being transported into space but Graham was a bit shapeless and the jokes were more miss than hit for me - NO

Nova FM
I liked the idea and the pained agony of Androia and some of the dialogue interaction with Roborta is funny - MAYBE

Our Mutual Friend
The writing was pretty good but the humour was not on my wavelength (e.g. the MF reference and opening joke about whether he thought he was gay) - NO

Inconceivable
This comes across more as drama and there is no Sci-fi angle - NO

SU
I found that the superhero students weren't distinctive enough and the dialogue was not funny enough for me - NO

Space Cowgirl
The idea was a bit lost on me - some okay jokes but on the whole it wasn't my cup of tea - NO

Space Vets
I wasn't wild about the premise and I thought there was a lot of dialogue that only occasionally raised a smile - NO

Stanburg
I really struggled to follow this and most of the humour was not really on my wavelength I'm afraid - NO

Starship Impossible
This took a bit of time to grow on me but it did and the whole meese thing and Major Infiltrator was funny stuff - YES

The Crew
I found the office-style made it drag and the Captain's jokey style made him a little one dimensional - NO

The Princess of Darkness Wants A Tan
This seemed best suited to the Halloween comp - that said I quite liked the premise and I found it pretty funny - MAYBE

The Time Travels of Dr Choo
There was very large segments of dialogue which made it difficult to read (and I anticipate very tricky to perform) and it was too much of a one joke script for me - NO

Time Travel Tours
I liked the premise and quite a few of the jokes were pretty funny - YES

Where No MAN Has Gone Before
Good premise but it lacked pace (mainly due to some lengthy dialogue) - some good moments that does raise it above some of the others - MAYBE

Hey there.

It's fascinating reading all the other reviews - such a variety of thoughts and often completely opposite opinions. Just goes to show how subjective and divisive comedy can be. Apologies in advance if you received a no or an opinion you disagree with. I've already received plenty but if something gets a no from an audience then it just gets turned off so it's a valuable opportunity to gather opinions. Hopefully there are some useful thought nuggets hidden there for some of you. Remember, writing is re-writing.

51 Roswell Rd
Nice premise of alien interrupting life of someone trying to move on from sci fi obsession. Couple of good jokes but dialogue felt un-natural, everyone was very blasé about the alien and I couldn't get a grip on the characters from their reactions. NO

A Womb with a View to A Kill
I really enjoyed the bonkers tone of the characters dialogue and quite a few of the many one liners are very funny. Unfortunately it's really a sketch not a sitcom and for me the cliff-hanger and Hitler universe resolution go too far. NO

Alice and the Genie
Really get's quickly into the story and has a good pace and structure. Liked the geezer genie but felt that Alice was a little non-descript. Sets up future situations well, some good lines and well woven gags and the final punchline about the magnolia made me do a little lol. YES

Aliens
Straightforward set up and I like the characters and the two UFO geeks and a girl situation. I found the twist a bit weak and easily resolved and was disappointed he wasn't actually an alien. I also really didn't like all the cheap "aren't women moody on their period and bad at parking" jokes. NO

Apocalypse
Took a while to understand the world they inhabited and I didn't really get a handle on the characters as it was so banter led. The political satire banter didn't do it for me either. Soz. NO

Apocalyptic Cake Sale
Two ex motivational speakers trying to put a positive spin on their survival in a post apocalyptic nightmare, great idea. Unfortunately the characters didn't make me laugh, them literally carrying on being motivational speakers didn't work for me and the story focusing on cannibalism didn't really go anywhere or fit with characters. NO

Area 47a
I like this, as I enjoyed the dialogue and some of the jokes, but there are a few issues with structure and pay off. The big issue is - do they know aliens exist or don't they? The sceptical Zoe, who is an agent, states there categorically isn't aliens at the beginning, yet at the end she calmly introduces Roswell, who is an alien? MAYBE

Bunk
Wasn't really feeling the story of this one. Time paradoxes and Hitler seem a popular combination. Not with me. Quite like the unscrupulous ad people as characters but wasn't convinced with the introduction of the time machine. NO

Burrax, The Bringer of Desserts
Found the 1st person Narrator/Character dialogue a bit unsuccessful in this format. That said, I really liked the story and writing and there are some great jokes. As it felt like a self contained short story written in prose rather than a sitcom tis a NO.

Chaos
It was so-so up to the cliff-hanger and I thought it would be about Ethal but all the chaos theory stuff stopped the story and made it lack focus. NO

Chimps
Quite liked some of the dialogue and it's definitely one of the better time travel entries. Not sure where this would go as a sitcom and it ended quite abruptly. MAYBE

Clarice
A few good lines and jokes but struggled to enjoy the tone of this. Gabriel was a bit cheesy for my taste and I didn't like/buy the pencils up the nose killing him from being patted on the back. NO

Country Rock
Nice premise, characters and dialogue. It makes a good sitcom, would like to read more. It's not sci fi though and this story felt a bit flatter than I feel the characters could deliver so I give it a MAYBE.

Dome Sweet Dome
Story and characters felt a little all over the place to be honest. Not really into the parodies of so many films etc as they weren't part of the story and felt tacked on. NO

Event Horizon Crescent
I listened to a bit of podcast and the tone of that definitely helped me appreciate how this script works. That said, this script focused on the ubiquitous time travel and actual action or events were a bit thin on the ground MAYBE.

Facetime
Nice believable characters and dialogue but I didn't laugh at many of the jokes and felt that the story fizzled out a bit. The convenient skipping of the actual drama generated by them summoning Helen of Troy was a shame as it could have made a great character and funny scene to actually write. NO

Great Space
There are a lot of really nice ideas in here and some strongly written characters and dialogue. There is a bit too much going on though for this sort of event and it could do with being tighter and edited. MAYBE

Hey Human Get out of My Wife
I struggled to keep up with what was going on in this one and the tone of the comedy wasn't really my hot beverage in a china bowl with a handle. NO

King Chicken and the Ning Nings
This one seems the most devisive amongst the reviewers so far. I can totally see what it's trying to do and it's doing it well but the panto style jokes, anarchic storyline and audience participation aren't for me...but will be for some so MAYBE

Men in Brown
I liked this idea - like a sci fi buffy the vampire slayer. There is a lot going on but I felt like I followed it. It needs work to tighten up strengthen the characters and exposition but the idea really appeals to me so I am still giving it a MAYBE

Not From Round Here
Really getting a lot from the constructive feedback on this so far which, when I am not crying myself to sleep at night, I completely agree with. Seeing as the narcissism vote appears to be the done thing around here it would seem silly to not slap two 'no' votes out of here with one big yes bomb. BANG. YES.

Nova FM
I like the premise of the sad radio robots and the characters come across well. Not a huge fan of the story or cliffhanger. MAYBE

Our Mutual Friend
It took a long time to get where it was going and there weren't a lot of laughs along the way for me. The moral message was quite heavy handed and not sure where it could go next as it felt like a one off. NO

Inconceivable
Didn't really feel like a sitcom or a comedy. Well written characters but it is more of a serious stage play and it wasn't sci-fi. NO

Sky Level
Lots of backstory, goat jokes and a sprinkling of political satire. No real plot, action or definable characters and it's quite long for so little action. NO

Space Cowgirl
Good story, and really sets up the world, situation and characters well. The story ends quite abruptly but tying in the cattle prod from the beginning is nice plotting. YES

Space Vets
I really like the original premise of this and really enjoyed the characters. Too many stage directions in the actual script but it all worked for me. YES

Stanburg
The plot of this is so off the wall that it was a little all over the place. I think I like my comedy to be a bit more subdued than this but like the Ning Nings I can see it appealing to some as it's tone is an acquired taste. MAYBE

Starship Impossible
I am familiar with the Brothers Macloed's other work as they make fantastic animated shorts and children's animation series. Their writing is funny and crazy and this is easily one of the best written entries but, and it's quite a big but in this case, I don't feel this could work as a radio play or being staged live. I guess if it can't be performed it won't be so MAYBE

The Crew
I enjoyed the characters and the situation. It's not an easy thing to write a mockumentary and this is a good go. Weaving in the space glue and things was good too. YES

SU
Don't feel the actual delivery of this lived up to the possibilities of the premise, the characters need to be bigger and pop from the page more and it also fizzled out towards the end. I agree that it would be great for a younger audience though. NO

The Time Travels of Doctor Choo
4 pages of shoe puns. Not a sitcom or my thing. NO

The Princess of Darkness wants a Tan
Seeing as this has already been performed at a sitcom trials, (I watched the YouTube clip which I wasn't overly in love with) and isn't sci-fi I didn't read it. I thought it would be a shame if it took away the opportunity from some new material being performed. NO

Them and Us
A bit like an attempt at a sci-fi Thick of It. Really like the door obsession but quite a few other jokes fell a bit flat for me. Great premise and some strong characters there too but the resolution and structure was a little weak. MAYBE

Time Travel Tours
It's a really nice idea but I didn't laugh at anything and I struggled to follow the confusing technology. NO

Where No MAN Has Gone Before
Just couldn't get into all the gender stereotype jokes and found the cliffhanger/resolution a bit of an anti climax with Tim's concern being turned around quite easily. NO

Gosh, this takes a long time doesn't it.

Ben

Updated vote count. Having counted BlahBlah, J Gowing, Alan O'Brien, Pasher, Kev F, Writer for Hire, Andrew Tucker, Frantically, Elliot Stewart (no No votes), RobinUsto, Freddy Sanger, Nixter, Susan (7 votes only), Kev Page, Telesbrian (no No votes), eyesil1 (string of Maybes uncounted), and Von1 we now have

Six scripts tying for 5th place (on 8 points), and thanks to the plethora of positive voting, only three left on 0 points. Down in the negative zone we have five scripts tying for third-from-bottom (on minus 6 points).

This chart really is up and down like the Assyrian Empire. Who knows how it'll have changed by teatime. Deadline is still Saturday.

Kev F

PS and since I wrote that, Rambuncious's votes have come in. Stay tuned. Can I just point out, if we get the all-singing all-dancing online voting system in place that I've just been quoted on, which will accomodate tens of thousands of entries and sets of votes, you won't get any more of this personal service. So enjoy it while it lasts.

I'm still going through the scripts. I take my hat off to all who've submitted, I've really enjoyed what I've read. Will post up my reviews later this week. Just out of curiosity, what time on Saturday is the deadline?

Peter

Quote: Peter DeGutis @ November 13 2012, 8:49 PM GMT

Just out of curiosity, what time on Saturday is the deadline?

View original

Technically midnight, but it would really help if scripts came in earlier, because we have to prepare for the script reading the next day so it would be marvellous to have a definitive Top Ten (or more likely 8 that'll get a reading) in good time. So don't leave it till midnight to get your votes in, if you want to help make our jobs a bit easier.

Kev F

I'll put up my review tomorrow then, just need to type up my notes

Thanks to the organisers for choosing the Sci-fi theme. My entry may not evidence this well, but I love Sci-fi, and really enjoyed writing mine, and reading everyone elses.

As feedback is an important part of the Trials I have made a concerted effort to give descriptions of what did or didn't work for me personally. ...Which is why it's taken me so bloody long!

Hopefully this will be seen as helpful and well-meaning (as oppose to the alternative which would mean that I have spent a huge amount of time going into detail simply to offend each person in a more detailed way ... )

Here are my reviews:-

51 Roswell Road - NO - My favourite line was: "Although technically edible". I found the characters a little unbelievable, and more importantly unsympathetic. I thought there were plenty of well-observed lines in there but not enough proper laughs for a stage sitcom. Did like "withering sexual optimism" though.

Alice and The Genie - YES - Clear Characters, series potential, plenty of laughs and a tidy story. Enjoyed reading it. My only negative would be that the Genie was a bit pantomime-y in places and that could grate in a longer episode (though honestly not a problem here). Maybe a darker edgy side could periodically show itself? Favourite line: "Course I'm a genie, I'm wearing bleeding pantaloons."

Aliens - YES - Well-written, distinct characters, funny, enjoyed reading it, think it would work well on stage. Liked "It was the moon" and "Or Lewisham."

Apocalypse - NO - Although the bits that I did understand were quite good, there was a lot that went over my head. I don't think it could work on stage as it stands, it needs visual clues to give context to the often surreal dialogue. I had to read bits of it several times to work out what was meant but I did really like the line "It's like when I went to Chester and it was nothing like HollyOaks" along with several others "relevant to our degrees" etc

Apocalyptic Cake Sale - MAYBE - Funny, liked the contrast of the main characters, enjoyed it on the whole but thought it went off a bit after the cliffhanger. Nice original story springing from the characters.

Area47a - MAYBE - Some very funny lines, especially liked "Though we have high hopes for that 250 quid from You've Been Framed" and "You know where I stand on feelers." The first scene in the field could be cut entirely with a single line of exposition about how Prof X met his demise, and the cliffhanger didn't feel very satisfying (though again, enjoyed "teaching Heinz vocabulary").

A Womb With A View To A Kill - NO - Seriously, make this one stop now cos it's messing with my actual mind. I have to ask, is this some kind of Derren Brown experiment?!!

Bunk - YES - The best one of the lot, clear characters, great story, clear series potential, very funny throughout, loved the premise and really enjoyed reading it. Favourite lines: "Would you buy a pickled shark without one?" and "May contain Kelly Brook"

Burrax - The Bringer of Desserts - YES - It made me laugh and I enjoyed the whole thing. I have concerns about such large chunks of narration working on stage (might get a bit Jackanory) and no series potential due to the ending but it was very funny so what the hell, yes.

Chimps - YES - Very funny, fast moving story and sets up the series. (I've resolved to study it!) Enjoyed reading it, slightly silly in places but in a good way. Favourite lines "I gave that up long ago" and "Sorry, Beefcake."

Clarice - MAYBE - Detailed and interesting, but then nothing after the cliff-hanger (otherwise would have been a 'Yes'). One niggle, the character of Clarice didn't have much of a personality. Gabriel and Brett are very clear though and some good funny lines.

Country Rock Halloween Special - MAYBE - The characters are distinct, the story moves along, written nicely, it's gently amusing but to be honest I didn't laugh very often (although I still like "scientifically?") It's probably a personal taste thing as most seem to like it. I think I personally just don't identify with the situation / characters.

Dome Sweet Dome - YES - REALLY enjoyed ALL the sci-fi references (and I'm sad enough to recognise every single one!) Characters were great, likeable and clear, story was easy to follow and quick to read. Intro re dirty telephone was brilliant, Favourite line: "Don't let the bed-nanites crawl into your ear and rewrite your brain structure!"

Event Horizon Crescent - MAYBE - I quite liked this, but (without wanting to sound like a tired Paul Daniels reference) not a lot. It's a bit like one long sketch really and I'm not sure it would work on stage. I've given it a maybe though because as a bit of fun it's ok.

Face Time - MAYBE - I liked this, entertaining story and think it could work well on stage, last line finished it nicely. My only criticism would be that some of the dialogue felt old and well-trodden e.g. 'Christ on a pogo-stick' and PotNoodles, being particularly well-used already. Liked "whining like Cheryl Cole" though.

Great Space - YES - very funny, unusual rhythm to the dialogue but I quite enjoyed that and the story and characters more than held my interest for the longer sections. Particularly liked "Eau d'biohazard".

Hey Human! Get Out Of My Wife - NO - It started out ok, but the story was too unlikely and bizarre for me. Also, unless I deliberately tried to hear the dream cast's voices the characters were vague and if I'm honest it wasn't really funny.

King Chicken and the Ning-Nings - YES - Took a moment to gauge the style but, once I had, I enjoyed it. Liked the silly humour, wasn't so keen on the audience participation on paper but it probably would work well on stage. Characters were good, especially the idea of them having been re-assembled with quirks / new gender.

Men In Brown - MAYBE - I liked the premise and the characters but some of it's mystique remained a mystery to me at the end, like what was in the swimming pool? Still, it's difficult to tie-up all loose ends in such a short time. It was funny, liked the line about Earth being like Greece.

Not From Round Here - MAYBE - I think the characters could all do with a bit more 'likeability'. On paper, "dense human, abducted by accident, helps evil alien captors improve at drug-running" doesn't sound great but actually I enjoyed it. Relies quite a lot on performance of the lines for humour so could do with a few extra jokes but I did like it.

Nova FM - NO - The characters are unlikeable and the story is hard to follow due in part to dull patches of dialogue and in part to not caring enough about the characters to want to. There are a few good lines, the last half of page 10 is good and the first half of page 11, the rest of it could do with being more like those.

Our Mutual Friend - NO - There was no real tension between the two main characters, despite their differences, they agreed with each other on pretty much everything. Max is unpleasant so his unpleasantness should be the source of more of the comedy. Same really with Stargazer. Interesting idea for a story though and Bernie was a clear character and his lines worked best. Liked "why have you flicked my telepathy switch to the 'off' position?"

Sky-Level - NO - All the action happened after the cliffhanger, until then it was just people talking about what had happened in the past to set the scene of the current world. The only jokes were goat-based and it's not a genre I have any affinity with. There was also far too generous a sprinkling of colons, pubes and screw-driver stabbings.

Space Cowgirl - YES - Because it's mine. There is a small chance that in my excitement to write something new with a sci-fi theme, I may have over-tinkered with this... All and any feedback is much appreciated.

Space Vets - YES - I liked this, it felt a bit Blackadder-ish in a good way. I particularly enjoyed the missing alien and the unspeakable hideousness of the alien in the box. Nicely funny.

Stanburg - YES! - "Peter Davison was reading it wrong" and the 'I'-phone stuff made it a definite 'yes' from the start. I really enjoyed the surreal style this time, I may have enjoyed it even more if I understood all of it (which I didn't) but I enjoyed it's intense energy as it was.

Starship Impossible - MAYBE - It made me laugh and I enjoyed most of it but it got a bit confused at times and it would have been better with a resolution ending but I liked all the Moose/Meese and 'I think I know what you think I think' stuff. I also liked all the descriptive character names, that can sometimes be cheesy but it made me laugh here.

S.U. - NO - Liked the superhero dynasty stuff, but thought more could have been done with it. The character's Steve and Mart didn't seem distinct enough from each other, they had similar flaws. Quite a few funny lines "Do you think my dad doesn't have a temper? His name is FuryMan!" and "Two words; Paul Daniels" but not enough laughs at the start, or throughout. Rachel and Bec seem very underwritten and don't seem very plausible.

The Crew - NO - To be brutally honest there is no real story, no cliffhanger and the characters, style and details are far too similar to the 'The Office' even though set in space. However, the bits that were funny in 'The Office' were funny in this.

Them and Us - NO - Almost a 'maybe' because I did like the 'swooshy' door stuff but ultimately the story didn't go anywhere. Also, I felt that 'The Thick Of It' style didn't really work with the sci-fi nature of the story, and I didn't get the relentless 'Tin-e' stuff (though that could just be me). Really did like "Permission to take a moment to stare into space with a look of grave concern" though, nice.

The Princess of Darkness Wants A Tan - YES - Brilliant, thoroughly enjoyed this, funny from start to finish, great premise and characters. Favourite line: "Typical father, flamboyant even in death, always showing off." Could easily 'see' this on radio as a series. (Not watched clip yet as computer playing up but will do).

Time Travel Tours - MAYBE - Good story, very sci-fi, funny but felt it could have been funnier. Really enjoyed the story and resolution though, and liked "It provides shelter from the rain" and 'Fanny by Gaslight' confusion.

Where No MAN Has Gone Before! - NO - I found the female characters unreal and the situation too unlikely and also couldn't see a cliffhanger. Liked "This rock" and "poisonous lesbian icing" though.

Unfortunately, I was unable to open the trelby file (and sorry can't see the replacement either) and also could not open the docx files as my scratty computer is too old.

Well unless there's a real turn around in the voting HEY HUMAN! GET OUT OF WIFE will join my other efforts SCREAMGIRLS, SHAKE YER MONEY MAKERS & WHO JUDGES THE JUDGES not to be read out, it would nice if maybe not just the top 5 got the exposure, the top ten instead if I get that close, there's something very satisfying to hear strangers read out your script. But who knows? the worm may turn yet.

Eeep

-6!

from now on how about a reading of the least popular scripts as I'm currently the 33rd most popular one.

The sci-fi theme seems to have produced a lot of scripts that were a bit much-of-a-muchness: there are a lot of stock geeks, similar setups and similarly cartoony Red Dwarf type humour.

It was difficult for scripts to stand out with there being so many and most of them having at least a few decent jokes, contrived-but-acceptable-within-genre plot resolutions and the sense that they were written for the competition rather than because the writer was enthused about the comic potential of spaceships or time-machines.

I'd have probably liked some of them a lot more if they were the only script to feature a time machine, alien or robot and the rest were standard believable family, flatshare or workplace setups.

Overall quality is high and some of the scripts earned or missed out on YES or MAYBE votes by narrow margins. Funnily enough the most memorable jokes actually tended to be in some of the sitcoms I thought were weaker overall.

51 Roswell Road
Well it's mine, and despite it not being the sort of thing I'd normally write I like it! So YES
Points about it dragging a bit are well taken: I may have interpreted guidelines on single opening scene a little too literally, and in retrospect it's too long. It's much funnier if you read Rob in something resembling Basil Fawlty's increasingly angry tone of voice though... I promise. (Then again, John Cleese could make comedy gold out of the shipping forecast).

A womb with a view to kill
Trim the banter and there's a very good sketch here with a lot of funny lines and surreal twists. But it doesn't feel like the setup for a sitcom, so NO

Aliens
Liked this one a lot, relatively subtle. Despite the characters veering a bit close to stock geeks the end product felt like an extract from something by Simon Pegg. YES

Alice and the Genie
Agree with another poster that the setup would work well for kids TV. Not enough funny lines or antagonism between the characters for me though. NO

Apocalypse
The idea of linking the recession to an apocalypse was clever but the resulting Quantitative Easer and Lib Dem jokes weren't. Felt a bit rushed. NO

Apocalyptic Cake Sale
I could imagine a decent comic double act getting a lot of mileage out of the lead characters. Felt a bit short though - was this better than overly padding it? MAYBE

Area 47a
The post-cliffhanger ending was more of a cliffhanger than the actual cliffhanger. This added to the feeling it would have been better focused on Fod and Neville from the start. Despite her delivering the funniest line - "Fresher's Week" - I didn't like Zoe and the death of the Professor seemed superfluous in the context of the "short version". NO

Bunk
On the one hand, there was a bit too much space devoted to an ultimately irrelevant ad at the beginning. On the other hand, the use of cultural references was often cleverer than some of the other scripts and it finished on a great visual gag at the end (I say that even though "Isn't the Daily Mail a bit racist" gags are as old as antiracism). So it's a definite MAYBE.

Burrax
it's very droll, stands out a lot from the others and the narration doesn't feel like a crutch. Wouldn't work on TV but definitely works for radio.
YES

Chaos 2
Good premise but dialogue doesn't quite live up to it. Rory inexplicably asking the "sex tourist" for "coffee" without understanding what "coffee" meant was the weakest part. NO

Chimps
Thought the chimps and illegal time travel ideas were great but the plotting didn't work - the zapping felt forced in for the cliffhanger and didn't fit the rest of the episode at all. "ethnic with Samosa" apart, the foodstuff-based names didn't tickle my funnybone either. NO

Clarice 12
Act I is well constructed and the characters work, but last time I heard a suicide-by-pencils joke was primary school, and Act II is too short. NO

Country Rock
I liked this script first time around - it feels like a real sitcom complete with running jokes. Just about works as scifi. YES

Dome Street Dome
The plot (which after reading it a second time was actually clever) seemed to get buried in the multitude of less relevant references to sci fi tropes. Sadly, these outnumbered the bits that made me laugh. NO

Event Horizon Crescent
Fairly forgettable family setup and not much that made me laugh. (It's bound to be the one the Beeb picks up then... :-) ). NO

Face Time
The highly simplistic use of time travel as a plot device worked better than some of the other attempts to shoehorn more sophisticated time travel concepts into a ten minute sitcom and I liked the payoff scene. The one weakness is that the characters' attempts at cracking jokes were dreadful: I'd need to see it performed to know whether they're so bad they're actually funny. So YES

Great Space
Nicely written dialogue, but felt the action jumped too much to the debriefing at the end. On reflection though, it's well set up and would probably work over a longer episode, so MAYBE

Hey Human Get Out of My Wife
Wasn't sure whether I was more scared by the enormous title or the enormous block of narration that opened it! Does speed up to Red Dwarf pace at the end and I liked the ADHD computer as a character but it felt like it needed more editing though so unfortunately it's a NO.

Inconceivable
May have been better suited to competition it was originally sent for, but it isn't a quickfire sci-fi themed stage comedy. NO

King Chicken
Even breaking the fourth wall for a corny joke doesn't disguise the excessive amount of exposition at the start
Second half is a lot better - I really like the aliens' reaction to the concept of fried chicken - but it's still NO.

Men In Brown
A little difficult to follow despite some good dialogue in places - wish I'd thought of the exchange about "Earth is sort of seen like Greece" for my script NO

Not from Round Here
Too much narration at the start- felt like the comic potential about the futility of cow tipping would better have been explored by dialogue between Graham and the narrators.
NO

Novas FM
Liked Roborta but didn't like Cliff or Drudgel, even though the dialogue was starting to drag in their absence.
NO

Our Mutual Friend
Its a bit weird how my main objection to this script is that I didn't buy the idea of freefalling to earth from the moon.,
(I'm reminding myself of a friend once objecting to the physics of the Simpsons movie...) but a weak opening didn't help either. NO

SU
Some good lines in here but the structure wasn't so good; the potential issue with Bec should have been signposted earlier and the narration at the beginning felt clunky too. Could be drastically improved with relatively minimal rewriting it but in its current form it's a NO

Sky Level
The goat jokes were actually quite funny at an Inbetweeners sort of level, but this script is nearly all banter. NO

Space Cowgirl
A bit flat in the middle - too many ball bag gags - spoiled a strong setup and payoff. NO

Space Vets
wasn't quite sure what to make if this one...very cheesy but the characters felt good and the idea was original. I'll say MAYBE

Stanburg
A few very good lines like "portable oracle for dickheads" and "one day I'll inherit the earth" (best in all the scripts entered) but overall it felt a bit too contrived, so NO

Starship Impossible
Nicely structured, snappy dialogue, but other scripts made me laugh more. NO

The Crew
Some of the comic setups were very Office-like (maybe too Office-like) and the Captain was good in the David Brent role. Think I'd need to see it performed to know if I'd love or hate the singing scene, so I'll say MAYBE

The Princess of Darkness wants a tan
Nicely plotted and structured and dialogue worked... but this is definitely fantasy rather than scifi and has apparently been performed before, so NO.

The Time Travels of Dr Choo
Too short and I'm not sure I'm sufficiently interested in shoes to find the dialogue funny. NO

Them and Us
Nice reveal on Alby and distinct characters. Seemed to lack a conclusion though, so I'll leave it as a MAYBE.

Time Travel Tours
To me the comedy felt more forced than funny though "Please view the murder quietly and respectfully" is a good line. NO

Where No Man Has Gone Before
Good premise and very good closing lines to each act but felt a lot more could have been done in between if Tim was a less weak character. NO

I'm learning from this whole experience; I never thought the audience participation bits in mine would have such a polarising effect. I just put them in as a way of combating the small cast sizes, but from some of the comments it seems this was an unusual choice (when most of your detractors list just one element of your script as a reason to dismiss it, it does kinda make you wish that bit wasn't there....). Have taken the comments on board, though; never saw it as a panto, but hang on, a space panto? That might just work.....

Thanks to all for the opinions, it all helps.

Quote: Kev Page @ November 14 2012, 9:09 AM GMT

never saw it as a panto, but hang on, a space panto? That might just work.....

View original

"In space no one can hear you shout it's behind you!"

Quote: Freddy Sanger @ November 11 2012, 8:26 PM GMT

Okely dokely. Here are my views: For what it's worth...

51 Roswell Road: Weren't too many jokes here, but the mum was funny. MAYBE

A Womb With a View: Story was a bit too much, also the cliffhanger wasn't great. NO

Aliens: Took ages for anything to happen, its pretty slow too. NO

Apocalypse: Too much stuff about the past, gags weren't great either. NO

Area 47: Bit too slow for me. Didn't like the ending either. NO

Bunk: This was too long and the Um Bong joke belonged to another era. NO.

Chaos: Some very funny one-liners, though the structure was a bit off. MAYBE

Dome Sweet Dome: Hilarious sci-fi gags which I loved. YES

Event Horizon Crescent: Funny pee joke, great imagination, Foggit was very funny. YES

Face Time: Very funny, great characters, clever premise. Very enjoyable. YES

Great Space: Bits made me wine uncomfortable, like the end of Act 1. The humour fell flat towards the end, sorry. NO.

Hey Human Get Out of my wife: Great fun with some very amusing bits. YES

Men in Brown. Far too much exposition, the story wasn't very interesting. NO.

Nova FM: Great setting, nice characters. MAYBE

SU: Great idea, funny Paul Daniels but not a lot happened. Still...MAYBE

Space Vets: Just wasn't funny, entertaining though. MAYBE

Starship Impossible: Ending was a bit weak , but still some funny jokes. MAYBE

The Crew: I like the idea of The Office in space, though the reasons it was good was also the same reasons why it wasn't quite there. MAYBE

Princess of Darkness wants a Tan: Slow moving with too many characters. NO

Time Travels of Dr. Choo. Was abit too quick, characters waffled on too much. NO.

Time Travel Tours: Funny ideas, some good lines. But not quite ready. MAYBE

Love to all
Freddy

View original

Thank you very much Fred, my only fan, cheers, I owe you several pints of beer

Greetings everyone. Writing comedy is very difficult, writing a sci-fi comedy is even harder. So writing a sci-fi sitcom which is only about 10 mins long, with minimal props, no more than 4 characters and no effects, yet still making it fresh and original must be a Herculean task - one which I could never take on. So to all those whom I've given a No to, don't feel too bad -you've done well to even get a script out. To all those who I've given a Maybe to, good job, you have my admiration. And to those I've awarded with a coveted Yes - I love you and want to have your babies. Enough waffling from me.

51 Roswell Rd
The dialogue felt forced, and the story wasn't very interesting. NO

A Womb with a View to A Kill
Didn't feel like a sitcom, more like a long sketch. NO

Aliens
Found this rather sexist. Lacked a decent cliffhanger. NO

Alice and the Genie
I didn't feel the genie stuff was funny at all. Felt like a show for children. NO

Apocalypse
I thought it too long to get going, the banter was also needless as it didn't move the story forwards. NO

Apocalyptic Cake Sale
Funny opening, cracking dialogue and actually found the cannibalism thing funny - I'm like that. YES

Bunk
I think things involving Hitler just aren't funny - I don't know why comedy writers persist with it . NO

Burrax.
Was this a sitcom? Didn't seem like it to me. NO.

Chimps
Tailed off very strangely at the end. But before that it was rather good. MAYBE

Chaos
Ethel had some amusing moments and there were a few good one-liners, but the story seemed muddled. MAYBE

Clarice
The pencil thing was a bit daft. The rest was quite predictable. NO

Country Rock
The characters were amusing, the dialogue was quite good, but the story just wasn't interesting enough. NO.

Event Horizon Crescent
The guy being teleported whilst weeing was funny and there were some very amusing references - the name of the pub made me laugh at loud. . But before that there was a bit too much sci-fi references and not enough jokes. MAYBE.

Face-Time
Well paced, with the humour never flagging for a second. Would've been great to have seen Helen, but can only assume she was cut out to keep the time down? Anyway, it's a YES.

Great Space
Lots of action, perhaps too much. But it kept me entertained. MAYBE

Inconceivable
Was this actually a comedy? I would suspect it could die on stage. Better to read it than watch, which is why I'm giving it a NO

King Chicken and the Ning Nings
Not for me, others may like it. I wouldn't want to be an audience member if this was playing. NO.

Men in Brown
Too much exposition which made the story fade away. NO.

Not From Round Here
I just didn't take an interest in the characters, therefore it just didn't grab me, good opening though. NO

Our Mutual Friend
Bit too preachy for me and it took a while before something happened. NO

Princess of Darkness wants a Tan
This simply isn't sci-fi, pure and simple. Also the gags weren't great. NO

Sky Level
This really lacked a story. Many of the jokes I didn't get. NO

Space Cowgirl
Good setup and the characters are fun. Good dialogue too. YES

Space Vets
I liked the originality of this one. I was going to give it a maybe, then I read it again and liked it more the second time around. YES

Starship Impossible
This is pretty much what I was expecting/fearing when I heard there was going to be a sci-fi themed Trials. The premise wasn't original at all. I'm sure many have seen this sort of thing done before and done better. NO.

The Crew
Another which I don't think will work well in front of a live audience. On paper it does seem much better. So...MAYBE

Time Travels of Dr. Choo
Seriously? I just have no idea what was going on. Might appeal to Imelda Marcos I suppose. NO.

Them and Us
As a political sci-fi comedy it doesn't quite live up to its promise. But I'll give it a MAYBE

Time Travel Tours
Intriguing premise with some very good one-liners, but the story wasn't as strong as it could have been. MAYBE

Where No MAN Has Gone Before
This felt as if it was written in the 70s, quite a few character cliches and far too many characters. NO.