Quote: Kev F @ November 5 2012, 1:18 PM GMTI found the theme tunes popping into my head from the sitcoms that some of the scripts reminded me of as I read them. These included Futurama, Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy, and Bewitched. If that helps.
Listened to Bowie album LOW writing mine. might account for something, certainly not low count of jokes or modesty.
Here are my reviews and votes for all 36 sci-fi scripts (couldn't open the BFF 3000 one though). I have to say I really enjoyed reading them and that this is the highest standard Sitcom Trials I've known. And the wide range of sci-fi themes among these entries means there is something for everyone.
Some common inclusions I noticed: Hitler, iPhones, Stephen Hawking ...
Lots of hard work goes into writing and finishing a script, so well done to everyone who has taken part. Sorry if I've given you a 'no' - I honestly appreciated parts of all the scripts I read.
Clarice: MAYBE - good pace, decent plot with lots of measured dialogue. Only thing stopping me giving it a yes is the holy humour not being my cup of tea.
Stanburg: MAYBE - I've written a paranormal investigator sitcom too, so was intrigued about this entry. Some visual description used but nothing the script can't do without. Easier to follow than the previous Stanburg I read, but still could have been easier (though that might just be me). Characters sound the same to me, apart from the mayor. Some clever lines and the loose ends are wrapped up nicely enough.
Country Rock: MAYBE - crippled country joke a bit dodgy. Liked Steve's opening line. Good characterisation. Very good dry jokes. Plot goes a bit wayward. Deserved a better ending. I liked this very much but felt it ran out of steam. Prob the best 'maybe' of my maybes.
Our Mutual Friend: YES - mine. This guy's writing reminds me of my own.
Alice and the Genie: NO - felt like a panto at first. Henry the Eighth joke was clever. Like the 'holy' comedy used in Clarice, I was never going to find genie-themed humour funny, but at least the jokes didn't rely too much on being a genie after the first act, in which I feared the worst. Act 2 with the balloon just didn't get going at all, for me, and I just couldn't find the balloon stuff funny. As a small character in a comedy, Barry might work fine, but I'm not sure about a sitcom, or even an episode, all about him.
Aliens: YES - Thought it a bit weird that two 20-somethings would hang out or be flatmates with a 40-something. Flows very nicely. Yeah, it's not bad. I liked the ending. What part would you have as the cliffhanger?
King Chicken and the Ning Nings: MAYBE - Nice innovative idea regarding the audience. Exposition joke was good - I missed that at first. The script is okay, with a fair plot. But I didn't find the characters grabbing me at all, as I couldn't work out much about them. In act two things came together well, so my vote went from no to maybe.
Face-time: YES - 'The face that ate a thousand chips' was my fave line. Dialogue between the two main characters was natural and easy, and the story was an interesting one. Ending could have been better, but then again they're the hardest to do.
51 Roswell Rd: NO - Kind of enjoyed the idea of an alien trying to persuade a geek to let him stay in his house. But I found the script very sluggish, almost circular such was the repetitiveness of Robert's whining, with little plot.
Not From Round Here: NO - Nice one for trying something different from the usual Trials set-up. I'm afraid I just didn't find it funny though, or that there were enough jokes. Sorry.
Chimps: NO - Too much re-capping and reference to past events. But mainly it's a no because I only found one bit funny (Falafel testing Jen and Terr's resolve not to laugh) - sorry.
A Womb with a View to Kill: MAYBE - the funeral joke tickled me. Short, snappy dialogue was appealing. Gets a bit bogged down in itself, losing track of the plot. Didn't understand the Hitler time-travel mechanics.
Apocalypse: NO - There's a lot of anecdotes about past events. Would possibly have benefited from more evidence of the immediate danger, to instil some tension. Too much banter as well, for me. On the plus side the short dialogue, as in 'A Womb with a View to Kill', made it easy to follow. But overall it's a no from me - sorry.
Apocalyptic Cake Sale: YES - I really enjoyed reading this. Good, distinct characterisation, which I felt was rare in a lot of other scripts. Seeing the end of the world in a positive way is a great angle (reminiscent of Del-boy from Only Fools), which the writer portrays extremely well through Tom. I found the positivity and character of Tom funnier than the dialogue, but the story is short and sweet and moves at a good pace.
The Bringer of Desserts: NO - Interesting set-up and the narrator's monologue was funny and well-measured. But there was quite an anticlimax, I thought, after a build-up that promised much. I thought Burrax as a character didn't really work and wasn't funny. As intimated above, the narration in the script was gripping, but this backbone was let down by other elements, which made for a very uneven feel to the episode.
Area 47a: NO - Afraid I didn't understand the story, or the characters' motives for doing what they did. They wanted to make a 'geek Adonis' - er, okay ... why? There were some funny lines, though not enough for me, and it was good to see that things were happening rather than relying on past events being discussed. But I think the fact this story had been shortened for the Trials may have played a part in my finding the ending confusing.
Bunk: YES - Feel like I've seen/heard the Um Bongo joke many times before. Interesting setting for a sitcom. Liked the Ross Kemp bit. I like the characters of Aubrey and Justin; and the moral undertones regarding advertising. Very good underplayed line by Aubrey when comparing what Ian and Sandra had done, with the Um Bongo incident. Seems a bit too long and other tweaks may be needed to fit the Trials format, but this script possibly had the best set-up of characters and situation of all the submissions.
Chaos: NO - Really liked Ethel's reaction to being asked for a donation. Didn't think it was obvious why Rory followed her, but you learn later it's cos he fancied her. Some good lines but not enough of them, I thought. The story just 'stopped' quite suddenly - before that, I was going to give Chaos a 'maybe' because although I didn't find it funny often enough, I was entertained enough by it and wanted to see where it was going.
Dome, Sweet Dome: NO - Soprano joke was funny. Very energetic script, lots happening (probably too much). Didn't find enough of it funny, and it reminded me too much of Red Dwarf in some settings and story elements.
Event Horizon Crescent: NO - Nice title. Liked the peeing joke. Enjoyed the pub's name being the 'King's Tentacles'. Apart from the 'congratulations' line, I didn't find Foggit funny or see what he/she/it brought to the script. The reasoning for the dad's sacking was clever. But the reason for my 'no' is that the first part was saturated in sci-fi jokes. I did warm to it more in the second part but overall it's a no, sorry. Congrats on the pod series, though - will check it out.
Great Space: NO - Liked the Cheers joke. Cliffhanger line was cringeworthy. Found the script way too detailed and intricate. After a promising start, I thought the funny bits dried up and I laboured to read it.
Hey Human! Get out of my wife: NO - The ideal castings was a nice touch. I won't lie - I took one look at that epic first paragraph and my heart sank. I hope it doesn't put people off. Nice sense of fun to the script, but I rarely found it funny - sorry.
Men in Brown: MAYBE - Felt the story stalled in favour of character background exposition. I like Gregg - he reminds me of my mate ... Greg. Appreciated the dry humour and understated dialogue, but felt the story didn't quite live up to its promise.
Nova FM: NO - The moral of the story was really sweet. But I'm just not a fan of humour repeatedly based on the sci-fi nature of the characters/situation. For me, it should be an amusing bonus that aids the episode, not a main source of jokes.
S.U: NO - Didn't find the broken door problem very exciting. As for the couch, more could have been made out of Steve's clumsiness here - made it more obvious and funny. Because the script relies quite a bit on visual effects (superpowers) that can obviously not be shown, the comic effect of these SFX being read out is lost. Although there were one or two funny lines, and some emotion at the end, the characters felt wooden and I didn't feel there was really a story here.
Inconceivable: NO - Sorry, I didn't read this as it's nearly 4K words and there are quite a few scripts to read through this time.
Sky-Level: NO - Too much dialogue per person and the plot takes a long time to start.
Space Cowgirl: MAYBE - Banter with the alien in the bar was good. Liked the toaster joke. Some decent lines in there. What goes against it, in my opinion, is that there isn't really a plot to go with the fun.
Space Vets!: NO - Quite liked Alan and Lizzie as characters. Alan's highway code joke was good, and the prompt payment one was even better. But I'm afraid I found too much of it didn't tickle me, although it was a entertaining enough read. It also relies, for a prolonged period, on humour about something the audience won't see, which, to me, doesn't appeal.
Starship Impossible: YES - Funny throughout and very well written. Maybe one or two too many characters. Enjoyed Captain Quitter's motives, especially. Have to be honest and say I thought this was terrific.
The Crew: NO - Thought this read like 'The Office' in space. The interview format was different from other entries, so it made me want to continue reading. Thought the ending was weak though.
The Princess of Darkness: MAYBE - Clever teamwork by the vampire and werewolf. This had clever twists throughout in fact. And the plot moved at a good pace. Only reason for a 'maybe' is the humour being unavoidably cheesy in places because of it being a comedy fairytale.
The Time Travels of Dr Choo: NO - Didn't really have a clue what Dr Choo was going on about, to be honest! I got lost in those chunky paragraphs.
Them and Us: NO - I thought the script improved once the meeting started, but there were too many characters and an ending that felt like ideas had ran out. Some funny lines, and I love the premise of a MOD comedy, but this one didn't quite do it for me.
Time Travel Tours: MAYBE - Hugh has some very funny lines. I thought Katerina's sickness was unconvincing and blatantly an easy way for the plot to continue. Liked the original concept though and the episode was structured well.
Where No Man Has Gone Before: MAYBE - The condescension towards Tim produced one or two funny moments, but overall I didn't find anything extraordinary about the script. Have given it a 'maybe' though because there is a scene that echoes one in my script, which brought a smile.
Hello everyone! Now read all of the scripts for the SCI-FI Sitcom Trials (though there was one I couldn't open) Congrats to all those who have entered by the way. Some very good stuff has been entered ( I did fear the worse when I heard it was sci fi) Anyway - Here are my musings...
51 Roswell Road ( NO) Amusing characters but the narrative didn't move on much. Kind of got stuck.
A Womb With A View To A Kill (YES) Some very good jokes , great dialogue too.
Alice And The Genie (NO) Story wasn't particularly interesting, the jokes weren't very good either. Didn't feel right for the Sitcom Trials format.
Aliens (MAYBE) Interesting mixture of characters, some funny moments, though it took a bit too long to get going.
Apocalypse (NO) Too much back story, I got a bit confused by who was who.
Apocalyptic Cake Sale (NO) I didn't find Tom interesting at all I'm afraid, he just wasn't funny.
Area 47 (NO) Not much made sense, it seemed bizarre for bizarre's sake, felt like huge chunks were missing from the story, though it did have some funny characters.
Bunk: (MAYBE) Good characterisation, interesting premise. But the whole um bongo bit didn't do it for me, sorry.
Burrax (MAYBE) Funny lines, well placed. Story needed to be more interesting though, still...
Chaos (MAYBE) Good characters, some funny jokes, but it never really took off.
Chimps (NO) Another script like Apocalypse with too much backstory. Didn't have many jokes either.
Clarice (MAYBE) Funny dialogue, nicely paced, very close to being a Yes, but just lacked a little spark.
Country Rock (MAYBE) Starts off very well with a great joke, but runs out of steam and ending was a let down. Shame really.
Dome Sweet Dome (NO) Too much explaining in the script, the humour wasn't funny either.
Event Horizon Crescent (MAYBE) Some of the other reviewers didn't think much of this but I did. I liked the SF-orientated humour, but some of the jokes could've been better.
Face-Time (YES) Really liked the two main characters, good dialogue between them, intriguing premise. The Inspector Clouseau line had me in stitches. The way the Payoff scene is introduced is also very clever.
Great Space (MAYBE) Took too long to get me interested but there were some funny lines - shame about how Act 1 ended though, but still...
Hey Human Get Out Of My Wife (NO) Entertaining enough but just not funny.
King Chicken And The Ning Nings (NO) All of the audience stuff annoyed me. Sorry, no.
Men in Brown (NO) Like one or two others it had too much exposition. Though it was close to being a Maybe as some of the laconic comedy was good, though I did get a bit lost with what was happening.
Not From Round Here (NO) Sorry, characters motivations weren't clear. Also not enough jokes.
Nova FM (NO) It dragged on a bit too much for me. Nice setup but I don't think its quite right for the Trials.
Our Mutual Friend (YES) Funny jokes, well paced. I like the opening, this type of humour could do well in front of an audience.
SU (NO) Too much visuals which we won't be able to appreciate. Not much of a story and that whole door bit was just dull.
Sky Level (MAYBE) Quite a few amusing jokes (loved the anus one) but nothing really happened.
Space Vets (YES) Loved Alan and Lizzy. Several very good jokes, yes there are some visual stuff which we can't see but on this occasion I think it works.
Starship Impossible (NO) The narrator annoyed me (I never liked narrators), too many characters and the concept was rather old. This didn't tickle me at all, sorry.
The Crew (MAYBE) Novel way of telling the story - well for sci-fi it is - the Captain has several amusing lines, but the ending is weak. Still some good moments though.
Stanburg (YES) Yes it was bonkers and yes its more horror spoof than sci-fi comedy, but I really liked it nonetheless.
Space Cowgirl (NO) Arguably the weakest entry, too much banter not enough narrative.
Princess of Darkness (NO) Just doesn't fit the Trials. Not very funny either. More like a slightly amusing Grimm fairy tale.
Time Travels of Dr. Choo (NO) Bonkers, but not really in a good way. This just left me thinking "Eh!?!"
Them and Us: (YES) Great premise, some very funny moments and jokes.
Time Travel Tours (NO) The forced way the story carried on was weak. Decent idea but nothing much happened.
Where No Man Has Gone Before (MAYBE) The Tim character made me laugh but on the whole the story wasn't very interesting. But this is another with too many characters.
Well that's it for me! It wasn't my intention to offend any writers whose work I didn't like - this is just my opinion.
Patty x
Sci Fi Sitcom Trials, my reviews & votes
I've waited a week before posting my votes because I know some people think my opinion holds some sway. It doesn't, by the way, though I hope I can encourage more people to vote in the coming days. We have a script-reading meeting next Sunday, and it would help our preparations if we started to see some clear leaders rising from the pack by the middle of the week so we can give thought to casting. To date there haven't been many votes in, so please let's have them sooner rather than later. Okay, here are mine.
YES - 5
MAYBE - 10
NO - 17
Couldn't Read - 1
51 Roswell Rd - David Tellett
A really nice premise for a sitcom, I can see this idea making a good series. But this script gets mired in talk without getting the action moving. Some very good lines. MAYBE
A Womb With A View - Andrew Blair
This is very silly. Some nice lines, but the whole thing is more of an extended sketch than a sitcom in the making. (NB when this was entered in the Halloween Trials I gave it a Yes, which shows how things can seem different on another day. Or indeed, shows how much I know). NO
Alice & The Genie - Neil Tollfree
I really liked this. Sparkling dialogue, and some fun stuff happening. Perhaps better suited as the basis for a kids show. YES
Aliens - Jim Spiers
Another really good premise for a sitcom, alien joins a flat share, and some funny moments. Not enough action to totally win me over. MAYBE
Apocalypse - Pollard & Blair
One can be really swayed by the order in which you read the sitcoms. This came towards the end for me, and I'm afraid my shoulders physically slumped when I read the words "Int. Dingy flat". Again. Admittedly the threat of wolves and nuclear war started to liven things up. But, between there and the line "No one is going to die just to take up the slack from my boob muscles" I must confess to getting a little lost and unsure what to take seriously. Sadly NO
Apocalypse Cake Sale - Vic Gore
Not a bad idea, and opening monologue is very funny (if, I found, you imagine it read in a Welsh accent). But it didn't progress from an initial set-up or sketch to become more of a sitcom. NO
BFF 3000 - File Not Found (Despite later posting, I'm afraid I can still only find the "trelby" link in the Files, which is unopenable)
Bunk - Graeme Knowles
It's very talky with no action. Then the introduction of a time machine just makes it too silly for me. Also I think the sell-by date on Jade Goody gags has expired. NO
Burrax - anon
The narrative style makes it more short story-reading than sitcom overall, but I having a feeling it might work. An odd one. MAYBE
Chaos - Noel Mulcahy
A nice idea, but strangely flat, with lots of talking and, despite the alien involvement, little action. I could see this going on to be interesting, but not this segment. NO
Chimps - Eoin Carney
Excellent dialogue and the start of a nice premise, which loses its way halfway through. MAYBE
Country Rock - Neil Tollfree
I've heard this read at a London table-reading which was why I invited it back from the Halloween scripts. On that basis it gets a YES
Dome Sweet Dome - Tom Pinnock
Full marks for passing references to everything from Silent Running and Soylent Green to Mork & Mindy and Logan's Run. No marks for not turning it into a funny story with interesting characters. NO
Event Horizon Crescent - Jeremy Limb
The YouTube trailer is excellent, would the cast be wanting to perform this themselves? And given that it's already run for 50 episodes as a podcast, the script is struggling, I imagine, to represent that well. It's very self-assured and probably plays well. So MAYBE
Face-Time - Brian Teles
Did you know there really is an Infinity Comics? It's in Shrewsbury. Not relevant, just thought I'd share. That aside, I think this is very good. Great dialogue, a great premise, gets into the action fast and would make a perfect Channel 4 series. YES
Great Space - Robin Wiggs
Some nice writing and some interesting characters, but I felt it failed to excite or go anywhere fast. Others might disagree. MAYBE
Hey Human Get Out Of My Wife - Elliot Loon
After the title it all went downhill for me. I couldn't get this one at all, couldn't see where it was going or find anything funny in it. Sorry. NO
King Chicken & The Ning Nings - Kev Page
This caught me in a good mood and I really liked it. Somewhere between Cabin Pressure and the Navy lark, in Space. A tentative YES
Men In Brown - Andrew Tucker
Torchwood in a High School is a lovely idea, but this got buried under the weight of exposition and none of its good ideas turned into dramatic storytelling and big laughs. So, sorry but NO
Not From Round Here - Benjamin Lole
These characters talk in very long sentences which makes it drag, and the plot is a bit of a reheated Hitchhikers Guide without the good characters or laughs, I'm afraid. NO
Nova FM - Matt Reynolds
A radio station in space is a good idea, and could work well as a radio comedy. But this took the idea and made it, if you'll forgive the pun, static. Not funny or engaging enough, sorry NO
Our Mutual Friend - Alan O'Brien
I'm afraid what gags there are are telegraphed in advance, and the rest is talking about stuff rather than doing it. Didn't grab me. NO
Sky Level - AJ Smith
For two people circling a nuclear power station in a futuristic space taxi in some post-apocalyptic dystopia, surprisingly little happens. The lines are all a paragraph long and the characters are indistinguishable. And nothing happens. NO
SU - Thomas Smith
A nice simple idea, superhero school, and the dialogue rattles along. Not side-splitting, but might work as a CBBC equivalent to Misfits. MAYBE
Space Cowgirl by diehhard123
Nice set-up, very good dialogue and a story that rattles along. I'd like to hear it read out to see if the confrontations are performable, so YES
Space Vets - Jonathan Clark
An excellent idea for a sitcom, but this didn't make it work. The characters were indistinguishable, just taking it in turns to describe what was happening. A shame, this idea could have legs. Lots of legs. NO
Stanburg - Pollard & Blair
It's good to see a subsequent episode of a sitcom we've seen earlier (entered in the Manchester Trials 2011) but sadly I didn't think this improved things. A little less spark to the dialogue and no laughs getting through to me. Very sorry, but NO
Starship Impossible - Myles McLeod
Parts of this are excellent with some sparkling dialogue and lots of novel ideas. I worry it might have too much exposition and too many characters to get used to in so short a time (double the recommended number of cast members), but it may well work. MAYBE
The Crew - Kieron Moore
Not a bad stab at crossing Red Dwarf with The Office but, sadly, I don't think it's quite there yet. Some nice characters taking shape. But for now, NO
The Princess of Darkness Wants A Tan - Oliver Ley
I'm afraid Shrek and Being Human have covered all this territory with funnier results already. So, reluctantly, a NO
The Time Travels of Dr Choo - Kayla Forde
A very silly three page sketch. Highly original and probably very good fun live, but it doesn't have - if you'll forgive the pun - legs. NO
Them & Us - Adrian Maitra
Quite nice, some promising characters and a good way with dialogue. Unfortunately they spend this whole episode introducing each other which isn't the best use of their time. MAYBE
Time Travel Tours - Carter John
A nifty premise and three good, clear characters. Good for radio, though a little light on laughs but could shape up. MAYBE
Where No MAN Has Gone Before - Robin Brown
Excellent premise for a sitcom, perfect radio fodder, and a treat for actresses who are never given enough parts. I just wish it could have had more laughs in. Happy to encourage it, but a bit of a large cast so MAYBE
How do I Vote in the Sitcom Trials?
Read the scripts in the Files here: http://tv.groups.yahoo.com/group/SitsVac/files/Sitcom%20Trials%20SF%20Special%202012/
And post your votes either in the Sits Vac Forum or in the BCG Forum.
Quote: Kev F @ November 11 2012, 9:42 AM GMT
SU - Thomas Smith
A nice simple idea, superhero school, and the dialogue rattles along. Not side-splitting, but might work as a CBBC equivalent to Misfits. MAYBE
Great minds! Before I posted the script I thought it would be an adult show but since the feedback and thinking about it further I've been considering writing the full pilot as a childrens show. Think the concept lends itself to that genre more
Hello! I've only read 15 so far and I'm not sure whether I'll get time to read the others so here are my votes
51 Roswell Rd Pilot - I found bits of this good but I disliked the character Robert NO
A Womb With A View To A Kill - Couldn't get into it. NO
Alice and The Genie - I thought this was nice so MAYBE
Aliens - I liked it, good potential. MAYBE
Country Rock - Halloween Special - Never really won me over, though I liked Sheldon's character so MAYBE
Our Mutual Friend - I was on the fence throughout but I liked the last few lines of dialogue. YES
S.U - Agree with other review, a bit dull but I like the idea. NO
inconceivable - Quite a bitter, dark humour, though I found it a little depressing as well. NO
STARSHIP-IMPOSSIBLE - I never really got into this, although there are a couple of good lines so MAYBE
The Crew - Nice premise, I think it would improve if the characters were on the edge of insanity though, as it is it's a little too much like the office in space NO
P.S. also I think changing the characters would help because, while reading, I knew the captain was a version of David Brent/Michael something (USA) and George was Tim/Jim. Difficult to get right though because The Office nailed the interview format so well.
The Princess of Darkness wants a tan - I watched this on YouTube, amusing though I think it could have benefitted from being the other way round i.e. good little princess wants to be bad NO
The Time Travels of Dr Choo - I liked the level of madness here but I found it difficult to follow so NO
Them And Us - Glimpses of good stuff, especially liked the "permission to stare out of window" line. MAYBE
Time Travel Tours - Cool idea, didn't quite work for me though. NO
Where No MAN Has Gone Before! - For what it's worth YES
Really enjoyed spending the last few evenings reading these so well done everyone. Wanted to leave proper, constructive comments but at the end of the day almost all were really well written and well thought out, so it comes down to what I personally found funny and what I didn't. Genuine, guilt-ridden apologies to those I gave a NO to. We're all big enough to take it, I'm sure. Still couldn't open or find BFF 3000 I'm afraid.
Overall lots of great writing, lots of great jokes, lots of great ideas.
AREA 47a: Some proper laugh out loud moments. But could've done with a bit more plot. MAYBE
The Bringer of Desserts: Some nice lines. Good premise too. Liked it although Burrax could've been a bit stronger. MAYBE
51 Roswell Rd: Some funny lines and nice interplay between Mum and Robert but I felt it maybe relied on far too many references to other sci fi shows/films etc. A lot of scripts put a couple in but this seemed to have just too many. NO
A Womb With a View To a Kill: Sort of lost me at the start with the character names I'm afraid. A bit frantic. Found the rapid delivery a bit wearing after a couple of pages. NO
Apocalyptic Cake Sale: Liked this. Good banter between the two men. Dialogue well written. Story got a bit confused. MAYBE
Alice and the Genie: Realistic dialogue, which was very nice in places and some good gags, but not enough to keep me wanting to read on and find out what happens. NO
Aliens: Some amusing one liners but didn't really seem to be much happening to keep me interested. NO
Chaos. Liked it. Nice idea, nicely done. Would like to see more. MAYBE
Apocalypse: Didn't really feel like there were particularly defined characters, so just felt like one person's voice all the way through. Sorry. NO
Bunk: Liked the characters, but didn't really like the story I'm afraid. NO
Chimps: Liked the idea, good dialogue, some very funny lines. End was OK. MAYBE
Country Rock: Nice idea of band vs zombies, but felt the story got a bit lost amongst the dialogue. NO
Clarice. Like the premise and some top funny bits. Characters all felt very familiar, which is what you need in 10 mins. YES
Event Horizon Crescent. Liked the idea of soap in space. Well written characters. Some really nice gags. Wanted to see more of them. YES
Dome Sweet Dome. Thought it maybe relied a little too much on all the references and not enough on story or funny lines. NO
Our Mutual Friend: Felt the story could have been more engaging. And seemed to be a lot longer than the others. Some nice writing though. NO
Men in Brown. Mine. Like a jittery judge in an X Factor sing off, I have to keep my own disfigured boy band in. YES
Not from Round Here. Very silly, very funny, very well written. YES
SU: Cliffhanger not really enough to make me want to find out what happened next. Liked the set up but not enough going on. NO
Face Time: Good initial idea but felt it feel away a bit after the cliffhanger. NO
NOVA FM. Liked the idea of the robots. All felt a little bit 'done before' but it was done well. MAYBE
Hey Human. Full of energy and enthusiasm but good jokes undone by rather obvious and over familiar ones. NO
King Chicken: Know the winner will be performed in front of a no doubt refreshed audience but didn't like the audience participation part. Sorry. NO
Sky Level: A few good one liners but not really enough overall for me. NO
Space Cowgirl: Took too long to properly get going and the story didn't really come through the dialogue. NO
Space Vets: Great original idea but jokes didn't quite live up to it. NO
Stanburg. I feel really bad about saying no here because this is the third entry from the same guy, but for me, too many attempts at snappy one liners, and not enough character or story to make me care what they were saying. NO
Where No MAN Has Gone Before! Feel like I've heard/seen this idea before but it's funny and got funnier as it went on. YES
Time Travel Tours I think it's a great idea, and some nice touches throughout, but just not quite funny enough for me. NO
Them and Us: The mod set up is a good idea, but felt there was no real story and the banter just got in the way. NO
The Time Travels of Dr Choo: Some nice writing/gags, but hidden away amongst the too wordy, too much about shoes paragraphs. NO
The Crew: The Office in space was a good shout by someone else, but I enjoyed it and the captain was very good. MAYBE
The Princess of Darkness. Not really sci fi, is it? But a really good idea and excellent lines. YES
Starship Impossible: Familiar set up, but well done and some good lines. MAYBE
And mine:-
51 Roswell Rd. Story seemed to be derailed by way too much empty banter. NO
Alice and the Genie. I started out thinking this was going to be a bit bland, but then it turned quite inventive, with some funny stuff and clever use of the format. YES
Aliens. Mine, so. YES.
Apocalypse. Fast moving and often very funny. Some jokes felt like overly-wacky "filler" rather than actually funny, but there was plenty of good ones. YES.
Apocalyptic Cake Sale - Liked the premise and characters. The jokes sometimes mifired, but sometimes worked. Might work Live. MAYBE.
Area47a. I like the idea, but it jumped about too much and most of the jokes didn't work for me. Though I did like the "I was getting really bored teaching Heinz vocabulary" line. NO.
Bunk. Slow to get going, but some good jokes. MAYBE.
Burrax. Didn't explore the premise very far. Also the dialogue seemed very unrealistic - even in a fantastical story dialogue needs to be believable. NO.
Chaos2. I didn't find the jokes funny. Could have been a sketch for as thin as it was. NO.
Chimps. Some funny lines. I think it'd work well live. YES
Clarice. Staging would be tricky, I'm a bit weary of "Wonderful Life" pastiches and this script doesn't quite fit the ST format (the "after cliffhanger" bit's more of a 20 second punchline). However, it's a fresher take on WL than most, it's also clever and funny and
staging/format isn't my problem 
. YES.
Country Rock. Reads better than the last time I read it and gave it 'maybe', so...YES.
Dome Sweet Dome. Some funny bits, but the sci-fi references got wearing. MAYBE.
Event Horizon Crescent. I'm really suffering sci-fi overload by now, but this still made me laugh occasionally, so that deserves a YES
Face Time. Not the most original idea and the static banter wasn't very funny to me. NO.
Great Space. Lots of ideas in here, and I think if it were on for 30 mins I'd probably start to enjoy it. As it was there was too much going on, and maybe because of that it felt cramped. NO
Hey Human Get out of my Wife. Needs some severe editing and though "Dodo Power Rangers" made me smile, most of the jokes could do with reworking. NO.
Inconceivable. Seriously, I really enjoyed this. Get the full version off to BBC script room! Not sci-fi or funny though. NO.
King Chicken and the Ning Nings. Good job of story and plotting a short script, but the jokes didn't grab me. NO.
Men in Brown. I found it difficult to work out what was going on and didn't make me laugh. NO
Not from Round Here. Likeably silly, but also well-plotted and some good jokes. YES
Nova FM. Likeable and amusing (if occasionally confusing). Not laugh out loud funny, but quite enjoyable. MAYBE.
Our Mutual Friend. It didn't grab me as funny, but maybe with actors throwing themselves into it it could work. MAYBE.
Princess of Darkness Wants a Tan. Nice to come across a fantasy script. Was funny too. Plus, I really want to see either the Manchester or Bristol teams be brave enough to stage the werewolf licking himself bit. YES.
Sky Level. Not all that funny. NO.
Space Cowgirl. It was different in that it was mainly women doing the nob gags, but nob gags and references to neptunian hens weren't enough for me. NO
Space Vets. I like the idea, and had some clever jokes - occasionally too long-winded to get on first hearing. MAYBE
S.U. The superhero Uni idea is solid, but this script made very little of it. NO.
Time Travels of Dr Choo. Pretty much a one-joke script, and I don't know enough about shoes to get it. NO.
The Crew. Too slow and uneventful. I like the "Office"-style aproach, but it just didn't work here. NO.
Them and Us. Liked the dynamics between the characters, but the jokes were a little weak. NO.
Time Travel Tours. The "E=MC2 + 1" joke was good, but the rest wasn't funny to me. NO.
Where no Man has gone before. Another good premise, but didn't make me laughs I'm afraid. NO.
Womb with a View to a Kill. Pretty much the same as last time. Funny lines, but no story. NO.
My judgment may be off because of the Sci-Fi overload, so my negative scores may be more down to that than any real lack of comedy quality in the scripts. Apologies for that, but since I never intend to ready anything even remotely sci-fi ever again I'm afraid these scores will have to stand.
Okely dokely. Here are my views: For what it's worth...
51 Roswell Road: Weren't too many jokes here, but the mum was funny. MAYBE
A Womb With a View: Story was a bit too much, also the cliffhanger wasn't great. NO
Aliens: Took ages for anything to happen, its pretty slow too. NO
Apocalypse: Too much stuff about the past, gags weren't great either. NO
Area 47: Bit too slow for me. Didn't like the ending either. NO
Bunk: This was too long and the Um Bong joke belonged to another era. NO.
Chaos: Some very funny one-liners, though the structure was a bit off. MAYBE
Dome Sweet Dome: Hilarious sci-fi gags which I loved. YES
Event Horizon Crescent: Funny pee joke, great imagination, Foggit was very funny. YES
Face Time: Very funny, great characters, clever premise. Very enjoyable. YES
Great Space: Bits made me wine uncomfortable, like the end of Act 1. The humour fell flat towards the end, sorry. NO.
Hey Human Get Out of my wife: Great fun with some very amusing bits. YES
Men in Brown. Far too much exposition, the story wasn't very interesting. NO.
Nova FM: Great setting, nice characters. MAYBE
SU: Great idea, funny Paul Daniels but not a lot happened. Still...MAYBE
Space Vets: Just wasn't funny, entertaining though. MAYBE
Starship Impossible: Ending was a bit weak , but still some funny jokes. MAYBE
The Crew: I like the idea of The Office in space, though the reasons it was good was also the same reasons why it wasn't quite there. MAYBE
Princess of Darkness wants a Tan: Slow moving with too many characters. NO
Time Travels of Dr. Choo. Was abit too quick, characters waffled on too much. NO.
Time Travel Tours: Funny ideas, some good lines. But not quite ready. MAYBE
Love to all
Freddy
Enoyable reading all those scripts, I can only imagine how lucky it must be to be paid to do it. Here are my votes:-
51 Roswell Road - Amusing interplay between Robert and Mum, but the story never got going. NO.
Alice & The Genie - Funny lines, didn't over play its hand but could've been better structured. Still saying that I'll give it a YES.
Apocalyptic Cake Sale - Pretty slow-moving and I didn't think a lot of the jokes. Had potential but I don't think this would work in front of a live audience. NO.
Aliens - Once the alien joined the flat not much happened. Reminded me of A.L.F. - not the best template. NO.
Bunk - One large outdated gag and then the time machine suddenly being introduded didn't work. NO.
Burrax - Strangely written, not at all script-like, story was also weird. I could see it falling flat. NO.
Country Rock - Not a sci-fi comedy in my opinion and the story wasn't very strong. NO.
Chimps - Started well enough but really fell flat at the end. NO.
Event Horizon Crescent - Good title but is bogged down by too many science fiction jokes. The sci-fi thing should play second fiddle to the comedy, not the other way around. NO.
Face-Time -- Believable characters, (I have a friend just like Dan) some very good dialogue and a good idea that shows you don't have to heavily rely on science fiction cliches to make a good sci-fi comedy. YES.
Great Space -- Wasn't interesting and did get me going at all, though it did have a couple of amusing characters. NO.
Hey Human Get Out Of My Wife -- A good title in search of a story. I think this would illicit confused silence from an audience. NO.
King Chicken & The Ning Nings. - Kudos for trying something new but involving the audience will put a lot of people off - me included. Makes it feel like panto. NO.
Men in Brown - Nice idea but it was let down by it's execution. I didn't think the Miss Dern's running gag was very funny either. NO.
Novas FM - I kept on getting the characters mixed up but the dialogue was at least very funny. Would probably play better on stage than reading it on paper. MAYBE.
Not From Around Here - I liked this quite a bit, starts well and maintains the pace. YES.
Our Mutual Friend - Well written though it did drag on a bit. MAYBE
SU - Another script that started well but quickly ran out of steam. The cliffhanger wasn't really there either. Was too similar to the film Sky High. NO.
Space Vets - Good premise and some funny moments. YES.
Starship Impossible - Too derivative for me. NO.
Time Travels of Dr. Choo - I didn't get the whole "shoes" thing. Felt devoid of a real idea. NO.
Time Travel Tours - Great idea, but really could've done with more jokes. MAYBE.
Them And Us - Too many characters and it took a while to get going. But the premise was very good, so a MAYBE.
Where No Man Has Gone Before - Again too many characters and not enough jokes. I did like the concept though. I really am torn on how to rate this. I may regret this but it's a NO - sorry it just wasn't quite funny enough.
Early doors, halfway scores
I've totted up the scores so far at the just-over-halfway stage in the Sci Fi Sitcom Trials voting and this is how they look:
Face-Time12
Starship Impossible9
Country Rock8
Our Mutual Friend8
Alice & The Genie7
Them & Us7
Chimps6
Event Horizon Crescent6
Space Vets6
Burrax/Bringer of4
Clarice4
Not From Round Here4
Time Travel Tours3
Where No MAN Has Gone Before3
Aliens2
Apocalypse Cake Sale2
Bunk1
King Chicken1
Men In Brown1
Stanburg1
The Princess of Darkness1
BFF 30000
Chaos0
Dome Sweet Dome0
Great Space0
The Crew0
Area 47a-1
Nova FM-1
Space Cowgirl-2
51 Roswell Rd-3
A Womb With A View-4
Apocalypse-4
Inconceivable-4
Hey Human-5
SU-5
Sky Level-6
The Time Travels of Dr Choo-7
And it really is still all to play for. I'd finished adding the scores last night based on the first 10 sets of votes, then this morning added the 11th & 12th sets of votes which shuffled the whole lot around, dragging a handful of scripts down into the negative zone, pushing another lot up into the black, and rearranging the top of the tree.
Your votes could do the same. So, if you possibly can, read, review and vote on as many scripts as you can manage to get through in the coming days and let us have your results. Let's see how that table changes between now and Saturday.
Votes counted so far are from BlahBlah, J Gowing, Alan O'Brien, Pasher, Kev F, Writer for Hire, Andrew Tucker, Frantically, Elliot Stewart, RobinUsto, Freddy Sanger & Nixter.
How to vote: http://sitcomtrials.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/how-do-i-vote-in-sitcom-trials.html
We've now had two voters in this round who've said "I haven't given anyone a NO rating as losing points I think is rather harsh" (or words to that effect), and have thus only given Maybe & Yes votes.
You are more than welcome to do this, but I fear you are missing an opportunity to properly affect the results.
As you know, a Yes vote scores 2 points, a Maybe vote scores 1 point, and a No vote scores minus 1. And if you leave a script unread that gives it 0 points and doesn't change its position on the chart.
Giving a Maybe vote to a script that you really dislike or that you really feel doesn't deserve its place in the live show effectively gives it an equal vote to the one you've genuinely wanted to give a Maybe vote to, which hardly seems fair.
Might I suggest a third option, to those so averse to negative votes. Why not mark them as "ABSTAIN"? This would be as if you hadn't read them, and would score a zero vote. In my votes I simply skipped over the two scripts I'd had a part in writing so as not to affect their results. I would suggest you do the same for those that you think deserve a No vote. Giving them a zero is at least more honest than giving them a point you don't really want to give them.
You are still using the tried-and-tested Sitcom Trials voting method to less than its full capacity - a bit like having a Graphic Equaliser where you can slide the faders upwards but not downwards - but if you want to do it that way, I'm not going to stop you.
Kev F
I have to say I really enjoyed these Sitcom Trials and have posted my comments regarding some of the scripts below:
Alice and the Genie: NO - Too Pantominesque for my liking.
Aliens: YES -Natural flow to this script
Clarice: MAYBE -Decent plot
Country Rock: NO - Plot was not convincing
Face-Time: YES - Found this to be my fave and has my strongest YES vote. The first and most important layer of any story is a well-construed plot which I believe this script has. Storyline was interesting and the characters well rounded.
Our Mutual Friend: NO - Didnt like the storyline
Stanburg: MAYBE -Interesting characters and plot
Much as we need and appreciate every set of votes that come in, I feel I ought to urge against too short a list of votes. Not that they won't be counted, they will. But I will be bearing in mind, as I have done in the past, that if the results are tight at the top, those votes that came in in small batches (eg the selection below of just 7 scripts) and may look at the totals with those votes discounted.
I've only actually done this once in the past, and I'm not saying I'll do it this time. But bear in mind that it could happen and, if possible, try and read as many scripts as you can in the short time available.
The reasoning, if it seems unfair, is that a reader who has clearly assessed the maximum number of scripts has been able better to judge in context the ones on which they've voted.
Yours, ever the fair one
Kev F
The Sitcom Trials
Quote: Susan @ November 12 2012, 6:20 PM GMTI have to say I really enjoyed these Sitcom Trials and have posted my comments regarding some of the scripts below:
Alice and the Genie: NO - Too Pantominesque for my liking.
Aliens: YES -Natural flow to this script
Clarice: MAYBE -Decent plot
Country Rock: NO - Plot was not convincing
Face-Time: YES - Found this to be my fave and has my strongest YES vote. The first and most important layer of any story is a well-construed plot which I believe this script has. Storyline was interesting and the characters well rounded.
Our Mutual Friend: NO - Didnt like the storyline
Stanburg: MAYBE -Interesting characters and plot
Right, I've had time to read them all except the trelby one (BFF 3000); finally figured out how to read PDFs on my dinosaur computer.
Sorry to anyone who's scripts I said No to; I suppose we all feel like everyone should get our jokes but as I've found with my own script, this is not the case.
Turns out I'm quite critical. Nothing personal.
51 Roswell Road: Some good lines but also what to me was waffle and not something I could imagine going down well. NO
Alice and the Genie: Liked the line "You can't just poke a pentagulan in his membrane" but this went nowhere for me, despite the dialogue being good. NO
Aliens: Not particularly Sci-Fi, more a script that referenced Sci-Fi, and the jokes didn't work for me. NO
Apocalyptic Cake Sale: Loved the start, like Mitchell & Webb's "the event" sketches, dialogue sharp and easy to imagine being performed, but cannibalism bit left me cold. MAYBE
Apocalypse: Some wonderful lines ("He wrote me out of his will, f**ked a swan and shot himself through the anus..." and "moist with gin,") but Blake's 7 references were tired and much did not gel. NO
Area 47a: Some nice jokes but some verbal dead-ends, became confusing and laboured. Swab/vocab joke was excellent though. NO
Bunk: Saw the punchlines coming too early, didn't take me anywhere new. Holocaust/oven gag seemed an odd direction to take it. NO
Burrax: Nicely original, the narration makes it stand out, loved "Do not mock the seer of chocolate," but lacked something. MAYBE
Chaos: Typos were distracting. Not a lot happened, dialogue was unrealistic and there seemed no reason for one character to be an eastern European. NO
Chimps: Nice ideas, but executed in a way that didn't hook me, couldn't get into it. NO
Clarice: Excellent flashback/time-shift device, found it hard to picture the pencils/book method of suicide but could see the rest working very well. YES
Country Rock: Innofensive and breezy but insubstantial, and didn't really seem to end. NO
Dome Sweet Dome: Kicked off with a straight steal from Douglas Adams and seemed like it wanted to prove how much sci-fi the author has seen. Spelling conjugal as congical jarred. NO
Event Horizon Crescent: Good line in "Hello Sexychick 99", thought half-chaffinch might be hard to pull off on a stage, nice easy read but goes nowhere exciting. NO
Face-Time: Flowed well, liked the premise, liked Elvis, but ending took a while to happen. YES
Great Space: Read like a real TV show, but the ending seemed neither here nor there. MAYBE
Hey Human Get Out of My Wife!: Bit of a mess, the title got a call-back at the end but that was the only plus for me. NO
King Chicken and the Ning Nings: Wasn't going to vote for my own but as others have, it seems daft not to. I do want the gig after all. In it's favour are some cracking female roles and an attempt to counter cast restrictions. YES
Men in Brown: Muddled and insubstantial. Couldn't imagine it being performed. NO
Not From Round Here: Gribbedy is an excellent name, liked the start, some of the events were pure radio though. MAYBE
Nova FM: Liked it, lacked a cliff-hanger but flowed well, only character that didn't resonate was Cliff. MAYBE
Our Mutual Friend: Well written, liked the story, finished well. YES
SU: Good concept but story went nowhere i.e. far too long spent discussing a door. NO
Inconceivable: Resisting the urge to comment on the possible irony that a bag of shit is central to the plot. Not Sci-Fi. NO
Sky Level: Milked the goat. NO
Space Cowgirl: Original characters, liked it, written very well. YES
Space Vets: Liked the line "How fast are you at pulling things off your face?", liked the ending, good effort. MAYBE
Stanburg: Some great lines ("...rummage in the kitty...") but got a bit muddled. MAYBE
Starship Impossible: Nice atmosphere and some lovely exchanges, although there were too many characters and the ending was too ambiguous. MAYBE
The Crew: Did highlight the fact that not a lot happens in space. Too much talk and no action, confusing at times too. NO
Princess of Darkness Wants a Tan: Saw this peformed at the Bristol Halloween Sit-Com trials and had read through it with the Bristol group at a script session. Werewolf was done very well, but seemed too much was going on and not enough laughs. Also not Sci-Fi. NO
Time Travels of Doctor Choo: Might work as a corporate short seen at a shoe convention, spoken lines were too long, just seemed like a chat really. NO
Them and Us: Lots of talk again with very little happening, some good exchanges but felt the swearing was unnecessary. MAYBE
Time Travel Tours: Concept was good, but became confusing and laboured. NO
Where No Man Has Gone Before: Ok concept, conversations a bit mundane, last line works well. MAYBE
Thanks to all for a good few hours of reading.
Kev Page