Quote: Tim Walker @ May 6 2011, 8:35 PM BST

Bloody women drivers! Tootling all over the road, oblivious to any other vehicle, finding immense difficulty coping with movement in more than one dimension, checking their body hair and make-up in the rear view mirror, chatting to their 'crazy!' mate Sandra on their bleedin' mobile phones, slowing down to a semi-crawl whenever a random thought (e.g. chocolate) suddenly pops into their dizzy little heads... and generally making me even later for the recording of my appearance on The Comedians in the early 1970s...

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I honestly read it thus first time through !

Quote: Tim Walker @ May 6 2011, 8:35 PM BST

Bloody women drivers! Tootling all over the road, oblivious to any other vehicle, finding immense difficulty coping with movement in more than one dimension, checking their bloody hair and make-up in the rear view mirror, chatting to their 'crazy!' mate Sandra on their bleedin' mobile phones, slowing down to a semi-crawl whenever a random thought (e.g. chocolate) suddenly pops into their dizzy little heads... and generally making me even later for the recording of my appearance on The Comedians in the early 1970s...

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You and your satire, Tim!

Quote: Scatterbrained Floozy @ May 6 2011, 8:38 PM BST

at that comment, actually...

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How went your driving lessons in any case?

They're okay at the moment! For the record, the only other drivers I've seen adjusting their hair in their mirrors have been men...

i saw a female lorry driver the other

driving whilst talking on a mobile

theres at least two things wrong with that scenario

Quote: lofthouse @ May 7 2011, 10:54 AM BST

i saw a female lorry driver the other

driving whilst talking on a mobile

theres at least two things wrong with that scenario

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Didn't you ever watch 'Pigeon Street' - Long-Distance Clara?

Yes

I recall with horror the episode she ran over a group of school children on a zebra crossing

oh the humanity! The horror!!!

And all that red plasticine

Quote: Scatterbrained Floozy @ May 7 2011, 8:29 AM BST

They're okay at the moment! For the record, the only other drivers I've seen adjusting their hair in their mirrors have been men...

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That's sexist. When you say other drivers, do you mean other than yourself doing that?

This has done my noggin in this week:

I was 'commissioned' to write a very short introductory monologue for a local 'night of fun' at a small celebration of summink or other. I accepted the offer and it was reasonably well paid for the effort required.

Anyway, the monologue was pretty good- I was happy with it. But, at the end of it was probably the best line I've ever, ever written. I was so pleased with it and quite smug.

I sent it in for their consideration and they wrote back with their appraisal. They liked it and will use it. But they referred to every single 'gag' in it with comments like 'we like this' or 'this is very good', but they did not even acknowledge the killer line at the end!

Did they not like it? If so, why not just say 'not keen on this bit'? No acknowledgement whatsoever!

Argh!

If I'd known how it would be received I'd have saved it for a 'bigger' gig!

I can still re-use it elsewhere, can't I?

Come on share it! or that will piss me off!

Nope! It is my best line ever!

You've seen the kind of 'quality' I've written on here.....so it wouldn't take much for me to better that! But, I am proud of it.

I'll use it elsewhere. Just tweak it.

[quote name="TopBanana" post="760525" date="May 7 2011, 6:42 PM BST"]Nope! It is my best line ever!

You've seen the kind of 'quality' I've written on here.....so it wouldn't take much for me to better that! But, I am proud of it.

I'll use it elsewhere.
Sorry I had'nt noticed, trust it to be very quite good.

Think 'the greatest thing ever written down on paper with the intention on being comedic' and you're there.

I'm pissed off because I have tickets to see Tim Vine this evening and can't go.

Quote: Loopey @ May 13 2011, 10:31 AM BST

I'm pissed off because I have tickets to see Tim Vine this evening and can't go.

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I'm sure he'll come to you. He is a very nice Christian you know.