I read the news today oh boy! Page 2117

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Rood Eye

  • Monday 4th November 2019, 12:46am [Edited]
  • England
  • 3,063 posts

A royal source says that Kate Middleton wants Prince George, Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis to 'live in the real world and have the same experiences as other kids'.

I wonder if the kids know they're being put up for adoption?

I'd love to see their faces when she tells them! Laughing out loud

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Rood Eye

  • Monday 4th November 2019, 2:02pm
  • England
  • 3,063 posts

A man in India has died after attempting to eat 50 eggs for a 2000-rupee (£21) bet.

He got as far as egg 42 before collapsing and being rushed to hospital, where he died.

He lost the bet and he's dead but, looking on the bright side, at least he won't have to shell out.

Do you see what I did there? Laughing out loud

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Rood Eye

  • Monday 4th November 2019, 8:43pm
  • England
  • 3,063 posts

Jeremy Corbyn has signed a statement admitting to supporting terrorists and being an anti-Semite.

However, in his defence, it must be made clear that what he signed was a folded-up sheet of paper upon which he thought he was giving his autograph.

Immediately after Jeremy signed it, the 15-year-old "autograph hunter" unfolded the paper to show what it actually was.

Let this be a lesson to us all: never sign anything without reading it thoroughly! Laughing out loud

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john tregorran

  • Monday 4th November 2019, 9:37pm
  • mornington,victoria, Australia
  • 436 posts

Melbourne Cup here today.The race that stops the nation.
Statewide day off.
Big fuss this year though because of the recent exposure of how they treat the race horses after their careers are over.No living out their lives in well deserved retirement for most of them.

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Briosaid

  • Monday 4th November 2019, 11:21pm
  • Scotland
  • 1,083 posts

What about this poor man who lost his job with MacDonald? Has nobody told them that work is where people most oftem meet their partners? I speak from experience.

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Rood Eye

  • Tuesday 5th November 2019, 9:12am [Edited]
  • England
  • 3,063 posts

According to reports, the Catholic Church is investigating the cases of two nuns who've become pregnant while working in Africa.

If I were advising these nuns, I'd tell them to express wonder at their conditions and to stress that they have never at any time being intimate with a man.

The Catholic Church can hardly deny that such things happen. Laughing out loud

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Rood Eye

  • Tuesday 5th November 2019, 9:20am [Edited]
  • England
  • 3,063 posts

Recent research has shown that pupils at fee-paying schools score two grades higher at A-level than pupils at state schools.

That's probably because vast numbers of pupils at state schools are there because the law requires them to be there rather than because they want to be.

It's also probably because the few pupils who do want to be there find it difficult to concentrate in class while pupils all around them are shouting, fighting, stabbing each other, having sex, smoking joints and shooting up heroin.

State education is in a right state!

Do you see what I did there? Laughing out loud

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Rood Eye

  • Tuesday 5th November 2019, 12:19pm [Edited]
  • England
  • 3,063 posts

A couple of years ago, a granny in Rotherham, South Yorkshire, was given a micro-pig as a present by her granddaughter who had bought the animal for £60 from somebody on Facebook.

The piglet, who she named "Twiglet", lived with the granny in her flat.

Twiglet lived a life of luxury, using a litter tray when necessary, sleeping on a single mattress on a bed of straw and thoroughly enjoying her diet of Chinese takeaways, chocolate and porridge.

Fast forward to the present day and the granny has departed this life, leaving her family with the task of rehoming Twiglet.

Not a difficult task, you might think. I mean, who wouldn't like a micro-pig as a pet?

The snag is that Twiglet is no longer micro: she weighs 30 stone and is the size of a young elephant.

Another snag is that Twiglet couldn't be persuaded to tackle the stairs leading from the granny's flat to the outside world.

So, enter the Fire Brigade, the RSPCA and the Green Vets!

After much huffing, puffing, pulling and pushing, Twiglet was eventually sedated and removed from the flat and is now living happily at an animal rehabilitation centre.

According to reports, she's as happy as a pig in sh . . . effield.

Do you see what I did there? Laughing out loud

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billwill

  • Tuesday 5th November 2019, 12:34pm [Edited]
  • North London, England
  • 5,762 posts

Rood Eye is rude? Aye!

Do you see what I did there? :(

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Rood Eye

  • Tuesday 5th November 2019, 12:44pm
  • England
  • 3,063 posts
Quote: billwill @ 5th November 2019, 12:34 PM

Rood Eye is rude? Aye!

Do you see what I did there? :(

I see what you did there. Laughing out loud

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Rood Eye

  • Tuesday 5th November 2019, 2:15pm [Edited]
  • England
  • 3,063 posts

A 25-year-old woman from Devon has been jailed for six years for smuggling £38,000's worth of cocaine into Britain.

What's this? Women in Britain being sent to prison when they haven't murdered anybody?

I thought that sort of thing only happened to men, these days.

Is it possible that gender equality is making a comeback in our law courts?

In any event, I'm not going to get excited just yet: she'll probably have her sentence reduced to community service on appeal.

Be that as it may, however, it's nice to know we still have a few judges who see men and women as equals under the law.

I have to say it's refreshing news: I'd begun to suspect there might be an ongoing high-level plot to empty our women's prisons and convert them into trendy luxury apartments. Laughing out loud

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Firkin

  • Tuesday 5th November 2019, 4:12pm [Edited]
  • United Kingdom
  • 729 posts

Smuggling £38K of coke, she must have a cavernous orifice somewhere. When she goes inside, she'll be able to smuggle in a pool table.

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Rood Eye

  • Wednesday 6th November 2019, 12:43pm [Edited]
  • England
  • 3,063 posts

Jo Swinson says that when she looks at Boris Johnson and Jeremy Corbyn, she's absolutely certain she could do a better job than either of them.

She couldn't.

When it comes to running a country, I think even Laurel and Hardy in a coalition with the Marx Brothers might do a better job than Jo Swinson. Laughing out loud

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Paul Wimsett

  • Wednesday 6th November 2019, 12:52pm
  • Folkestone, United Kingdom
  • 3,237 posts

I think it's very annoying that other people are allowed to post on Ropd Eye's thread...

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billwill

  • Wednesday 6th November 2019, 12:59pm
  • North London, England
  • 5,762 posts

To be fair, it seems that the £4million grant is to the German portion of the firm in which JoSwinson's husband is a director (not Owner) and the UK portion of the firm has no access to that £4million. The UK portion of the firm received only minor grants from the EU.

I suppose she (and the LibDems) are entitled to their stance as they did stand and get elected on a manifesto or Remaining, for the 2017 election.

Not that I agree with abrogating Article 50, at all myself.