I read the news today oh boy! Page 1,555

If 300 Italian or French girls had been kidnapped by bandits in broad daylight it would certainly have been front page news

Seems Nigerian children don't matter as much

Should they not just send Rolf Harris and Stuart Hall?
If anyone's going to sniff out 200 schoolgirls it'll be those two.

Quote: lofthouse @ 10th May 2014, 2:40 PM BST

If 300 Italian or French girls had been kidnapped by bandits in broad daylight it would certainly have been front page news

Seems Nigerian children don't matter as much

At the moment they're ranking much higher than an entire jumbo jet full of missing Orientals of all ages.

I don't see Michele Obama holding up a piece of paper demanding the location of MH 370.

Quote: Lazzard @ 10th May 2014, 2:47 PM BST

Should they not just send Rolf Harris and Stuart Hall?
If anyone's going to sniff out 200 schoolgirls it'll be those two.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ 6th May 2014, 6:39 PM BST

Can't we send our celebrity paedophiles out there to find them?

In the case of Rolf Harris, alleged celebrity paedophile.

Let's not get the lawyers involved!

Quote: Jennie @ 10th May 2014, 2:57 PM BST

In the case of Rolf Harris, alleged celebrity paedophile.

Let's not get the lawyers involved!

So, don't guess what he is yet?

Quote: Jennie @ 10th May 2014, 2:57 PM BST

In the case of Rolf Harris, alleged celebrity paedophile.

Let's not get the lawyers involved!

Never said he was, your honour.
just good in a crisis....

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ 6th May 2014, 6:39 PM BST

Can't we send our celebrity paedophiles out there to find them?

Apologies.
Obviously didn't scroll back far enough to see if it had been cracked yet.

I think the perfect end to the kidnapping crisis would be for US Intelligence to track down the location of the missing girls and then devise a rescue plan.

In a mad bid for glory and public support, Goodluck Jonathan sends in Nigerian troops to free the hostages without informing the West. These ill equipped and unprofessional soldiers end up killing most of the hostages and allowing the ring leaders to escape. Goodluck says it's a great victory and buys a new Mercedes. The end.

Quote: Lazzard @ 10th May 2014, 3:04 PM BST

Apologies.
Obviously didn't scroll back far enough to see if it had been cracked yet.

You know what they say, great minds...make similar paedo jokes.

Those cheating thieving bastards!

I'm talking about Gary Barlowe and his bastard mates!!! Pay your f**king taxes like us poor people!!!!!

http://www.cbc.ca/news/world/nigeria-oil-riches-can-t-hide-a-wealth-of-social-ills-1.2637455

An oil rich country that gained independence from Britain. Pay attention Scotland, this is what awaits you.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/cycling/27348953

Laura Trott had quite a bad crash during the World Tour cycling event. I guess it's a myth that women's cycles synchronise.

Joke number 2 aint bad.

as for the first one, I wrote this skit 6 years ago for news revue and got a treble.

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/5374#P103866

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/worldcup2014/article-2622227/Brazil-sports-minister-World-Cup-2014-safer-Iraq-Afghanistan.html

what is it with 3rd ministers for 3rd world shite holes giving the UK shit.

I think we've got trident subs lets use them.

Quote: sootyj @ 10th May 2014, 6:49 PM BST

as for the first one, I wrote this skit 6 years ago for news revue and got a treble.

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/5374#P103866

That's the thing, there's no way we'd have attacked Iraq if they actually definitely had weapons that could cause massive damage to the UK. Look at N Korea (although China having their back is also part of that).

Quote: sootyj @ 10th May 2014, 6:49 PM BST

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/worldcup2014/article-2622227/Brazil-sports-minister-World-Cup-2014-safer-Iraq-Afghanistan.html

what is it with 3rd ministers for 3rd world shite holes giving the UK shit.

I think we've got trident subs lets use them.

He's like a Brazilian Jeremy Clarkson.

http://www.theepochtimes.com/n3/667585-chinas-contingency-plans-for-north-korea-collapse/

yup China has North Korea's back....

Hah. Well they'd always been the only country even slightly friendly to North Korea, although I had heard they'd started to distance themselves.

Interesting their solution would be to put Kim Jong-Nam in charge. That's the problem, the wrong "Kim Jong-" is in control.

Quote: Raymond Terrific @ 10th May 2014, 7:01 PM BST

He's like a Brazilian Jeremy Clarkson.

Except unlike Jezzer he's a government minister.

And if he's being a clown's arse over this and the FO decide to class Brazil as a risk to UK travellers. People won't be able to get travel insurance and won't be able to afford to travel.

And it'll cost his country millions.

Wot a cock.

Quote: Chappers @ 10th May 2014, 6:27 PM BST

Those cheating thieving bastards!

I'm talking about Gary Barlowe and his bastard mates!!! Pay your f**king taxes like us poor people!!!!!

If Take That were clever, they could do a deal with HMRC and pay off the debt by promoting self assessment adverts.

All we do each night is PAYE
It only takes a minute girl...to fill in your tax return online
Never Forget the deadline for returns is midnight 31st October
Not paying the tax on A Million Love Songs will be the main reason for appearing in court
Back For Goods and Chattel
Review My Files
Could It Be Magistrates

Right, I'm punned out.