Charley likes nothing better than to cock a snook.

Lewis Carroll is outraged.

Big Jack got his nickname when he worked for a vehicle recovery firm and was the only man with the equipment needed to lift a Bugatti Veyron.

GallonOfAlan left a string of bogies in his secondary school toilets wall, drew a circle around them and wrote I was here and here is a piece of me f**kers.

Charley or "Charley Chalk" as she was known in the advertising world, once sniffed Tara Palmer Tomkinson under the table in Soho's world famous 'coke-off'. Tying a silk scarf around her head, she bellowed "come on Tara, get it up your beak," before smashing an ash tray through a Lalique glass chandelier and repeatedly stabbing her own hand with a shard.

Mr Carneige once propositioned Jo Brand to an arm wrestle but when he relaised how strong she was, he changed it to a bumming instead. It took 6 years to remove his hemorrhoids.

Charley had a lovely ploughman's lunch yesterday. He'd just collapsed with a massive heart attack and  it seemed a shame to waste it.

Ishy lives in a bale of straw with three mice and an elephant.

Big Jack is suing Sega for breach of copyright over a children's book he wrote when he was at school, called Super Monkey's Balls. His story involved a monkey called Knackerchimp whose testicles became radioactive one morning, allowing him to travel through time. He's hoping to fund the sequel, The Scarlett Chimpernel, with any cash he makes.

Ishy is currently dating a Lollipop Lady - not the elderly woman who stands in the road - but a Chupa-Chups strawberry pop that he's made a little dress and wig for.

He takes her out on dates, walks with her in the park and when it's time for romance, he shoves her up his bum - so no change there.

Renegade Carpark once broke a man's glasses and then said that the man's mother had fleas in her bumhole.

Ben has a little stall next to a naturist beach. He's made a fortune selling fake x-ray specs to naive perverts.

I found a poo-pie bird once with a broken wing. I took it to the RSPCA who directed me to a mobile food caravan in an east facing lay-by off the M3. Within this food outlet was a green framed photograph of Richard III. Tucked into one corner was a left luggage ticket from Euston station. On the ticket in red felt pen was the inscription "Who Dares, Wins".

What has this got to do with Ishy you ask?

Isn't it obvious?

He's gay!

Will makes full use of the cloud for all his storage. As he has a deep mistrust of everything and everyone, Will has made his own cloud out of helium balloons and cotton wool which he keeps tethered to his shed. The neighbours aren't happy though as the cloud keeps bobbing into their eyesight showing off Will's prized collection of 1970s porn mags and artificial vaginas.

Ishy sells his liver in 1g bags to heroin addicts.

Will Cam bases his insurance buying decisions on how many free f**king meerkat dolls the dodgy bastards give away.

Oh wait, that's most of Britain, bunch of stupid pricks.