Do you think clowns walk funny?

I've had it with revolving doors. I can't tell whether I'm coming or going.

Tim: I need a temporary innovation for this cushion. Anyone?
Jim: I'm not sure. Maybe stick a pin in it for now.

Tim: EUREKA! I have found a way to keep food in storage!
Jim: Can it, Tim!

Pirate: How do you finish spelling the word Hawaii? You, boy, tell me now!
Boy: Aye, Aye, Cap'n.

I've had it with sex on the toilet. I can't tell whether I'm cumming or going.

Quote: Woozie @ 31st July 2015, 3:05 AM BST

I've had it with sex on the toilet. I can't tell whether I'm cumming or going.

View original

I suffer from premature ejaculation and diarrhoea. Easy come, easy go, that's me.

I hate people who add an unneccesary 's' at the end of words. Simples. Laters, friends.

Tim: I like to inform people.
Jim: You're telling me!

Tim: This light bulb is £1000.
Jim: WHAT?!
Tim: 60.

Tim: I'm going to pull my brain right out of my skull.
Jim: Hold that thought.

I love keels. They really float my boat.

Where do you put the hair pie to cool down? The vagisil

My dentist is Melanie C. I'd give HER a filling.

Doctor help me it's ruining my sex life! I suffer from premature ejaculation

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 3rd August 2015, 2:11 PM BST

I love keels. They really float my boat.

View original

My poor dill. It's in a real pickle.

8 out of 10 cats said they would pick a fight with your dog, the other two are pussies.

Epilepsy, blink and you'll miss it.

Paloma's fans are quite religious. They are always reaching out to touch faith.

My dad went down with his shirt. He had a burial at C...and A.

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 31st July 2015, 12:17 PM BST

I hate people who add an unneccesary 's' at the end of words. Simples. Laters, friends.

View original

v good

He created a structure in the shape of a sheet of music. However, a note was missing. His art skipped a beat.

You say "not-on", I say "finished", lets call the whole thing "off".

I would go but my golfing gloves have a hole in one.

When golfing, remember to focus on your drive. You don't want to cause another pile-up on the way there.

Where does the cross-dressing window cleaner keep his ladders? In his tights.

Two positive reactions in a week! Thank you. Meanwhile...
It said in the hotel bog, 'Put only tissue paper down the toilet.' So I shat on the floor.

I'm thinking of opening a Bakery catering to Existentialists... I will call it "Waiting for Good Dough"....