Playfull only has one butt cheek and keeps falling off chairs.

HGT runs the Steeple Bumstead branch of the Illuminati. It is a small chapter with only three regular members but his position still affords him the honorary title of Grand Ejaculate of the 33°.
Because of its arcane hierarchical structure, HGT is actually ranked higher in the secretive Illuminati organisation than Prince Philip who he calls by the familiar name 'Phil the Greek' The Queen is of course always referred to in meetings as the 'Missus Phil'.
Being an Illuminati luminary does have its upside in that he has Warren Buffet, Bill gates, the Pope and Simon Cowell on speed dial - but it also means that he is continually being spied on by David Ike, who can often be found hiding out in the 'Missus HGT's' bush.

With his single Cro-Magnon eyebrow and moustache, Playfull's head looks the same upside down.

Do you remember the song - 'they'll keep a welcome in the hillside'?

Well, the 'they' are Herc, Wayne Sleep, Marc Almond and Julian Clary.

Will Cam flashed a woman and she complained to Trading Standards.

HGT was thinking about retiring from flashing...but then decided to stick it out for another year...

Palyfull is a flash drive discarded on Wimbledon Common and then successfully used as an alibi by Orinoco (a Womble) when defending a charge of indecent exposure.

Nick Nockerty 's first girlfriend told him that Metal Mickey had an iron lung so he wrote to Jim'll-f**ks-you and asked if Mickey could have a lung transplant, except he wrote 'mung' by mistake so Peado-Jim had Mickey kidnapped by a Chinese gang who took out his liver and replaced it with a giant bean. Roy Castle found out and caused a right scene in the BBC canteen blathering on about it to Jan Leeming who couldn't give two f**ks to be honest.

Will Cam had a bucket list, but kicked it before he had a chance to start on it.

(Hope I haven't tempted fate )

HGT believes that Doyle was the best 'professional', when everybody knows it was Bodie!

Playfull can juggle footy balls.

Strumpet had to sack her kangaroo maid as it kept spilling the soup.

H.G.T. woke up to find a lot of short people in his front garden, before realising he was Chair of the Human Gnome Trust HGT.

Nick Nockerty is more than just a feeling, more than just a popular movement. More a memory than a feeling of a memory. His name is often left unspoken, particularly by those who have never heard of him. Is he a shadow? Is he an enigma? Is he a shadow of an enigma? Is he real or just dream...and why does his name sound like a noise someone with knock knees and rickets might make...

When Playfull became playmate of the month, an unscrupulous lady drained all the fun out of him. He now prefers the name Play, although his mother still calls him Gerald.