Alan goes on a date with an X-rated actress, while Peruvian Flu strikes at the Murray's newspaper offices.

Murray is worried that he will catch Peruvian Flu, which everyone at the newspaper he works for, the Gazette, has caught. Alan has managed to land a part in a controversial play called "Shipping and Trucking", where one of his female co-stars, Emma Evans, performs a somewhat rude act live on stage.

Alan and Murray decide to go out to the world's largest Indian restaurant, Curryworld, which helps Murray think of clues for a crossword he has to compile for the Gazette. Kate is getting in a mood because she has to fill in a series of end-of-term reports for her students, but Alan suggests that she gets the pupils to fill them out themselves as a form of "Self-appraisal", so that she can have the time off. Later, Alan has a date with Emma, and it goes incredibly well.

At work, Kate gets the pupils to fill out their self-appraisal, but the pupils are reluctant. Murray meanwhile continues to find more people not coming into work, so he finds himself as the only person working for the paper. Alan and Emma attempt some improvisation, and he tries to get Emma to perform the "act", but the director of the play does not allow them to go through with it.

The Headmaster at Kate's school is annoyed by her lateness in terms of handing in the reports, but she extends her deadline. Meanwhile, Alan, Kate and Murray visit Curryworld - which works more like an airport. However, everyone has brought their work with them. Murray tries to carry out an interview with Alan in order to fill out some space on the paper, but it becomes clear that Murray is going to report what Alan really feels about the play, and not what he says in the interview.

The following day, Kate pretends to cry in front of the Headmaster so that she does not have to fill out any more reports. However, the Headmaster has already sent out some old, rather uncomplimentary reports that she had written in anger.

Murray's boss meanwhile suggests that he alters Alan's interview to make it better, but in fact it results in several people cancelling their tickets. On teacher-parents evening, the parents turn up to talk to Kate's reports. Expecting the worst, the parents find her honesty refreshing. Emma reads the interview in the paper and when Alan and she improvise the last scene, she takes out her anger on him.

A few days later, Alan discovers on the TV that his part in the play has been taken over the Leonardo DiCaprio. There is also a TV interview with the man who made the change possible. The West End's biggest correspondent - Murray.