Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 9th March 2022, 10:14 AM

If you haven't honked your ring up after a session, you haven't lived.
I once got alcoholic poisoning after drinking several bottles of merrydown cider.
I didn't know it was nearly 8% proof, I was proper ill for days and the smell of cider still make me wretch

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Never been fond of cider, dunno why, BUT GENUINELY I had a full blown hangover for two whole days after drinking God knows the quantity of whisky. It wasn't until the third day that I started to feel a bit better - couldn't get out of bed for those two days, so maybe I had alcohol poisoning too?

My disgusted girl (now wife) went out without me and her father "looked after me" - he said afterwards that I'd been heaving so much, I was bringing up blood.

Ahh, the joys of drinking.

Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 11th March 2022, 9:16 AM

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I don't know where she gets four hours from. It's more than six but at least it happens twice a day, every day of the year, regular as clockwork, and once it's up it stays up for ages.
Count your blessings, woman!

This reminds me of the old chestnut (pun) that just about bears repeating.

Man is viewing the proceedings in a court room on a small island in the middle of nowhere, and is impressed with how it is conducted, so asks the court clerk how they've managed to get it so much like the British courts, and he says "Well we base it on what hear on the radio",

"Oh", says the man, "very good, but I don't understand why you have a little man enter the court now and then, who goes around the court grabbing lady's breasts"

"Well," says the clerk "it says on the radio - 'A little titter went round the court"

Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 12th March 2022, 9:39 AM

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And then . . .

Woman (smiling pleasantly at library official): While I have your attention, is it possible to turn the heating up - just a little?

Poor effort.

And that draught from the window must be chilly too Alison.

Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 14th March 2022, 10:05 AM

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And then . . .

Woman: This is awful. What can I do?

Doctor: You need one of those boys to 'give you a ring' as soon as possible - preferably within the next six months.

Quote: alison blunderland @ 14th March 2022, 3:18 PM

And then . . .

Woman: This is awful. What can I do?

Doctor: You need one of those boys to 'give you a ring' as soon as possible - preferably within the next six months.

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That's much better than the original gag