A meeting for addicts is being held in the church hall. Tony Maloney is the therapist.

Tony
Right Ladies & Gentleman. We are gathered here today to talk over and hopefully help each other with our addictions. I am en ex addict myself so I have been there, done that and got the t.shirt to prove it.(He opens his jacket to show off his T-shirt. It reads “Tony Maloney no longer addicted to Sex.
Right lets all introduce ourselves. Starting with you…..(He points a middle finger)

Claire
Hi I am Claire & I am addicted to crack.

Tony
Oh dear you poor thing, You’re a lezza, a carpet muncher a FILTHY DIRTY DYKE EE DO DEE DUM.

Claire
(hurt expression) No Tony! Crack cocaine.

Tony
BooooooooooRing. Sit down druggie, lets have….(he points) You.

Gary
Hi I am Gary & I am addicted to sniffing

Tony
Urrrrgh A rim sniffer.

Gary
No! I like to sniff glue

Tony
Ewwwwwwww! You aint sniffing me. Sit down man, you are embarrassing yourself. Lets have (he points) YOU!

Jeremy
Hi I am Jeremy & I am addicted to fags.

Tony
(wiggles his hips & sings) Gayo! Gaaaayo! Daylight come & I wanna homo.

Jeremy
NO! Fags, sometimes up to 40 a day.

Tony
Ewwwwwwwww! That means you must bum a different fella every 20 odd minutes. Errrrrr! (he starts to dance & sing) Gay he is gay he is is Gayyyyyyyyo Daylight come and he bum bum bum.

Jeremy
I smoke cigarettes Tony.

Tony
Use whatever term you like for it Jezza, you is still a Gayo. Now sit down unless you want another song. Lets have (he points) YOU.

Elle
Hi my name is Elle & I am addicted to chocolate

Tony
Body paint

Elle
Not really. My favourite is a Kit Kat

Tony
How many fingers can you handle. 2 or 4.

Elle
As many as I can, the more the better.

(Tony turns around, a zip is heard, he is obviously wanking, he looks over his shoulder to continue to talk, pulling aroused faces)

Tony
Do you suck those fingers

Elle
Yes often, I want to get as much pleasure from them as I can.

Tony
(licking his lips)Do you swallow all of it

Elle
(frowning slightly) Yes, every last bit

Tony
Argggggggggh. (does his zip up and turns around)

Tony
Right gang. This concludes our meeting for this week. It is a long road to recovery, but look at me. If I can do it, so can you. Now I will do, I mean see you all next week.

Couldn't help laughing to myself.

Which one were you?

Neither you cheeky sod, well I do have a slight love for white magnum lollies.

Right I am cheeky & I am bumping this coz one I say one comment just aint good enough. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease three more atleast.

Carries through quite well but fell off a bit at the end I thought. It's very dependent on how bizarre the Tony part can be portrayed ... the rest of them being just innocent seekers after truth and/or a solution. Needs something but I can't nail down what it is unfortunately. I'm not being very helpful I'm afraid!

very surreal charley! its good but I always find your use of the term Gayooooooo, he's a gayooooo, really annoying!

lol not much help really.

This is the third one you asked for although I'm not going to say anything about it. So that's ther end of it now.

Quote: Greggles @ June 1, 2007, 2:45 PM

very surreal charley! its good but I always find your use of the term Gayooooooo, he's a gayooooo, really annoying!

lol not much help really.

View original

Sorry hun, but i lurrrrrve the term gayo. I have no idea why but I just do. Gay just doesnt sound the same without an o on the end to me. LOL

That was Fandabbydosey!!

Can I make one suggestion of an idea?!

When he finishes whacking off, have him step away, to the side, to reveal some poor bastard covered in jizz!

Just an idea.

Not a very nice idea though is it Mr Leevil.

Hello,

I don't find this funny. It seems forced and poorly executed.

Best wishes

Alan

Quote: Alan Alexander @ June 1, 2007, 5:07 PM

Hello,

I don't find this funny. It seems forced and poorly executed.

Best wishes

Alan

View original

Ha ha. Brilliant. That's a quality post. I particularly liked the best wishes bit at the end. Very good. I'm not knocking the sketch but you've got to admire that. It's just funny.

Quote: Boits @ June 1, 2007, 5:19 PM

Ha ha. Brilliant. That's a quality post. I particularly liked the best wishes bit at the end. Very good. I'm not knocking the sketch but you've got to admire that. It's just funny.

View original

Honestly, I bear no ill will.
It seems pointless to praise a poor piece of work. I think the writer could do with a reality check.
The Town Heads scenes I have read so far lack pace, believable dialogue, recognisable characters and - most importantly - heart.

Quote: Alan Alexander @ June 1, 2007, 5:23 PM

Honestly, I bear no ill will.
It seems pointless to praise a poor piece of work. I think the writer could do with a reality check.
The Town Heads scenes I have read so far lack pace, believable dialogue, recognisable characters and - most importantly - heart.

View original

That was classic. Come on then Mr Alexander. Lets see a sketch of yours with Pace, believable dialogue, recognisable characters and heart from YOU!

The point that sketch was making was once an addict always an addict. MUCH LIKE ONCE A PLONKER ALWAYS A PLONKER.

I see you became a member today. Which one of the current members are you? I have a feeling you are using an allias

Fair comment though friend.

Quote: charley rance @ June 1, 2007, 5:40 PM

Lets see a sketch of yours with Pace, believable dialogue, recognisable characters and heart from YOU!

View original

I can understand you being defensive. Nobody likes criticism, but sometimes it's best to take a deep breath and consider whether it's valid.

Let me put it this way: do you like any of the people in these sketches? Do they seem like real people with whom you could identify?

To me, they seem charmless cut-outs who exist to deliver some unpleasant, obvious, unfunny lines.

Even in a sketch, there must be some revelation of character. To be blunt, this is poorly written material.

But I wish you well, of course.