SAFEWAY!

What?

I thought we were naming supermarkets. Thought I would throw in a classic.

There's such a thing as a supermarket? Can it see through walls?

No, it's not a super human market. Unless it sees with the security cameras.

You've broken my brain, Leevil! aaaaaaaaassssssssssssssssssssssxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mission accomplished.

'takes off party hat, puts on GOM hat'

Thank God that pile of sh*t is over for another year.

Just got to get through New Year now and sanity returns to the nation.

Apart from the Coalition government that is.

After a f**king HORRIBLE game of Christmas Monopoly with my wife, son and Mother-In-Law, I wrote this down before I forgot the details.

THINGS THAT APPARENTLY AREN'T ALLOWED IN MONOPOLY ACCORDING TO THE MOTHER-IN-LAW:

1)Helping your 9-year-old son out with discounts and more money because apparently "he needs to learn how to lose".

2)2) Winning the game if you're a man.

THINGS THAT ARE ALLOWED IN MONOPOLY ACCORDING TO THE MOTHER-IN-LAW:

1)Throwing monopoly money in the face of your son-in-law 4 times because you can't bear to hand it over.

2)Playing the sexist card - "You're enjoying winning because you're a man".

3)Pointing and laughing at your son-in-law for a good two minutes, because he got a "You won second prize in a beauty contest competition". Cue witticisms aimed at opponent's appearance because he's wearing pyjamas.

4)Accusing your son-in-law of "taking the game too seriously" when in actual fact he's just trying have a laugh, and it's you who's sticking to the rules like some f**king Board Game Gestapo Officer.

5) When 9-year-old sticks up for his Dad because he senses injustice, accuse him of wearing "rose-tinted glasses when it comes to his Dad". Attempting to reduce a Father's image in his son's eyes is apparently fine when playing Monopoly.

6)When it looks like you're going to lose the game to your son-in-law, announce that you're giving up because there's no point and you're not going to give him the satisfaction.

7) When your game starts to pick up again, announce you're now back with the intention of winning your son-in-law. This is obviously not childish, or being a bad loser.

8) Ignore your earlier statements about how the 9-year-old normally cheats at Monopoly and you bend the rules for him when playing. There are different rules when his Dad is playing. Strict, unyielding, unbendable rules that must not be broken at all costs for some bizarre reason.

9)When all is lost, and your son-in-law (in an attempt to salvage some pleasantness from the disastrous game of Monopoly) has offered to sell his hotels to you for 1 pound each - do not accept. Instead, why not slag him off for not keeping the Monopoly money in his hand as pristine as the moment it left the wrapper?

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ.

Well Lee if nothing else you have an ace scene for your soon to be comissioned sitcom. Imagine her pinched cats arse face when she se's herself being played as a total c**t by Robby Chubby Brown in drag.

Seriously though you must have the patience of a saint.

Nice relaxing day, Lee?

Christmas is over. Could we please lock this thread and hide it away for another year?

Happy Christmas you lot.

I didn't even get to Holland as they closed the airport.

Ah well.

D'you get a refund or?

Yeah hopefully... takes 4 weeks to refund you though...