The funeral of Percy Smith, the Hokey Cokey champion, was delayed today, when it took them half an hour to get him in the coffin.

Oh, I'm that proud - my little 18-month-old grandson texted his first word today

Sean Dyche will make his first announcement regarding the Everton job
tomorrow at 12.00 PM, roughly speaking

My brother is famous for balancing 20 pigeons across the length of his arms.
He's a ledge.

Australia will not have Charlie on their bank notes, they'll be using crystal meth instead.

I am going to make a Frank Sinatra-themed cake on Mount Everest. I mean if I can bake it there...

I tried to download a PDF of Frank Sinatra lyrics
but I was told I had to upgrade to Adobe dooby doo

The Google CEO has said it only took 25 hours to build their search engine. He said Chrome wasn't built in a day

I like that one. Speaking of which:

When in Rome....is quando, I think.

I didn't get a valentines card from Moonpig this morning - but she's good with the kids.

I've offered to give an elderly aunt some money so she can instal a stair lift. She says she might take me up on it.

😄

I had a few jobs that needed doing around the house so I contacted someone advertising as a handy man in the local paper. I gave him a numbered list of the five things that I wanted doing.

He came round but he only did three of the jobs I'd listed. He didn't do the ones I'd numbered 2 or 4.

Turns out he was only an odd job man.

Quote: Billy Bunter @ 21st May 2023, 2:40 PM

I had a few jobs that needed doing around the house so I contacted someone advertising as a handy man in the local paper. I gave him a numbered list of the five things that I wanted doing.

He came round but he only did three of the jobs I'd listed. He didn't do the ones I'd numbered 2 or 4.

Turns out he was only an odd job man.

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On Tony Blackburn's Sounds of the 60s?

Test joke:
I wanted a new basin in the bathroom but the plumber refused to enter with it.
Let that sink in.