The New Statesman spin-off announced

Wednesday 29th March 2017, 5:01pm

The New Statesman. Alan B'Stard MP (Rik Mayall). Copyright: Alomo Productions / Yorkshire Television

A spin-off from hit sitcom 1980s and 1990s sitcom The New Statesman has been announced.

Writers Laurence Marks and Maurice Gran have revealed today they are now working on a new show called The B'Stard Legacy. It will follow the adventures of Arron, the son of Sir Alan B'Stard, the central character from the original show, played by the late Rik Mayall.

Arron - who operates a string of websites, including the world's most popular social media platform - was the result of a sperm donation the Tory MP made whilst he was still alive.

The writers are developing the project through their own production outfit LocomoTV, in conjunction with Corona TV, the company founded by filmmaking duo Richard Johns and Rupert Jermyn.

The producers say: "Unprecedented political events, ranging from Brexit to the election of President Donald Trump in the US are shaping the country. With the political satire genre, much like our political landscape, in crisis and in need of help, Marks and Gran believe that the new show, The B'Stard Legacy, is what the world needs in the time of the alt-right and Fake News."

The New Statesman ran on TV for four series and a number of specials between 1987 and 1994, starring Rik Mayall as the immoral and corrupt politician. The comedian last played the character in a 2007 stage show, and then briefly again in a 2011 political advert campaigning against the Alternative Vote system. Mayall died of a suspected heart attack in 2014, aged 56.

To explain how the they could "possibly recreate the iconic show without the notorious character and the ego that was politician Alan B'Stard, played by the late Rik Mayall", Marks & Gran - who also write Birds Of A Feather - have released a press release in the format of a comical letter:

The New Statesman. Alan B'Stard MP (Rik Mayall)

To the "Gentlemen" of the press.

Sir Alan B'Stard, as we're sure you remember, met his untimely end in 2014, in a skydiving orgy disaster that the world's media were bribed not to report. Today, the nation aches for a man of Sir Alan's intellect, resourcefulness and devious cunning, to lead us through the morass of Brexit, Trumpery, and smart fridges that order hundreds of cartons of yoghurt while you're asleep.

But all is not lost. Everybody knows that Sir Alan was driven by his gargantuan libido; he was proud of his excessive sex drive and of his ability to reach orgasm inside ten seconds. But we only learned recently that he was a frequent and enthusiastic sperm donor from the age of 12, when we were contacted by the man claiming to be his rightful heir.

As the executors of Sir Alan B'Stard's legacy, we took it upon ourselves to interview the claimant, Arron Conway, an apparently mild-mannered individual and the adopted son of two Green Party activists in Welwyn Garden City. Arron is the operations manager of a medium-sized IT company, and he looks nothing like his father, though he boasts of the same hair-trigger penis, which he offered to demonstrate to our researcher, Carla. She demurred.

As Arron told his tale we realised with mounting excitement that we were once again in the presence of greatness. He always knew he was adopted, not least because his father was black. But when Arron turned 40, he was overcome with a sense of life's futility and decided to use his IT skills to track down his biological father. It didn't take him long to realise he was Sir Alan's first-born son. Now everything fell into place. This was why he felt so superior to everyone he met. This was why his dreams were so vivid and ambitious. This was why he suffered from premature ejaculation.

In the few years since he decided to follow in his father's footsteps, Arron B'Stard, as we must now think of him, has quietly been building an international business and media empire. You've heard of Gabfest, the world's biggest social website; it belongs to Arron. Wakileaks; HowlerMonkey; Flashermac; Kim Jong Un; all controlled by Arron.

But now Arron B'Stard has decided to take his rightful place on the world stage. From now on he will operate in full view, and he has asked us - Laurence Marks and Maurice Gran - to present his schemes and adventures to the public. To be honest, we don't really want to, but we are terrified to turn him down.

Yours sincerely,
Laurence Marks and Maurice Gran

At the time of writing, the scripts are still in development. No casting details or TV channel has been announced. Further details are expected in due course.

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