The Worst Thing To Say When Running For U.S. President
Frankie Boyle: I intend to withdraw from Iraq, and invade some real pussies... like Spain.
Hugh Dennis: Hi there, I'm like George Bush, only less intelligent.
Frankie Boyle: I will never forget the terrible events of 9/12.
Ed Byrne: Now I know what you're thinking, a Sagitarrius for President? But I have Leo rising.
Andy Parsons: Yes, I've smoked marijuana, and I inhaled... just now.
Frankie Boyle: There are no skeletons in my closed, just a black latex dildo suit.
Hugh Dennis: I would like you to call me... President... Showaddywaddy!
Frankie Boyle: I have a magnificent war record - it's Pipes Of Peace by Paul McCartney.
Ed Byrne: Whilst at college I did experiment with marijuana. I did it in snow, I did it in sleet, but I did not in hail.
Unlikely Lines To Hear On A Science Programme
Frankie Boyle: After working on the equation for thirty years, Professor Stephens made an incredible discovery - his wife had left him and he'd wasted his life.
Hugh Dennis: The trade in human organs is shocking - this kidney cost me nearly a tenner.
Andy Parsons: Today we're going to be making a bomb using chapatti flour and hydrogen peroxide.
Frankie Boyle: Which is faster, a dog or a crossbow bolt?
Jo Caulfield: And that's how God created the world in seven days.
Russell Howard: I escaped from a petri dish! What am I?!
Andy Parsons: Hello. My name's Jade Goody.
Frankie Boyle: And that is how we can prove that aluminium is gay.
Hugh Dennis: A cure for acute depression may be just around the corner. Oh here it is - a train.
Frankie Boyle: And, as the mighty lion shakes the life out of this tiny gazelle, I feel strangely horny.
Adam Hills: Well, that test was conclusive - cats have one life.
Unsettling Things to Hear from the Cockpit of a Plane
Gina Yashere: Thank God we're flying, I'm too pissed to drive.
Frankie Boyle: We're about to experience a little bit of turbulence, and then a lot of falling.
Rory Bremner: This is the captain speaking, we're out at the moment, please leave a message after the tone.
Hugh Dennis: Don't panic, just think of it as landing more vertically than normal.
Frankie Boyle: Help me with my seatbelt Abu, I can't do it with this damn hook.
Hugh Dennis: OK Captain Thomas, when I tap the windscreen, I want you to stop.
Rory Bremner: [Hums Wagner's Flight of the Valkyries]
Frankie Boyle: If you look out over the right wing, you'll see the burning remains of the left wing.
What You Don't Want to Hear a Prime Minister Say
Frankie Boyle: Gordon, I've discovered how to make myself immortal.
Rory Bremner (as David Blunkett): Well, who'd have thought it?
Hugh Dennis (as Sir Winston Churchill): Unfortunately we have received no such undertaking. We are now at war... with Wales.
Gina Yashere: Oh my God! Oh my God! First Celeb Big Brother, and now this.
Frankie Boyle: Get me an eighteen inch knife and a hand grenade. I'm sorting this Iraq shit out.
Andy Parsons: So, there were these two Muslims that walked into a bar...
Greg Proops: Oh Mr President you're hurting me.
Rory Bremner: I'd just like to play you a little song I've written.
Hugh Dennis (as Jimmy Saville): Members of the house, the band was Showaddywaddy.