The Worst Thing To Say When Running For U.S. President

Frankie Boyle: I intend to withdraw from Iraq, and invade some real pussies... like Spain.

Hugh Dennis: Hi there, I'm like George Bush, only less intelligent.

Frankie Boyle: I will never forget the terrible events of 9/12.

Ed Byrne: Now I know what you're thinking, a Sagitarrius for President? But I have Leo rising.

Andy Parsons: Yes, I've smoked marijuana, and I inhaled... just now.

Frankie Boyle: There are no skeletons in my closed, just a black latex dildo suit.

Hugh Dennis: I would like you to call me... President... Showaddywaddy!

Frankie Boyle: I have a magnificent war record - it's Pipes Of Peace by Paul McCartney.

Ed Byrne: Whilst at college I did experiment with marijuana. I did it in snow, I did it in sleet, but I did not in hail.

This scene is from Episode 5.8.

Unlikely Lines To Hear On A Science Programme

Frankie Boyle: After working on the equation for thirty years, Professor Stephens made an incredible discovery - his wife had left him and he'd wasted his life.

Hugh Dennis: The trade in human organs is shocking - this kidney cost me nearly a tenner.

Andy Parsons: Today we're going to be making a bomb using chapatti flour and hydrogen peroxide.

Frankie Boyle: Which is faster, a dog or a crossbow bolt?

Jo Caulfield: And that's how God created the world in seven days.

Russell Howard: I escaped from a petri dish! What am I?!

Andy Parsons: Hello. My name's Jade Goody.

Frankie Boyle: And that is how we can prove that aluminium is gay.

Hugh Dennis: A cure for acute depression may be just around the corner. Oh here it is - a train.

Frankie Boyle: And, as the mighty lion shakes the life out of this tiny gazelle, I feel strangely horny.

Adam Hills: Well, that test was conclusive - cats have one life.

This scene is from Episode 5.4.

Unsettling Things to Hear from the Cockpit of a Plane

Gina Yashere: Thank God we're flying, I'm too pissed to drive.

Frankie Boyle: We're about to experience a little bit of turbulence, and then a lot of falling.

Rory Bremner: This is the captain speaking, we're out at the moment, please leave a message after the tone.

Hugh Dennis: Don't panic, just think of it as landing more vertically than normal.

Frankie Boyle: Help me with my seatbelt Abu, I can't do it with this damn hook.

Hugh Dennis: OK Captain Thomas, when I tap the windscreen, I want you to stop.

Rory Bremner: [Hums Wagner's Flight of the Valkyries]

Frankie Boyle: If you look out over the right wing, you'll see the burning remains of the left wing.

This scene is from Episode 2.5.

What You Don't Want to Hear a Prime Minister Say

Frankie Boyle: Gordon, I've discovered how to make myself immortal.

Rory Bremner (as David Blunkett): Well, who'd have thought it?

Hugh Dennis (as Sir Winston Churchill): Unfortunately we have received no such undertaking. We are now at war... with Wales.

Gina Yashere: Oh my God! Oh my God! First Celeb Big Brother, and now this.

Frankie Boyle: Get me an eighteen inch knife and a hand grenade. I'm sorting this Iraq shit out.

Andy Parsons: So, there were these two Muslims that walked into a bar...

Greg Proops: Oh Mr President you're hurting me.

Rory Bremner: I'd just like to play you a little song I've written.

Hugh Dennis (as Jimmy Saville): Members of the house, the band was Showaddywaddy.

This scene is from Episode 2.4.