Quotes

Paula Radcliffe didn't do very well at the Olympics. I think if Paula is watching, take comfort, I mean it's not all bad - if you were a horse, you would have been shot by now!

Frankie Boyle in Series 6, Episode 7

I would have loved to have had a gay dad. Do you remember at school, there were always kids saying My dad's bigger than your dad, My dad will batter your dad! So what? My dad will shag your dad. And your dad will enjoy it.

Frankie Boyle

Viewers of a nervous disposition may be interested to know that your television is off and I am speaking to you from inside your head...

Hugh Dennis

Hugh's suggestion for a rejected exam question

Amy is 16. Or at least she says she was. How much trouble are you in?

Hugh Dennis

Russell's suggestion for a line you wouldn't hear in a period drama

Mr Darcy I do believe you've poked me on Facebook

Russell Howard

The infamous scandal-generating suggestion for 'Things You Wouldn't Hear in the Queen's Speech'

I have had a few medical issues this year - I'm now so old that my pussy is haunted.

Frankie Boyle in Series 4, Episode 1

Surely getting old is just depressing. Being married in your 60s is sort of like being a member of the National Trust... you've got free entry to an old ruin but nobody wants to use it.

Frankie Boyle in Series 7, Episode 3

So, I saw the Saddam being executed. It made me think... is there nothing on the internet I won't masturbate to?

Frankie Boyle in Series 6, Episode 1