| James Bolam |
Ted Whitehead |
| Tim Matthews |
Dean West |
| John Brobbey |
Leo Walcott |
| Paul Clarkson |
David Biggs |
| James Bannon |
Gary Roebuck |
| Ged Simmons |
Tommy Smith |
| Timothy West |
Sir Bob Luckton |
| Brian Pettifer |
Cliff Tutley |
| Kevin McNally |
Jake Leach |
| Peter Howitt |
Steve Denton |
| Lee Cornes |
Journalist |
| Martin Gent |
1st Journalist |
| David Roper |
Frank Jardine |
| Sam Kelly |
Ron Griffiths |
| Anastasia Hille |
Sylvia Tench |
| Morgan Jones |
Deef |
| Paul Bigley |
Spode |
| Paul McNeilly |
Les |
| Jake Wood |
Mick |
| Susie Blake |
Glenda Whitehead |
| Debra Gillett |
Jenny |
| Rob Brydon |
Radio Commentator |
| Kevin Connelly |
TV Interviewer |
| Martha Cope |
Sales Assistant |
| Daniel Husband |
Kid |
| Philip Pope (as Phillip Pope) |
Referee |
| Niven Boyd |
Linesman |
| Dermot Keaney |
Opposing Goalie |
| Kenneth Wolstenholme |
Self |
| Iain Rogerson |
Tannoy Announcer (Voice) |
| Alistair McGowan |
Voice-Over Artiste (Voice) |
| Kevin Connelly |
Voice-Over Artiste (Voice) |