Hordes Of The Things. Copyright: BBC
Hordes Of The Things

Hordes Of The Things

  • Radio sitcom
  • BBC Radio 4
  • 1980
  • 4 episodes (1 series)

A radio series parodying J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings trilogy, written by John Lloyd and Andrew Marshall. Stars Frank Middlemass, Paul Eddington, Simon Callow, Maggie Steed, Jonathan Lynn and more.

Episode menu

Series 1, Episode 3 - The Third Chronicle

As the defenders of Albion complete their quests, one makes a startling discovery.

Further details

Agar and Golin meet the Dread Sphinx (with the head of a snake, the body of a snake and the tail of a snake). It is the protector of the Summontrumpet. When the snake-like Sphinx claims his bite is much worse than an ordinary snake's (because he does not brush his teeth), Agar takes out his complaining mother's head and scares him into bringing Summontrumpet.

Meanwhile, Crown Prince Veganin turns the leader of the Brotherhood of Night into ashes using his reflective armour. However, he learns that he is of the correct age to become the next leader himself, or at least his torso with its star-shaped birthmark.

The White council of wizards, organised by Radox the Green, meet in order to decide what to do next against The Evil One... but it soon becomes more like an office conference. As a result most of the wizards only come for the biscuits.

Luckily, Radox gets a visit from Agar and Golin. Agar asks what to do next, because he cannot blow the trumpet (because he is not of noble birth). Radox does not want to talk, as is evidenced by the fact that he meets another hero in training, although it is clear he is just a servant. Agar helps this hero by carrying out one of his tasks - slaying a dragon.

Back in Albion, King Yulfric the Wise III and Queen Elfreda argue about him visiting the woodcutter's daughter, and the person he wants to rule in the meantime being a cannibal. It becomes clear that every man of fighting age has died.

Agar and Golin finally arrive to slay the last of the Amber Dragons to rescue a maiden. However, it turns out that the maiden wants to stay because she loves the dragon. Things all change when the dragon tells him that his father was in fact King Yulfric. Therefore he is of noble birth and can blow the Summontrumpet.

Broadcast details

Tuesday 9th December 1980
BBC Radio 4
30 minutes


Show past repeats

Date Time Channel
Saturday 10th January 2009 11:30am Radio 7
Tuesday 19th April 2011 5:00pm Radio 4 Extra
Monday 27th February 2012 6:00pm Radio 4 Extra
Tuesday 28th February 2012 12:00am Radio 4 Extra
Wednesday 15th May 2013 6:00pm Radio 4 Extra
Thursday 16th May 2013 12:00am Radio 4 Extra
Wednesday 5th February 2014 6:00pm Radio 4 Extra
Thursday 6th February 2014 12:00am Radio 4 Extra
Wednesday 3rd February 2016 6:00pm Radio 4 Extra
Thursday 4th February 2016 12:00am Radio 4 Extra
Wednesday 15th August 2018 6:00pm Radio 4 Extra
Thursday 16th August 2018 12:00am Radio 4 Extra
Sunday 20th September 2020 6:00pm Radio 4 Extra
Monday 21st September 2020 12:00am Radio 4 Extra

Cast & crew

Frank Middlemass Radox the Green
Paul Eddington King Yulfric the Wise III
Simon Callow Crown Prince Veganin
Maggie Steed Queen Elfreda
Jonathan Lynn Golin Longshanks
Christian Rodska Agar son of Athar
Patrick Magee Narrator
Guest cast
Miriam Margolyes Ensemble Actor
Aubrey Woods Ensemble Actor
Maggie Steed Ensemble Actor
Jonathan Lynn Ensemble Actor
Ballard Berkeley Ensemble Actor
Stephen Pacey Ensemble Actor
Derek Francis Ensemble Actor
Writing team
Andrew Marshall (as A. P. R. Marshall) Writer
John Lloyd (as J. H. W. Lloyd) Writer
Production team
Geoffrey Perkins Producer

Share this page