Forgotten to name your Fringe show this year? No idea what to call it? Stevie Martin from sketch comedy group Massive Dad blows the whistle on the secret formulae that every performer in Edinburgh, from sketch comedy to serious plays, uses. How else did you think we did it? Having an actual think or something?

Sketch comedy

Start with the definitive article. Take an adjective you'd usually employ to describe a Dickensian character (think 'bulbous', 'absurd', 'big', 'little') + possessive family member (auntie's, mum's, sister's) + a measurement of time (weekly, monthly, daily) + noun not in common parlance.

For example: Bulbous Mum's Daily Bugle. See? Foolproof. They'll be on at the Pleasance Below every day at 6pm.*

* This is a lie. That's us. We'll be in the Pleasance Below every day at 6pm.

Stand-up

Start with your full name + "is" + an adjective.

For example: Jim Coconut is sad. Jim Coconut is angry. Jim Coconut is JimCo.

OR

Start with your comedian's full name + colon (the punctuation, not an actual colon) + a phrase Jeremy Clarkson might say during an episode of Top Gear.

For example: Jim Coconut: Revved Up. Jim Coconut: Not Racist. Jim Coconut: What a great car!

Serious dramatic production

Open a dictionary and pick the first word you can see. Count forwards ten words. Use that word.

For example: Melange. Flight. Bubble. Killjoy. Tape. Gurn. Gurning. Guernsey. Globe. Gelatin. Graphs. Sorry, I'm stuck in the G section here, but you get the idea. Ghost.

Important addendum!

Of course no name is complete without the perfect poster image, and luckily there's also an equally strict formula you can follow. Either look surprised at the presence of a camera, jump up in the air at the presence of said camera, or run away from the camera. Other notable poses include putting one's hand on one's head in a manner that nobody would confidently do in everyday life, being in the rain or looking at a camera that's really high up as though the photographer is a giant.

For serious dramatic plays it's important that you opt for a black background and the inclusion of a singular object for heightened drama. Preferably this should imply death (even if there is no death in said show) in a very roundabout way - for example, a broken vase, a broken doll, a fork, a roundabout.

...And you're good to go. Congratulations.

Massive Dad will be performing every day (not 13th) at 6pm at the Pleasance Courtyard until the 25th. Listing