Well fankoo mummy nature I now have my parents here. Woooooopie doo.

They turned up here wanting sanctuary on the off chance they may drown. Nevermind the pot of gold that would come my way if they did. I will never understand the selfishness of them!

I am reverted to being 6 years old & was forced to go shopping with them. My little sister who is 15 & I sat in the back while they argued about anything & everything. Up & up we went in the multi storey carpark while my sis & I waved to all the spaces. Finaly after driving through 17 spaces on the top storey my father announced in a fitty voice that there was nowhere to park.
Whilst I sat in the back sucking my thumb my younger sister found the balls to tell my father that he had just drove through 17 of them. There was then an eerie silence & we all held our breath. Then came the tirade.

"Do you want to drive the car Apryl, do you. I have been driving for over 35 years, yardey yarder yarder".Anyway we have drove past those spaces now & by time I turn around they will be gone. I dont know why I pay tax when you cant find a space".

Finaly my father saw a space that you could park a bus in & spent 15 minutes getting in it. Then the real joy of the day started.

Mum wants to look in an ornament shop. (My 1st pet hate is ornaments. I have thousands of ugly bastards she has brought me over the years).Apryl wants to go gothic clothes shopping & father wants to go to a second hand book shop.
An argument in my town centre insues. I just stand there sucking my thumb & swaying my left leg, until my little sister embarks on a plan of us all seperating & meeting up at this point afterwards. My mother, sister & I all hold our breath, eyes bulging. Then came the tirade.
"I tell you what I wont bother going to the book shop. Lets all do what everyone else wants to do. I am not risking us all getting lost".

Anyhoo fook knows how long they are here for. I know I have a party to go to with them tonight.Then I expect it will be another day out shopping tomorrow. They will expect a roast on sunday done exactly how they would do it.
Fankoo mummy nature you bitch!

what is it about old people and ornaments?
little birds on twigs.
deers.
hedgehogs.
women on horses.
clowns.

Johnny I know. It is vile. My mother gets me anything from boats to clowns. The woman knows i hate boats & am petrified of clowns.

and when they die, suddenly they meaning something.
but you still have to get rid of the things.
sad really.

Charley, your family are hil-f**king-arious. (Or at least the way you tell it is.)

Aaron they are all mental.

My mum can smell gas everytime she visits me & I have lived in lots of houses. Some that didn't even have gas. Its like clockwork. "Hi Mum come in"
"Whats that smell"
"There is no smell"
"Yep its gas. You have a gas leak"
"I have no gas Ma"
"Its coming from the neighbours then. Pete go & tell the neighbours they are gassing our daughter. You told them you are a quarter Jew didnt you"

I tell yer Its hard work.

With tacky ornaments from family, I make sure they sit on the tv staring at you while you are trying to watch Trashy tv. at night when you switch the tv and it gives off that glow, then they scare the pants of you. It winds my flatmates up a treat.

My mother gave them to me as a child, Charley.....as christmas presents from santa......when I was 8.....

Quote: RubyMae - Glamourous Snowdrop at large. @ November 9, 2007, 7:41 PM

at night when you switch the tv and it gives off that glow, then they scare the pants of you.

View original

If your TV glows, you need to be calling DEFRA.

They do glow! If you've had it on ages and you turn it off along with the lights, it give a ghostly glow. Especially on cheap tellies.

How would you know anyway? You don't have a telly, you have your own private theatre company and a court jester!

If only.

Quote: Charley @ November 9, 2007, 3:27 PM

Johnny I know. It is vile. My mother gets me anything from boats to clowns. The woman knows i hate boats & am petrified of clowns.

View original

You're petrified of clowns? Why - come and sit on my knee and tell me all about it little girl.

Quote: Charley @ November 9, 2007, 4:52 PM

Aaron they are all mental.

My mum can smell gas everytime she visits me & I have lived in lots of houses.

View original

Could it be something you ate?

Quote: David Chapman @ November 9, 2007, 8:28 PM

You're petrified of clowns? Why - come and sit on my knee and tell me all about it little girl.

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Is that your magic wand?

I hope she doesn't do anything embarrasing at the party in front of her parents.

Quote: Charley @ November 9, 2007, 4:52 PM

Aaron they are all mental.

My mum can smell gas everytime she visits me & I have lived in lots of houses. Some that didn't even have gas. Its like clockwork. "Hi Mum come in"
"Whats that smell"
"There is no smell"
"Yep its gas. You have a gas leak"
"I have no gas Ma"
"Its coming from the neighbours then. Pete go & tell the neighbours they are gassing our daughter. You told them you are a quarter Jew didnt you"

I tell yer Its hard work.

View original

Your mum and my mothership must never meet. It would make the world cave in just through the nagging alone.