Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 24th November 2015, 8:10 AM GMTMy dad wanks into old socks. I wouldn't mind if he let me take them off first.
but 
Tell us a joke Page 134
The camel looked annoyed.
What's funny about that?
There's joke about infectious diseaeses going round.
But I haven't managed to catch it yet.
Oh yes, I have.
Premonition joke:
Who's there?
I haven't knocked yet.
Two blondes in short skirts are trying unsuccessfully to change the flat tyre on their car.
Broken nails, oily hands, muddy dresses, they are close to tears.
...Are you enjoying this you sexist pig?
I bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car.
Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?"
I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend."
He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"
I said, "No, she's an optician."
Quote: Biscuit777 @ 5th December 2015, 1:28 PM GMT"She's an optician."
Did you write that?
My mate set me up on a blind date.
He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know... She's expecting a baby."
I felt like a right idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy.
Quote: Biscuit777 @ 6th December 2015, 11:57 PM GMTMy mate set me up on a blind date.
He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know... She's expecting a baby."
I felt like a right idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy.
nice one, and welcome to the site.
Quote: Will Cam @ 7th December 2015, 3:03 PM GMT
Thanks, and thanks 
Quote: Biscuit777 @ 5th December 2015, 1:28 PM GMTI bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car.
Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?"
I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend."
He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"
I said, "No, she's an optician."
that and the baby jokes are both top notch
nb
Hangmen make excellent boxers nobody wants to swing for them.
I don't understand the fuss about closing the forth bridge, can't they just use the other 3?
Quote: NateSean @ 6th December 2015, 7:23 PM GMTDid you write that?
Quote: Biscuit777 @ 6th December 2015, 11:30 PM GMTYeah
3 years ago, no less. But it is good.
Quote: sootyj @ 7th December 2015, 4:04 PM GMTyoure pointing out that the author of the joke on Sickipedia is Biscuit777?
Essentially yes, but it took me longer to put the bits of the message together than your response.
Biscuit: If you do not have an alternative ID of "callumvine" and "UndespicableMe" people are stealing your joke(s)
https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3s4yie/i_bumped_into_an_old_school_friend_today/
http://www.nairaland.com/2739503/met-old-school-classmate
http://www.geekstoy.com/forum/showthread.php?906-Joke-of-the-day/page65
Yeah, these are jokes I've written over the past few years. Just thought I'd put a few of my better ones on to see what people thought of them. Should I only be posting brand new jokes?
Quote: billwill @ 7th December 2015, 4:13 PM GMTBiscuit: If you do not have an alternative ID of "callumvine" and "UndespicableMe" people are stealing your joke(s)
https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3s4yie/i_bumped_into_an_old_school_friend_today/
http://www.nairaland.com/2739503/met-old-school-classmate
http://www.geekstoy.com/forum/showthread.php?906-Joke-of-the-day/page65
They're not me. I've had loads of jokes posted and tweeted by other people. Not sure there's much I can do about that.
I think your old jokes are fine on here. I think Sootyj set up this topic for 'own' jokes; but he never said anything about old ones.
To quote a great poet then I
"They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.
They mingle not with their laughing comrades again;"
but yeh there's another thread for great jokes you heard elsewhere, this thread was mostly for the joyous art of joke writing.
I was looking for a pneumatic girl, but had to settle for one who liked being piston.
What's the difference between Skin and Moses? Moses went round with Aaron.