Right so this is definately funny in my head but when I look at it on the page I'm not sure. I'd like to know what you think.

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SCENE 1. INT. A LIVING ROOM

A MAN IS STANDING AT A TABLE, TALKING ON THE PHONE IN A CALM MANNER WITH A BOOK IN HIS HAND

MAN:

…Well no that’s what I’m saying. I’m aware it’s overdue but I’m not bringing it back. (PAUSE) No… Yep… Well no not at all. (PAUSE) Because the deposit I put down on it was only two pounds (PAUSE) Yeah well it’s just that the retail price on the back says that it’s worth six ninety nine… Yeah so I can make a profit if I sell it on is all I’m saying. (PAUSE) Yep Ok, Ok well you will learn next time I suppose.

THE MAN LAUGHS SLIGHTLY AS IF HE IS TALKING TO A FRIEND

Ha yeah, yeah tell me about it (PAUSE) Ok, Ok you too, take care now bye bye.

THE END

Hmmmm? I think I belong to the not so sure camp here.

I like that one Tom. It's good.

I didn't find it funny. But, then, I didn't really get it.
Is he talking to The Library? Do college libraries require a deposit?

I laughed... I can see that working really well.

EDIT - Looking at it again, JohnnyD is right. I can't remember where a deposit is required that doesn't cover the cost should the item be lost etc. The idea is still funny... just needs to be feasible.

So much depends on delivery... the right actor/actress.

I'm currently co-writing some scripts for TV ad (ident)... and some of the lines are dead funny on paper... but at the casting yesterday, they didn't come across as well as we'd hoped.

And then some of the not so funny bits were brilliant.

Very dificult to get right 100% of the time.

So does this man not understand what a library is and thinks he's got a great deal?

It proberly needs to be performed or come at through a different angle.

Like a man sits surrounded by books and his friend comes in and says, "What's with all the books?" and the man replies, "I went to this place called 'The Library' and their just giving them away."

It could work with many things, Public Toilet Bog Roll, Complementary Mints in a restaurant, ok I can't think of anymore, but I'm sure there is.

But if all that isn't what you meant, then I don't geddit?!

It took me a couple of read throughs to get it. Yes I know I'm a bit slow but maybe it needed something more to confirm it.

I must be dim.

I have read it and don't get it at all. Is the man on the phone the person who has borrowed the book? Or is he the librarian? If he is the librarian I can't see how from the text. If he's the borrower then perhaps in the context of an ongoing scene or situation then I see that it is quite wry.

I hate it when others can see a joke and I can't so can somebody please put me out of my misery and expalin this...

Wa1t 'til I get me ear trumpet jammed in and nurse has brough my Horlicks though.

Maybe there is no joke and Tom is trying to see how many people nonetheless get it. You know, like the Emperors' new clothes.

I don't get it.

Lol.

Right, that was one of the problems I had. I'll tell you where it came from, I was at the careers dept of the Uni and I took a book out and had to put a £2 deposit on it. I thought the book is probably worth more than two pounds and wondered what their reaction would be if I kept it and told them I was selling it on because it was more beneficial to me.

I suppose the joke is someone blatantly not upholding a certain discourse and taking it as if it's normal and in fact the library should learn from their mistake.

But you are right, I started to think that it probably isn't the most feesible thing to put a desposit on, and without all of the above explanation, hard to understand. That's what I thought might be the problem but just needed confirmation.

Do you think it would be worth re-doing the sketch as a dispute at the library between a person and a librarian over why he should bring it back at all? Or is the basic joke just not very funny?

I like your idea Leevil

Quote: JohnnyD @ May 6, 2007, 10:59 AM

Maybe there is no joke and Tom is trying to see how many people nonetheless get it. You know, like the Emperors' new clothes.

View original

Now THAT would be funny...

Hi Tom

I'm glad that I had not misread this so I guess that I don't really think that there's much of a joke here.

You could possibly extend it into an argument where the borrower decides to teach the library a salutary lesson in basic trust.

I.e. £2 deposit on a £69 pound book is hardly safeguarding their asset.

A bit like Monty Python where they are trying to sell John Cleese a flag for Flag Day. Cleese is playing a merchant banker and doesn't understand the concept of charity and is obsessed by trying to find out "what's in it for him" if he donates to the charity.

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EDIT:

This kind of thing

MAN (ON PHONE):
This book that I put a two quid deposit on. Says on the back it retails for £69 so I'm not bringing it back.

LIBRARIAN (D):
Well that's hardly the attitude is it?

MAN:
What do you mean by that?

LIBRARIAN:
Well you're essentially stealing the book.

MAN:
Stealing? That's a bit harsh isn't it? I gave you 2 quid and you let me leave with the book last week. I didn't hide it in my coat or a bag, did I?

LIBRARIAN:
Well technically stealing's a bit overstating the case. But implicit in the exchange was the idea that you'd return the book.

MAN:
Oh yeah! Says you pal. I agreed to nothing of the sort. You charged me 2 quid to cover the cost of me not returning the book...so that's what I'm doing. I'm not returning it. See?

Listen I'm doing a MA in Business Studies. Don't you watch The Apprentice? It's dog eat dog out there. Look on this as a lesson learnt. I'm just letting you namby-pamby, University-sheltered types see what life in the real world's all about. If you get an advantage in life then use it. I'm £67 up on the deal here!

Etc.etc etc.

Yey! I am gonna do that with DVD's. I worked out how much blockbuster have made out of me in the 9 years I lived here.
The Fookers.

Yeah that's the sort of thing I was going for Blenkinsop but you've done it better than me. I'll make it more blatant. Total re-write coming up