Sorry Tom but I'm with 'straight over my head' brigade. Far too subtle or clever for me.
Sketch - Deposit Page 2
Quote: Tom Pk @ May 6, 2007, 12:40 PMYeah that's the sort of thing I was going for Blenkinsop but you've done it better than me. I'll make it more blatant. Total re-write coming up
Yeah... Blenkinsop's works really well... but I do like the slightly surreal nature of yours too. I can see (subject matter of books aside) someone like Dylan Moran would perform this very well, for example.
Perhaps a combination of the two approaches?
Yeah maybe, I'll have a look into it
AS it stands it raises only a puzzled frown BUT might be worth building it up for a big reveal. Don't bin it, Tom.
Cheers Fred
Actually Baumski...Think I'm just gonna hand that one to you. I re-read your take on it and like it a lot so take it if you want.
Quote: Tom Pk @ May 7, 2007, 11:10 AMCheers Fred
Actually Baumski...Think I'm just gonna hand that one to you. I re-read your take on it and like it a lot so take it if you want.
Hi Tom, not sure whether you're just being cute or not but although I'll pass on your offer, these are my reasons why.
"…Well no that’s what I’m saying. I’m aware it’s overdue but I’m not bringing it back."
Does this mean he's talking to somebody at the library?
"(PAUSE) No… Yep… Well no not at all. (PAUSE) Because the deposit I put down on it was only two pounds"
But if its from the library why has he put a £2 deposit down?
"(PAUSE) Yeah well it’s just that the retail price on the back says that it’s worth six ninety nine… Yeah so I can make a profit if I sell it on is all I’m saying. (PAUSE) Yep Ok, Ok well you will learn next time I suppose."
The pay-off would become more lucid if more detail was paid to the construction. As it stands it's just too confusing.
I don't know, but I suppose if you're really stuck then maybe someone like Fred might be able to do something with it but that just doen't make any sense. You're a good writer Tom, and rewriting this sketch is something that you're more than capable of doing yourself.
Hey! Am I the invisible man round here?
I don't know! You do your best, you muck in, you have a go and what do you get? Eh? Eh? Taken for some other bloke that's what!
Harrumph!
It's as if I don't even ex......!
Blenkinsop (The Stephen Merchant to Baumski's Ricky Gervais)
Quote: Blenkinsop @ May 7, 2007, 12:15 PMBlenkinsop (The Stephen Merchant to Baumski's Ricky Gervais)
Lol oops sos I did actually mean you Blenkinsop (Sorry Baumski) I liked your re-write so I don't wanna re-attempt it......Look right you both have names beginning with 'B' so it's confusing sort it out!! 