... or damn me to hell and back in a shopping trolley!

I have an audition tomorrow afternoon for that ITV sitcom we know so well: 'The X Factor'

No, seriously... I really do.

La la laaa laa laa la la... meee mee meee me me mee

Wear a I love the BSG Tshirt we'll all sign it for you your bound to win then mate

Wear a I love the BSG Tshirt we'll all sign it for you your bound to win then mate

there's a forum t-shirt? Wow.

If I hadn't already picked out my audition garb, that would have been great...

Good luck! What are you going to sing?

I've narrowed it down to four tracks. You only get to sing a verse and chorus so they have to be choices that really show what you can do...

1) Mona Lisa - The late, great Nat King Cole
2) Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright's version (a la Shrek)
3) Just The Way You Are - Billy Joel
4) Never Let Her Slip Away - Andrew Gold

Good luck!

Personally I hate that Billy Joel song. If anyone told me "I don't want clever conversation, I love you just the way you are..." they'd be risking a smack in the mouth.

Nah, not that one. Won't your choice of song say something about your personality as well as showing how well you can sing?

Good luck mate - may I suggest that good ol' fashioned classic 'Bring your daughter to the slaughter' by Iron Maiden. A timeless piece I'm sure you'll agree.

I have one question.

Why? heh

Well well well! Can you pull Mr Cowell's troosers down when you spy him. I have a fascination with him. The higher up those troosers go the more i want him. It's like teasing the hell out of me. You know what I mean guys its like a busty woman in a roll necktop. Un fooking Fair. Should be a law against it.

Anyhoo good luck hun.xx

thanks guys... for the various 'good lucks' and... nefarious suggestions.

Perhaps we should have all entered, in the groups section.

You don't, unfortunately, get to sing in front of Simon et al, in the first round. You do your bit in front of the producers of the show instead. And if you get through that, you have to come back and sing in front of them once more a month later. At that time, if you are 'approved', then and only then do you get to try out in front of the proper TV judges.

Well thats so not fair! So when these unwells get through that round and get to perform infront of Si they are purely there for a piss take. I thought they saw everyone and just slid a few unwells in for entertainment. I never realised they were used like that. Can you imagine how cruel that is. For a whole month these unwell peeps are thinking they are going to be famous. Poor little unwell fookers.

That is cruel.

I know, I know...

It is unfair. I'm just hoping not to end up in the 'mad camp' myself...

I'm under no illusions here... it's a TV show, last and lastmost...

I have no idea what they're looking for though. A vocal coach I visited recently said she'd had five students audition, and not make it past the first round. Apparently, they were all great singers too...

So who knows?

Pretend to be the best unwell they ever had, then when you get through to the next round, wow them with your real voice.

Mr Leevil you cant walk round with that tongue hanging out like that. You simply cant. I have gone all knock knee and I am not walking around like that all day. No Sir ee.

I just want a lick of your Ice Cream, I bet it's not cherry flavour though is it?