Quote: swerytd @ February 3 2010, 12:34 PM GMTThey'll more likely rewrite sketches and the vox-pops have to kind of stand-out, especially if they get hundreds of the same sort of thing.
Dan
Although it should be fairly simple I find vox pops more difficult than any other one-liner. And then you see what they choose and for the most part I'm with the 'picked them out of a hat' consensus
This week's rejected corrections.
1. Now this isn't a correction in the usual sense but an update on what we last reported.
A few weeks ago we learned that Tony Blair would finally be put in the hot seat to face a grilling in the Iraqi inquiry. However it turned out that the local tanning parlor beat them to it. This meant that everything else paled into insignificance and the former prime minister slipped out through the back door. Again.
2. Rappers Kanye West and 50 Cent are the latest stars to sing the praises of Susan Boyle. They are quoted as saying she is a very raunchy and sexy lady and she is a fine example of womanhood. [PAUSE AND HEAVY SIGH] This news item was brought to you in the full knowledge that it will feature in next weeks corrections.
Rejected vox pops.
DOZY YOOT: Apple launched the iPad? Is it a new weapon or sumfink?
POSH LADY: Ban the Burka? Whatever for? Surely everyone has the right to freedom of expression. Even Nick Griffin
SWAGGERING YOOT: Yeah I have heard of Chilcot. It's that new MTV show innit? Its better than Cribs.
OLD COCKNEY GEEZER: So Maggie ate loads of eggs eh? Weeeeell Denis always did looked hen pecked.
MAN 1: Aye aye, I eard Jobs got a new ithing
MAN 2: iPad
MAN 1: Eh?
MAN 2: No i
MAN 1: Who?
MAN 2: I
MAN 1: You?
MAN 2: No ipad
MAN 1: Right.
MAN 2: No touch type.
Quote: funnyfnarr @ February 3 2010, 10:52 PM GMTSWAGGERING YOOT: Yeah I have heard of Chilcot. It's that new MTV show innit? Its better than Cribs.
Very good. Good idea. I like this one.
Quote: Kevin Murphy @ February 3 2010, 11:37 PM GMTVery good. Good idea. I like this one.
Thanks
This weeks rejected Newsbullet lines:
Newsbullet – You want the News? You can't handle the News! Newsbullet…
Newsbullet – So you think you can News?
Newsbullet – Gotta News!
Newsbullet – Less Huey Lewis, more Leona Lewis… and the News
J
Haven't heard anything today, and since I usually get an email from Sam in the morning I'll assume these are rejects - enjoy!
Voxpops:
POSH MAN
o, Lord Mandleson plans to cut three hundred and fifteen million pounds from university budgets? And I thought it was John Major who wanted a 'Classless Society'.
YOUNG MANo you're saying all new fathers are going to get six months? Even if they're innocent?
WOMANky is now broadcasting the football in 3 dimensions. I see the players still only have one though.
Newsbullet:
ANNOUNCER: Newsbullet – Turn it up! Bring the News!
GIRL NEWSREADER: Charges will not be brought against the University of East Anglia who breached the Freedom of Information Act by ignoring climate sceptics' emails.
BOY NEWSREADER:Hacked emails published on the Internet confirm it – East Anglia really does have a university. We got some of your comments:
F/XTREET AMBIENCE
MALE TEEN: East Anglians? That's those hairy, ginger cows right?
FEMALE TEEN: Anglians are fellas wot go fishin' innit?
Ipad sketch:
ORATOR:Mesopotamia, four thousand BC!
F/X:GENERAL MURMER OF A CROWD
STEVE JOBS'S SUMERIAN EQUIVALENT ADDRESSES THE CROWD.
JOBS:Fellow countrymen, have you ever wished you weren't tied to the cave wall, scrawling crude animal shapes in pig's blood with a stick? Ladies and gentlemen I'd like to introduce the future of communication technology – the iTablet!
F/X:APPLAUSE
JOBS:This tablet is capable of holding up to at least twenty hieroglyphs – and that's just on one side.
F/X:GASPS
JOBS:It's lightweight too – a single tablet can easily be carried by a slave. And should you need more storage, we also sell donkeys.
F/X:APPLAUSE, CHEERING
Always going to be hard to get a 'Steve Jobs presentation one' on I imagine after this well known (and brilliant) one:
That's pretty unbeatable isn't it?
My mostly Terry-related nonsense:
Ashley Cole has been fined £1,000 for driving home at 104 mph. In his defence, John Terry had asked to borrow a bowl of sugar.
Tony Blair has been criticised for arriving almost an hour early at the Iraq enquiry. Blair has played down the 45 minute claim.
John Terry is to appear in a special episode of 'Stars in their Eyes'. He's performing Under the Bridge.
One of Britain's most dangerous gangsters used Facebook to threaten his enemies. One associate fears for his farm after being repeatedly struck by a pillow.
Football is now being shown in 3D. It's the best way to see John Terry's tackle without dating his team-mate.
Assisted suicide should be legalised for the elderly. I'd happily give Noel Edmonds a hand.
John Terry has refused to discuss the England captaincy. He'll cross that bridge when he comes to it.
Apple have introduced a new gadget that plays Susan Boyle videos. It's called the I-Sore.
Newsbullet: moving faster than John Terry when he spots a team-mate's girlfriend unattended.
Andy Murray has lost in another grand slam final. He's now had more seconds than Kerry Katona.
There's been another spate of burglaries at footballers' homes. Wayne Bridge's girlfriend has been repeatedly turned over.
There were unexpected consequences for two pensioners who were caught romping in a Tesco bakery aisle. They both have a yeast infection.
Wayne Rooney could lose £4m after being sued. John Terry could lose £12m after being Sally'd, Paula'd and Denise'd.
Using social networking sites to threaten others could lead to an electronic anti-social behaviour order, known as an EBO. It's on a level par with an ASBO, but it's not as embarrassing as a SuBo.
Tony Blair has said that there was no secret deal with Bush. John Terry has made no such assertion.
Al Qaeda have slammed Britain and America for causing climate change. Osama Bin Laden has called for shorter plane journeys.
I can't believe that John Terry got his team-mates' girlfriend pregnant. When you're playing away you've got to keep it tight at the back.
Correction:
We incorrectly reported that rappers Kanye West and 50 Cent had described Susan Boyle as 'cool'. They actually said she was 'phat'.
Announcer: Facts, times wicked, minus lame, equals NewsBullet
Announcer: Newsbullet, telling you "wa'gwan" as soon as it "gwan"
Quote: Gerry McDonnell @ February 4 2010, 6:02 PM GMTWayne Rooney could lose £4m after being sued. John Terry could lose £12m after being Sally'd, Paula'd and Denise'd.
Excellent! 
Dan
So Snoop Doggy Dogg wants to appear on Coronation Street? A drug dealing, gangster who loves sport wear? Finally a realistic Mancunian character.
We would like to apologise for our reporting that Malawi is to introduce a fine of 4 buffaloes and a pig for adultery. After the arrest of John Terry who thought it was "fine in Malawi to have adultery with 4 buffaloes and a pig."
We would like to apologise for confusing our warnings over the Nora virus that cause terrible nausea and headaches. We were infact referring to the Nora Jones album.
I'm not surprised Germany's suffering from a cold front. As long as Angela Merkel's going to wander round with her boobies hanging out.
Drastic government spending cuts at university have lead to PHDs being reduced by 30% to PHs
(American redneck)
That darned Barrack Obama. First he tries to kill us all with health insurance, then he says our farts are killing the planet. Now he wants to cancel NASA's moonbase.
The son of a gun is gonna make Elvis homeless.
10% of all English people fall for cons. If you feel you may have been conned please call the BBC with your sort code and account number, the number is 088898...
I suck
vox pops:
I don't think that England supporter should be extradited to Portugal. When the heat is on, you can't just extract a fan.
That Christian group in Haiti, you can't go snatching every child who can't prove who their father is, I mean...Jesus Christ.
This week's waste paper basket fillers:
I believe in alternative medicine, and frankly I was appalled at the mass protest against Boots for stocking homeopathic remedies. One person protesting just a little bit would have been just as effective.
Is that right? Maggie Thatcher ate twenty-eight eggs a week? So the smell of brimstone that followed her around wasn't because she had sold her soul to the devil?
(FEMALE) I'm going on a crash diet before I go on holiday. I'm flying and I need to lose at least twenty pounds before I let anyone photograph me naked.
And a correction:
(FEMALE) We previously reported on a study from Kings College London which purported to show that the G-spot is myth. However following further research by French scientists, it turns out that it is just the English who are unable to find it. As if we didn't know.
Like the Maggie Thatcher one a lot. Maybe it's a bit of a mouthful to say out loud though; easy to stumble over?
Dan