Quote: Leevil @ September 19 2011, 2:58 PM BST

sooty, how are you not King of Comedy yet? Who do we need to write to?

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I am the king of comedy

Unfortunately it transpires that comedy is a democratic republic.

sent my stuff off at 6am and just been sent an auto reply.

Perhaps the robot was having a duvet day and it's taken this long to get the temp in. But my acknowledgement arrived about 6 as well.

Well. I've sent my efforts off. Just the waiting now.

Just one sketch for me this week that I sent from work at about 11.50am. The work spambot has benn holding up emails in and out today so I will never know if it got there in time. I only have one quickie so far!

Quote: Will Cam @ September 19 2011, 8:34 PM BST

I only have one quiche so far!

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I thought you were northern!

I'm telling Brian Clough on you.

Quote: KLRiley @ September 19 2011, 7:33 PM BST

Perhaps the robot was having a duvet day and it's taken this long to get the temp in. But my acknowledgement arrived about 6 as well.

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Perhaps their computer was holding a protest after the way it was portrayed in last week's episode.

Two sketches from me - I'll tell you what they are about tomorrow. Killer gags, but not very good as sketches - maybe their carcasses can be picked clean for one liners.

Nothing about Star Wars/ Tatooine. Seems a good idea I didn't send in my Dragon's Den spoof...

Quote: StephenM @ September 19 2011, 12:18 PM BST

You should bear in mid the fact I've only got 2 sketches on in 4 series and another 'in the mix' when taking my advice. But generally...
- Over 3 pages no. They even say that on the website
- Onto the third page is pushing it. I wrote two sketches they liked that went onto a third page and both times they asked me to re-write it and shorten it.
- I'd say for a nice sketch that builds on the original idea and devevlops it you'd be looking at 1.5 to 2 pages (minutes). Any longer than that it starts to drag
- For a short get in-get out sketch you're looking 0.5-1 page (minutes). That's more than enough set up for one big joke at the end.

There's clearly much more experienced people than me on here so take their advice on board ahead of mine but I used struggle with length and intros. My tips (if you want them) are:
- Intro. You don't need to explain the full story in the intro, just set things up. People listening will know about the big stories. If it's obscure how can you get it down to a line or two (e.g. two computers chatting last week)
- Joke in intro. They nearly always put a joke in the intro to break it up. Force yourself to do this. You don't want to go 20 seconds without something to laugh at
- Dialgoue. Short and punchy. Try speaking it out loud. Is it easy to say? What words could you get rid off? If you see a script from the show (must be one on here from Series 4 somewhere) you might be surprised how short the spoken lines are.
- Keep to one idea. I often get tempted to build in 2 or 3 ideas in a sketch. That's tricky to do in the time. Develop one idea well.
- Bemoan the fact that Morecambe & Wise used to get 12 minutes. Become the next Morecambe & Wise then you can write 12 minutes sketches.

As I say definitely don't treat this as a masterclass, just someone like you who struggled with this and that's what I noted / tried / worked on.

Look at the last post! No wonder I struggle with length.

And end on a knob gag.

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Thanks so much for taking the time out to post all that advice, there's some really helpful stuff in there that I'll definitely take on board for next week's sketches.
Unfortunately, after reading your advice, I don't think Newsjack will be including my epic five-pager in this week's show now. (and that was AFTER I did a bit of whittling! Maybe they'll add it on to the special extended edition blue-ray.)

Quote: Mr Writer

Another good tip - each week, try writing double what's required - and throw half of it away. So for Newsjack, write six sketches and bin the three that you think are least funny. This worked for me back in t'day, anyway.

Nice tip, except I barely manage to scrape together two half-decent sketch ideas per week, let alone six!
At least I know what I should be aiming for now, so thanks!

Quote: Mr Writer

Oh, but please don't end on a knob gag

Is smut in general a big no-no on Newsjack? Will they definitely reject anything that's even remotely "rude"?

I would say all smut is a no-no - I can't remember Newsjack ever swearing or broaching a touchy subject throughout all 5 series.

I got a fanny gag on the last series, and also got the words 'tits' and 'arse' broadcast on the one before. If it has a context, and if it works it might make it in. If it is smut for smut's sake it probably wont.

What Trabs said. Also remember a Viagra coming or going gag and a Carry on sketch so there is some room in the right context.

Having said that this is the new tagline for NewsJack on Listen again:
"Justin Edwards and the team tastefully make fun of the news from the last seven days."

I always get an auto-reply that says 'You are aware of the terms of the prohibition order ?'

Seven one liners I managed.

May one and all hit four strawberries on the Newsjackpot machine. Good luck citizens.

Two one liners. Pathetic. [stares at BBC website again. Fails to find anything funny in "Huhne vows action on energy bills"].