Just scored some drugs.
Skunk 8/10
Crack 7/10
Crystal Meth 9/10

Scooby Doo got gang banged by five baby goats. Pesky meddlin' kids.

Faux Pas - Stepdad

***

Went for an X-ray yesterday, but the doctor knew I was a hypochondriac.

He saw right through me.

What do you call a cross between a footballer's wife and breakfast? Victoria Bacon.

Post Office workers are risky. They really push the envelope.

I followed my ex-girlfriend on twitter, facebook and instagram with no problems at all, yet I follow her on my bike for a couple of days and the judge goes crazy.

The Heinz Company have been stuck on 57 varieties for years now - has beens

What's the difference between strange offspring and One Direction? Strange offspring are cookie runts.

Walking home last night at midnight, a policeman stopped me.
He said "I must ask you to accompany me to the police station"
I said "Why?"
He said "I'm scared of the dark"

If you put your toe in a vagina, are you pussy footing?

When I was young:

Iphone - I'll give you a call

Tablet - Something we swallowed with a glass of water

Laptop - Where my girlfriend sat. (We'd talk about the first thing that popped up)

Ram - Male sheep, or sexually active man

Hard drive - Getting to Cornwall in the Morris Minor

Twitter - What garden birds did.

Google - Ten to the power 100, or a bowling technique in cricket

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ 9th March 2016, 3:25 PM GMT

My mother-in-law wore some inflatable Dutch footwear but trod on some broken glass..

She popped her clogs.

View original

That joke's unforgivable - and brilliant!

Same with the drug scoring one above, good stuff.

This site is weird.
You deliver your jokes to complete silence.
Bit like my gigs.

The milking cow on our farm was very quick on her feet. If you looked away just for a second she'd go past your eyes