The Adventures of Simon and Declan

SIMON and DECLAN are sitting at a desk looking at a computer screen. Declans hand hovers over the mouse hesitantly.

SIMON

Go on!

DECLAN

I can't, I can't bring myself to do it.

SIMON

Just open it, how bad can it be?

Declan stares at Simon grimly

SIMON

Fair point.

DECLAN

We'll just have to bin it and move on.

SIMON

(shocked)

Declan! We have a duty to read every script and judge it fairly.

DECLAN

True, but......

SIMON

No buts, it wouldn't be fair.

DECLAN

(pointing at screen)

Zimmer Zombies! Come on!

SIMON

Just open it.

Declan shakes his head and clicks on the mouse, he begins scrolling down the page. Simon begins writing notes without looking at the screen.

SIMON

Well?

DECLAN

Its...

SIMON

Cliched?

DECLAN

No, it's...

SIMON

Unstagable?

DECLAN

No, there's....

SIMON

terrible dialogue, unlovable characters.

DECLAN

It's.....good

Simon drops his pen and stares at Declan.

SIMON

What?

DECLAN

It's...really good, it's funny, it flows well, the characters are engaging, it's a surreal without being inaccessible.

SIMON

(excited)

Really?

DECLAN

No. It's garbage. (clicks mouse) Goodbye!

SIMON

(sulking)

You had me going there. What's next?

Declan moves the mouse around and clicks on an email.

DECLAN

Nick and Daves Nights In.

End

Good to see you back Sean.

Write it, Sean, write it!

Quote: Declan @ October 17 2011, 9:17 PM BST

Write it, Sean, write it!

View original

Dec, do what you do - it's cool, seriously. Don't call down the fire. Been enough of that on here lately, just concentrate on the good stuff you do.

Marc: I think you're misinterpreting what seems to be a good-natured spoof from Sean.

Ah, fair enough, sorry. I thought writers were being ridiculed a bit again.

Calm down -- You're a loose cannon, Delaney!

Dan

Quote: swerytd @ October 18 2011, 10:05 AM BST

Calm down -- You're a loose cannon, Delaney!

Dan

View original

He may not go by the rule book, but I know who I'd want by my side in a fire-fight, Sir.

I'll be in my trailer if anybody needs me.

Quote: evan rubivellian @ October 18 2011, 10:09 AM BST

He may not go by the rule book, but I know who I'd want by my side in a fire-fight, Sir.

View original

Aw... you're all still here! Hello. You won't remember me, I'm sure. I had an argument with Declan about a long list once so he's sure to remember me because I came so close to being cleverer than him about writing and stuff.

It's a lonely old business trying to be a writer. So it's nice to see you all.

I have a theory that I'd like to share. Every writer has a brilliant script in him or her but in order to get to that brilliant script they have to write a fixed number of rubbish ones first. Each writer has their own unique number of rubbish scripts - it might be 5, it might be 105 (annoyingly, we're not allowed to know how many) - but the important point is every time you write a rubbish script you are one closer to that brilliant script.

So celebrate your rubbish scripts - they will lead you to greatness*

Sarah x

* or death, which ever comes sooner.

It's definitely more than 105...

Quote: sarahbean @ October 18 2011, 8:08 PM BST

I have a theory that I'd like to share. Every writer has a brilliant script in him or her but in order to get to that brilliant script they have to write a fixed number of rubbish ones first.

View original

Not really Sarah. Not everybody has a brilliant script in them and not everybody has to write rubbish scripts first. Just do what you can do and see what happens.

Quote: sarahbean @ October 18 2011, 10:25 PM BST

Maybe there are writers out there who produce a masterpiece with their first attempt at writing, but I think they are freaks of nature and they probably have few or even no friends.

View original

Well that's nice. But yes find reasons to write. People don't have to be brilliant you know. Or Rubbish. Having friends is good.

Quick question for Declan and Simon: Last year, along with my script I submitted a few pages giving some background details about the 'world' the sitcom was set in and some pretty brief character profiles. It wasn't necessary but I sent it anyway.

Is it permitted to send similar 'further info' documents for this years Mission or is it now an offence punishable by lashes?

With a whip of some sort. Not eyelashes.