Peep Show final series - episode 1 review

"The duo's desperate world is so ludicrously depressing it's impossible not to laugh"

A shapeless shambles - and now I've decided to emigrate

Does the condescending BBC really believe that we're so stupid we'll tune into any old crap as long as it's patriotic?

Sue Perkins' Heading Out is a right-on write-off

The path­etic series asks us to accept that a sophisticated 40-year-old vet is too terrified to tell her parents she's a lesbian.

Derek, a special 30 minutes of absorbing telly

Episode one of this poignant series about a mentally challenged nice guy at a care home ­facing closure was a ­seriously touching story of our times.

Series two of The ­Sarah Millican Television Programme... and ­another amusing anecdote that had the studio ­audience in fits of canned ­laughter.

The squeaky-voiced comedienne revealed that after strongly disagreeing with The X-Factor's hopeless judges, she tweeted: "Does that mean I'm old, sensible or tone-deaf?" And one person ­responded: "You're a fat, unfunny dyke." Which was a disgrace. Because there's no way she's a (nicer word) lesbian.

Question: Where does stand-up Sarah come from? I just can't place her accent. But hey there, Geordie girl... congratulations on your passable BBC2 show. See you next Tuesday.

To be fair... Ms Millican is not afraid to use her superior comic timing to turn her ­celebrity guests into laughing stocks. As Sporty Spice learned to her cost... But everyone knows that this clapped out let's-talk-telly format is as old as the hills.

The Royle Family Christmas Special was about as special as cold sprouts. And it wasn't funny. Jurassic Jim's Mutley laughing at erectile dysfunction? Outdated humour at its crass worst. This once peerless comedy should be put out of our misery now.

Ali G aside, the BCAs were no laughing matter

It was nearly two tedious hours before Sacha Baron Cohen collected his Outstanding Achievement trophy and lifted the sombre mood.

Brilliant impressions by ace mimics Morgana Robinson and Terry Mynott on Channel 4's passable new comedy offering Very Important People.

But the dazzling duo's alleged all-out attack on celebrity culture was about as hard hitting as Daybreak.

Therefore, it wasn't very funny.

How mortified must Gordon Ramsay be that Terry has noticed he swears a lot? Wow!

And Danny Dyer will be reeling after Morgana depicted him as a bit of a Cockney. Who knew?

Why spoil Mr Mynott's seamless Bear Grylls with far-fetched tosh about him doing a George Michael in the Gents? Hee hee.

What VIP needs to do is hit 'em where it hurts. Below the hypocrisy belt.

Eg... Gord Almighty pretending he was a crack-spear fisherman when he couldn't catch a cold.

Or born contriver Grylls tucked up in a warm hotel when he was supposed to be braving the harsh conditions of the wilderness.

In fairness... don't suppose Frankie Boyle enjoyed being portrayed as a nasty little troll. And Jonathan Woss's ongoing midlife "kwisis" showed potential.

Go for jugular. Simply copying self-satisfied stars is pointless...

They've run out of ­panel shows to put her on... time to proceed to the next level. So hey there ­Geordie girl... it's The Sarah Millican Television Programme.

BBC2 could do a lot worse. Sarah's funny. In a good way...

It takes her precisely 1min 51 seconds to get to her favourite subject... "my boyfriend". Followed by a great guest... her dad. And then a sex expert called Tracey Cox.

Make your own jokes...

Tedious 10 O'Clock Live fails to dazzle with rapier wit

I know they can do better than this. So why don't they?