Hal Cruttenden interview

Hal Cruttenden

Hal Cruttenden is one of BCG's favourite stand-up comedians and a very nice man too, so it is great to see his profile currently on the rise. We chat to him about that, his tour, and more below...

Hi Hal. It's just occurred to us your name is not exactly standard...

I'm not even sure how to pronounce my own surname. It's officially Cruttenden, but in my family we always swallow the 't', and I'm really self-conscious about it. It's a ridiculous name I should have changed it for showbiz.

Oh no, we think it suits you. It sounds quite, er, middle class, perhaps posh, which matches your stage persona?

I suppose so. It depends what it comes across as to you. Some people think it sounds very British, but some people say to me 'what is that, Russian?'

You know what, my relatives in Grimsby who are the Cruttenden side of the family will be delighted to be called posh.

I think having an unusual first name is sort of seen as middle class. I hated being called Hal as a kid, but it's quite nice being distinctive now.

I am called Hal for ridiculously middle class arty reasons. My parents got it from Shakespeare - King Henry V is known as Prince Hal - so I'm terribly embarrassed about it, but I suppose it does support the persona very well.

You're appearing on TV more often now. Has TV always been a career goal?

It's a career goal for virtually every comic. Probably because you can sell bigger tours off the back of it, but also it's fun. Plus that thing of wanting to reach as many people as possible.

So, yes, it always has been a career goal to do more TV. I'd love to have my own show - to do sketches and stand-up and things like that.

I'm sort of at a stage in my career where I'm saying 'yes' to a lot of things that I didn't think I'd be up for in the past. Maybe it is age; maybe I've stopped worrying so much. I'm a little bit of a neurotic naturally, but I'm just giving things a go and really enjoying stuff.

A couple of years ago I think I was very much into 'I want to do a bit of stand-up, I want to do acting... and that's sort of it', whereas actually - nothing's certain - but I might be trying my hand at a bit of presenting and other bits and bobs now too - it's an interesting career at the moment because I'm not quite sure what's next.

Have I Got News For You. Image shows from L to R: Hal Cruttenden, Paul Merton. Copyright: BBC / Hat Trick Productions

I've got a couple of TV things coming up, and the tour, and I'm doing panto in December [Cinderella in Woking] - I shouldn't tell people this, but I'm really looking forward to it!

Talking of TV, you were on Have I Got News For You a couple of weeks ago - is that the most high profile thing you've done yet?

Yes, it is. About a year ago I went 'oh I don't really like panel shows, they're not really my thing' and now I've done about three Mock The Weeks and Have I Got News For You.

Mock The Week I was really scared of - I really worry beforehand, and then really enjoy actually doing them because I just find it exciting - it's like a silly game and a quiz, messing about.

I was quite lucky with Have I Got News For You I think, because Stephen Merchant hadn't really done a show like that before and he was hosting it and we know each other a bit, so it kind of relaxed me.

It was a really enjoyable experience. HIGNFY is a really nice show to go on, just the whole way it's done and the team behind it - many of them have been there 20 years; not just Paul and Ian, lots of people behind the scenes - so it's a very friendly show.

I do find with these things the best way to deal with them is just to pretend it's not a big deal and just hope it goes well.

Your joke involving Filipino women [see the clip below to get the context] got a good reaction...

I haven't seen the extended edit, but I said 'is that racist?' and then had a worry about it in the studio - I don't think any of that bit got broadcast. I got myself into a bit of a thing going 'is it offensive?'. I don't think it is offensive, as it's actually the national stereotype, based on truth - I could have said 'Russian' as I was sort of joking on the Filipino catalogue bride idea.

I did worry it might come across as if I was treating women as objects, like Rolex watches... so I got myself all worried about that. I think they edited all that out and just said 'Hal likes Filipino women'. Ha ha. One of my friends is married to a Filipino woman... it was funny, because I phoned him and went 'look, I'm not after your wife...'

Michael McIntyre's Comedy Roadshow. Hal Cruttenden. Copyright: Open Mike Productions

Ha ha. So, as discussed, you're now getting more TV opportunities you can say 'yes' to. What has changed?

Suddenly I am getting lots of offers. I think it's partly because I've changed agent and tried to get myself seen by the industry a bit more. It's a really honest answer - it should be 'I've really developed into a different person and I've just flowered as a comic', ha ha.

You are well known for doing many gigs a night back-to-back, but your agent has encouraged you to cut down on that a bit now?

It is more creative actually having that time. He is right.

It [doubling up on gigs] isn't a thing that is so necessary any more. I was supporting a family on being a circuit comic - you can make good money if you're doing 5 gigs or 4 gigs a night - so there was a financial imperative...

I did quite enjoy the rushing about, it did make me feel - er - manly [Hal giggles at this point]. The fact I was getting home pouring sweat, exhausted, I felt less that I was in showbiz and more that I'm a coal miner coming home to my family. Rather pathetically I liked the macho side of going 'I'm doing 5 gigs tonight and 4 gigs on Friday, 3 on Thursday'...

I was always going 'oh, I've got 11 gigs in three days', or whatever. I'd be so proud of my numbers. Showbiz, performance or being a stand-up or whatever: it is not the most accepted careers in terms of hard work. Nobody thinks it's hard. I like the idea of sweating hard, working hard, getting on and doing the stuff, and being a trooper.

But Christian [Hal's agent] was absolutely right - it was that thing of taking time, doing one show really well. Now I'm doing my tour show, my stamina is good. I do about an hour and 40 a night.

Also, I don't need to do four or five gigs a night because things are going well.

I'm ridiculously honest. I've got to stop this. I probably should take some media training. In six months' time I'll be like a footballer going [puts on a monotonous voice] 'well it's all about the lads, the lads played well'.

Tough Luvvie. Hal Cruttenden

So your tour - Tough Luvvie - let's talk about that. The show has existed in some form since 2012 when you formed it at the Edinburgh Festival. Have you changed it since then?

It's still quite solid banker material. Obviously it's a lot longer on tour - a 55 minute show has turned into an hour and 40. It's got a bit camper I suppose, there's a bit more about my daughter in it now for example.

I'm trying to think which bits are the most changed, because it still is about developing. Even though I've been around a long time, this is for many people an introduction to me this tour, so it is in some ways my best material, but also I get bored of things, so there's new things coming in the whole time. I've got a whole bit I'm trying to write at the moment about X Factor rejects becoming serial killers... which does make sense!

I can't believe I can't stop writing jokes my wife being Northern Irish - 'please stop banging on about it' - but she scared the kids in the neighbourhood who bullied my daughter - it was so impressive, so there's a little story about that.

Some of your material is quite personal - e.g. the bit about guzzling food. The tour goes right through to June next year. It is hard to continue to recount those personal bits?

I don't find that painful. There's another, different bit of eating stuff I'm doing, because the guzzling bit [see video below] has been on Live at the Apollo so many times I thought I better stop doing it...

I get a bit fed up with overweight comics or people with weight problems making out it's all just a laugh. 'Look at me, I'm a funny guy - I'll eat you! Oh, I'll do that'... Roy Chubby Brown walking out to his crowd shouting 'You Fat Bastard' is not what I think comedy is about... because that is just 'isn't it funny, I'm a big fat guy, I don't mind you shouting that'.

I want to do stuff about how painful it is - the truth about how men can't talk about how upset they are about their weight, how they look at themselves and go 'oh my god, what did I used to look like, and what am I looking like now'. We are just as sensitive as women underneath, but we've been bruised by the whole expectation of being a man and the fact we can't be so open... so those are my favourite bits. So, yes, I like things that mean something.

Hal Cruttenden

I obviously have fluffy jokes as well, although I like to think more and more of my comedy is based on things that deep down really do bother us, really are things we care about - that's where the real big laughs come from I think.

That's why comedy can be so risky sometimes. People get upset because, 'oh you're doing a joke about cancer, a joke about terrorist - these are things that have affected me'... These are scary things, yes, but when comedy takes them apart, that is when comedy is at its best, and its finest - really healing.

Wow, what a great answer. We're not going to be able to beat that, so we'll sign off on that powerful note.

I got on a bit of a roll there didn't I? Like Tom Hanks accepting an Oscar. He's a great actor and a lovely man I think, but he wanks on!

Ha ha. Lovely to chat to you Hal, and all the best with the tour and the TV projects.

Hal Cruttenden's Tough Luvvie tour is on now until 6th June 2014. For more information on dates, venues and to book tickets, please go to www.halcruttenden.com

Published: Wednesday 6th November 2013

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