28. What's that? My age? Yes. However, it's also the number of times someone has said the phrase "conscious uncoupling" / made a Coldplay-based joke to me a week into the Edinburgh Fringe festival. That's 4 times a day (I think). That's way too many times. 1 times is, in fact, too many times. That's one off the amount of times Muslims have to pray each day. That's in no way relevant but I just found out the fact and felt like sharing it.

The comments I've received, to be fair, are sooooo witty. They range from "How's Gwyneth?" (That's what Sarah Kendall said to me when I saw her after her show) to "COLDPLAY" shouted by a drunk man at Best of The Fest as soon as I went on stage. I'm actually terrified to even buy a ticket to a show at a box office now. For some reason you have to give your full name for their system but I'm almost certain (based on the response) it is to check if anyone has a famous person's name so that they can then make a terrible joke. If there is anyone else at the festival called Tom Jones, Paul Smith or Sachin Tendulkar I urge you to book your tickets online to avoid getting this abuse.

I know it doesn't seem like a big deal to a lot of you, but 4 times a day having to field these comments is a big time sap. The time spent on batting away these comments I could be using to do a whole range of other things, including raising money for charity (something the lead singer of Coldplay would appreciate). Perhaps that's why he's so charitable? He doesn't have to waste time on name-based jokes and instead can organise a benefit for a worthwhile cause.

There's isn't a lot I can do to stop this name bullying. All I can do is hope that enough people read this article, so at some point in the future one of you bumps into the lead singer of Coldplay. When this happens, please do me a favour. Go over to him and ask "Are you Chris Martin?" and when he says 'yes' just ask him "How's your Edinburgh Fringe Show going?". Then he'll have a tiny idea of what it's like to live a day in the life of his namesake; although it might deprive a charity of some much needed cash.

Chris Martin (yes as in...)

Chris Martin (the funny one) is performing 'Responsibilliness'at 8:30pm at the Pleasance Courtyard until the 24th August. Listing

After the Fringe, Chris will be touring the show. For info see www.chrismartincomedy.co.uk