British Comedy Guide

Status report Page 6,189

I thought of a gag last night which has probably been done before but here goes...

People are always calling me a Hypochondriac. That hurts!

Thanks to Ted from Scrubs and Ted from Scrubs.

Or... That's sick.

How has the word Next lost its meaning? On TV or Radio they say coming up next and then they play a record or have adverts before what they were talking about is on.

I watched the spectacular Northern Lights last night.
It was about half past 11 and I was about to give up as there was only a distant pink glow.
Then I saw a swirl of pinky-purple roll right across the sky. Not just towards the north but right above.
Then green dancing with purple like an unreal light show. No wonder people take trips to Iceland to watch them, they give you the feeling that you are just a speck in the universe.

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 11th May 2024, 8:20 AM

Then green dancing with purple like an unreal light show, they give you the feeling that you are just a speck in the universe.

Yeah man - dig it. I get the same affect/effect after partaking of magic mushrooms 😍

Anyone else wake up blind?
Oh, and the houseplants have started behaving funny.

Quote: Chappers @ 10th May 2024, 7:19 PM

How has the word Next lost its meaning? On TV or Radio they say coming up next and then they play a record or have adverts before what they were talking about is on.

Very good point well made Chappers. Just to tack on to that if I may but Rawlinson's no longer offer public rest rooms. The nearest stop for quick relief is Roller City two miles EAST.

SPONSPORED BY GINSTERS AND CASTROL.

I thought you were off the lash. :)

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 13th May 2024, 8:59 AM

I thought you were off the lash. :)

:D I am but decided to give crack a try. It's not bad.

Quote: Definitely Tarby @ 13th May 2024, 5:47 PM

I am but decided to give crack a try. It's not bad.

It's actually good, according to the Irish.

I shouldn't joke about crack. Before I got sober I tried to overdose by snowballing After Life style. Didn't work. Still here.

Tomorrow I have to go to the dentist for a checkup *

* checkup :- sit in waiting room for 25 minutes, then have some dude poke a metal stick around my mouth for 3 minutes, then pay £60 on the way out. At least Dick Turpin used to wear a mask

After 7 years, my Virgin digi-box has gone phut - they are delivering (and fitting!) a new latest one this Wed. I wonder what features it will have I don't want and what ones it doesn't have, I want - bound to be some shit I'm not happy with...............................

This morning I cracked an egg into the pan for my dinner

and it had blood in it....

Fackin grossssss 🤯🤢🤮

Probably tomato ketchup.

Share this page