Hey, just wanting to know if anyone has any stand-up routines? i just curious as i am going to write my own

I think the resident stand-up is Lewis Roberts I’m sure he’ll be in touch.

hi Chris, nice to meet you, and thanks barry, Chris if you look at my profile then you'll see what i'm made off, and feel free to pm me, then we can compare notes (it saves on clogging up the forum). Look forward to hearing from you sir.
have you performed?
LR

I have a stand up routine but still (thanks to work and college) have yet to perform it infront of more that three people.

So in theory I can help...in theory communism works

I'm very interested in stand-up too, and I think others must be ... would you mind putting info here on the thread?

I'm interested in knowing about scripts. Like, do you write them word-for-word or just notes which you use as prompts for the jokes in your brain?

Also, do you always start with a 'a funny thing happened on the way to the open mic night' gag or do you just dive into a routine with little 'lead in' material..?

I'd write some jokes 'n pieces for anyone who's interested. I'm not sure how to structure a stand up gag exactly, that's why I also await an answer for Scott's question.

But I doubt I'll ever get the chance or have the guts to perform myself, so I just want to write dammit, write anything!!!

Yo Leevil, writing if you want to write jokes for stand up they can go one of two ways... you can do the traditional one liner and if its good they will find a place to bolt it into there act or use it and the beginning as an opener or at the end for an encore.

Then you can do what I do and tell mini stories with punch lines at the end or mini jokes within a story itself (which again are bolted together), it helps to build up the laughs until the belting punch line at the end.

I also perform stand up and after Uni am going to try and go pro. As for subject matter its mostly topical and post modern. I try to make the audience think they know where the joke is going and then go the opposite way.
One thing I would say is that you need to start quickly and either shock your audience or make them piss themselves within a couple of lines or they get restless.

I agree with Paul you will probably want to be a story telling comedian or a gag comedian. the other type is Improv but its difficult and only a few can do it well e.g. Ross Noble, Eddie Izzard.

Scott, I write my stand up word for word in Word and memorize it. Its divided into sections so I can jump a bit if I think a joke won't go down well. My standard opening joke is

'How are you all doing? I'm a little down this evening because my girlfriend can't be here tonight. She usually likes going to things like this but I think she's a little ill. I said after we could paint the town red but I think she’s painting herself red tonight.'

I know where I stand after the audience reaction to that joke. It may change if I have a venue specific joke.Also its good to have some jokes which guarantee a laugh in case your dying on your arse.

Sorry about the length of reply.

"Scott, I write my stand up word for word in Word and memorise it. Its divided into sections so I can jump a bit if I think a joke won't go down well. My standard opening joke is "

Yeah I do that, I'm about ready to perform my routine now but I am a little nervous about 2 jokes unfortunatly they are my openers which isnt good. Actually while I'm here.

OPENERS:

"Good evening everyone…I’m Paul I’m pretty nervous tonight, it’s mostly down to only been on stage a couple of times in my life and well the first time was in a dream… I was performing stand up like I am now… but I was naked… and I was shit! Nightmare! well at least I’ve made one improvement tonight.

The first time I was on stage in a none dream was about a year ago, I had to give a business speech. Well I say speech, I was doing my best to win the competition and go to Sweden for a week, your thinking why bother? Its Sweden… what can I say, we like flying!"

been trying to improve it but nothing it coming to me at the moment... suggestions welcome!

i write mine in a rough pad then read over it about a day later and then write it into a neat pad word for word, stand up is just so easy to write for me but when it comes to sketch and sit-coms i can't even start, i always like to start off with either a little bit of banter with the audience, but that is always a risk, because you can be out bantered, or a good funny story, it is important to establish with the audience what you are made of, and your personality, then after that normally it rolls on and gets easier to perform. Normally my stuff is quite characther based and i also tell a few stories but i like to define myself as a look at everyday life (observational) bt with a different veiw

"stand up is just so easy to write for me"

Complete opposite

I'd like to do stand up. Back at sixth form I was always the best at doing presentations, always descended into comics and I always got the laughs but I just made stuff up to do with the presentation as I went nothing ever planned.

I would love to do stand up but I dunno, maybe need the nerve to get on stage, once there then I'd be fine. I remember my wedding day how nervous I was, not of the wedding but the speech but once I started I had everyone laughing, again making it up as I went

Hows this for a opener...if its **** just say cos I'd much rather know instead of everyone here being nice and then I stand up on the local circuit and die on me arse

Yeah I forgot to mention that i write in a pad first then in Word. You should carry a pad around with you, I don't and whenever I think of something I just have to repeat it in my head until i can write it down.

Paul, I use to use this opener but it doesn't work because i'm not as nervous as i use to be.

'This is my first time and i’m a little nervous, actually I’m shitting myself. I also haven’t eaten for a while so if your see me doing anything weird its because I’m heavily constipated.'

Here's my first stand up joke I wrote,

"I do suffer from stage fright. A man once told me to imagine everyone naked, which was weird because I was just asking him for directions..."

i can't remember my first start line, i do remember my first story i told, i posted it on here once, it goes

"when i used to work in a shop we were encoraged to be friendly to the customers in order to make them welcome, one day this man came in and i asked "so what is that logo on your jumper?" you know making conversation he said "ow i work for a charity, and on the back there is a telephone number as we are running a campaign against cigarette makers, you see they have been found handing out free cigarettes to children in order to get them hooked, it's awful isn't it?" i replied "that is distgusting, that is awful, free cigarettes to children, they should have to pay".,

this went down well, i said earlier that writing is easy for me, thats not entierly true, it is easy but only when i'm ready, if i get up in the morning and head straight for the pad then it can be hard but if i go out with mates, or just go out and come home then it just rolls off the pen, granted it isn't always good, but i do find it easy, as i said, writing sketches and sit-coms is hard for me sit-coms because i like to go from subject to subject, i think i will leave the sketches and sit-coms to you that are good at it.