Pointless having staff in these places.

They seem to only employ thickos who cant talk to answer a question, or 6-week-old fetuses, With huge pulsating zits. You see them scrabbling around but you can’t catch the little fookers.I mean your eyes meet & they scarper.

I hate the places. You can’t find anything. They have every colour of paint imaginable, except the one you want. The queues at the till stretch several miles & the whore on the till always closes it,when it is your turn. She also smiles at you as she does it. I want to ram a door down her throat.

The only positive thing about them is the humungatarian rows you hear couples have in there. The best was yesterday. He was adamant they needed red wall plugs. She was positive they needed brown. I mean just buy both the fookers. They are merely pence. Anyhoo after 5 minutes of screaming, she got her own way. He had the strop & I just knew they were in for a nasty evening. Made me feel all warm inside did that.
Occasionally if you are lucky you get to witness a toddler getting battered. If not by the junk left lying around, then by the irate parents. I prefer it when the mum loses it. I like the way they often try to hide the fact they are beating their baby. Eg. Bashing them with a tin of paint, then stating, "Bloody place is a death trap. Did you see that tin fall on my buba?"
I nod eagerly, stand in the queue for 3 hours. Wait for the slut to close it. Join another queue. Take my wibbly wheeled trolley into a few parked cars. Load up the colour paint I did not really want & fookoff home.

Nice piece Charley! Equally irritating here is the way a certain superstore chain (maybe because it's French and the floor staff whizz around on roller skates so they're even harder to catch!) refuses to sell you things on display. Last time it was a microwave and before that a vacuum cleaner and fridge ... our old ones having each managed to break down shortly after the guarantee ran out. In we go, choose an economy model ... but can't buy it because it's the last one they have and it's just 'on display'. Working up through a further six microwaves and similar number of fridges and vacuum cleaners it turns out that they can't actually let you have anything except the most expensive one of each ... so we traipse off to somewhere else (25 miles away!) where they're prepared to actually sell things. You should sketch-ify your DIY store observations!

Charley:

Wow, what a great piece Charley, more next week?

Quote: Leevil @ October 10, 2007, 11:27 AM

Wow, what a great piece Charley, more next week?

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I worked in a DIY store and my training consisted of 1 30 minute video. My favourtie one was when you get a bloke built like a brick outshouse and he'd go to the cement aisle and say to me (weakling 15 year old). "Can you carry 2 bags of cemement to my car."

So wanted to reply "Sir as you are aware this is a DIY store, so in the true spirit of store. DO IT YOURSELF!" instead I just pretended to need a trolley and hide in the warehouse till he went away or collared someone else.

Lol, so it was you!

Quote: dannyjb1 @ October 10, 2007, 12:00 PM

I worked in a DIY store and my training consisted of 1 30 minute video. My favourtie one was when you get a bloke built like a brick outshouse and he'd go to the cement aisle and say to me (weakling 15 year old). "Can you carry 2 bags of cemement to my car."

So wanted to reply "Sir as you are aware this is a DIY store, so in the true spirit of store. DO IT YOURSELF!" instead I just pretended to need a trolley and hide in the warehouse till he went away or collared someone else.

View original

Real men never ask for help

So Danny, you WERE one of those 6-week-old fetuses. Awwwwwwwwww, you little fooker you.

Well some peeps are cheeky & I dont blame you for hiding. I am not though. All I wanted was a tall lanky embryo to reach up to the 8ft tall shelf, without leaking his puss all over me, to get a tin of paint.

I was in Wilkinsons the other day and there was this woman struggling to reach some paint, I asked her, like the gentleman I am, if she would like any help. She told me to *clears throat*, "F**k off!".

Serves me right for shopping at Wilkinsons, I suppose.

LoL.
Maybe you were talking to her tits Lee.

I couldn't see them, tucked into her shoes you see.

I go to a nice one run by a little old man who cannot see very well and calls me Sally. I love it there! I recently raided the tip and found a bedside cabinet and decided to jazz it up Snowdrop style and he found all these old stick ons with images of roses and anchors that were uber old and very dusty so he just gave them to me! Woo hoo! B & Q just scares me. It's too big!

Quote: Charley @ October 10, 2007, 3:44 AM

Pointless having staff in these places.

They seem to only employ thickos who cant talk to answer a question, or 6-week-old fetuses, With huge pulsating zits. You see them scrabbling around but you can’t catch the little fookers.I mean your eyes meet & they scarper.

View original

So when do you start there Charley?

Quote: Charley @ October 10, 2007, 12:52 PM

So Danny, you WERE one of those 6-week-old fetuses. Awwwwwwwwww, you little fooker you.

Well some peeps are cheeky & I dont blame you for hiding. I am not though. All I wanted was a tall lanky embryo to reach up to the 8ft tall shelf, without leaking his puss all over me, to get a tin of paint.

View original

Yep that was me, I even rose to the heady heights of Supervisor (part time). I'd like to think I was helpful most of the time, but when the customer took the piss, I felt it only right to do so back. You know your in real trouble when you got called specifically by name for a job.

If you come in and ask a spotty 15 year old which screw to use for a particular function, do you really expected them to know? Honestly?

Another one I recall... was pooring with rain, we were closing in 10 minutes and someone came in for a shed. Me and a collegue looked at him.. looked at the shed in the rain.. looked at him again and repeated until he quiet correctly said 'I'll come back tomorrow'

LOL.
Actually if i ask a 15 year old for a screw I expect him do damn well give me one.