Best Porridge quotes or scene

Porridge. Image shows from L to R: Fletcher (Ronnie Barker), Godber (Richard Beckinsale). Copyright: BBC.


Ronnie Barker stars as Norman Stanley Fletcher, trying to keep his nose clean and guiding his young 'roomie' Godber, whilst residing in HMP Slade


David Smith

  • Friday 5th April 2013, 8:24pm [Edited]
  • Aberdeen, Scotland
  • 2,527 posts

I liked these ones I did.

Fletch: Advice to the lovelorn, you want, is it, Warren? Compose an appropriate reply?
Warren: No, it's simpler than that, Fletch. I just want you to read it to me.

What's your favourite quote or scene?
Here is another.

Barrowclough: You're writing a book?

Fletch: Yeah - a sort of inside guide to prison life. But don't worry, I've not overlooked your boys in blue - I will be dealing just as much with your issues as those of our fellow felons.

Barrowclough: Oh, good. And what are you going to call this book?

Fletch: Don't Let The Bastards Grind You Down.


Gordon Bennett

  • Friday 5th April 2013, 8:52pm
  • Basel, Switzerland
  • 19,199 posts

Mackay sees Fletch and some of his mates passing by. Each one has a ball in his hands.

Mackay: Wait a minute, what have you men got there?
Fletch: Balls, Mr. Mackay.
Mackay: Why are they different sizes?
Fletch: That's life, sir.

*All inmates laughing*


Billy Bunter

  • Friday 5th April 2013, 10:11pm
  • The Sussex Coast, England
  • 1,477 posts

Are you now, or have you ever been a practising homosexual?
What with these feet?

You see that glass over there; I want you to fill it for me.
What from here?

I read a book once. Green it was.


Nil Putters

  • Friday 5th April 2013, 10:15pm
  • A galaxy far, far away or, England
  • 28,690 posts

Mind how you go.



  • Friday 5th April 2013, 11:01pm
  • Nowhere, England
  • 9,930 posts
Quote: Billy Bunter @ April 5 2013, 10:11 PM BST

I read a book once. Green it was.

Kills me everytime :)

AvatarBCG Supporter


  • Friday 5th April 2013, 11:46pm
  • Welwyn Garden City, England
  • 9,788 posts
Quote: Billy Bunter @ April 5 2013, 10:11 PM BST

You see that glass over there; I want you to fill it for me.
What from here?

Not sure why, but that always cracks me up.



  • Saturday 6th April 2013, 7:36am
  • Espoo, Finland
  • 116 posts

'I'm not one of your wishy washy liberals. I harbour grudges.'

And the bit where Fletch is answering Godber's question, 'what are loins?'


Gordon Bennett

  • Monday 8th April 2013, 3:33pm
  • Basel, Switzerland
  • 19,199 posts

Fletch (to some of the inmates): "I don't quite know how to put this, gentlemen, but there is a thief among us".



  • Wednesday 10th April 2013, 5:30am [Edited]
  • Hull, England
  • 167 posts

Fletch - "Do you know who made our raspberry blamange last week? Riggs and he's in here for poisoning"

Godber - "did he really?"

Fletch - "Yeah he's a cause celeb in his home town Newcastle under Lyme, come to think of it most his relatives are under lyme now"

Godber - "Is that why they call him arsenic Riggs?"

Fletch - "oh no, that's because he once sat on a razor blade"