This is the thread for topical news-worthy "One-Liner" contributions to Live from Kirrin Island. The main thread gives further info and it explains that the standard NJ Jackapp structure will apply which we will do as VoxPops. Add your contributions to this thread, and when enough are posted, identify your favourites.

Deadline is end Wednesday 13th June.

Just to get us started, my quickie...

WOMAN: I'm on two water meters at home. One more metre and I'll be completey flooded.

Alison

5 one liners in order of preference

I've been told I should get behind England for the Euros so I've moved to France

The Green Lantern has come out of the closet. Imagine that a man who works out and wears skin tight clothes is gay

Did you see Danny on the final of The Voice wearing sparkly knee pads? He looked like a drama school graduated forced to work at his dads carpet fitting business

I don't think the people carrying the Olympic torch should be able to sell them on ebay. I bought one and it burnt my hallway down

Jedward failed to win the Eurovision song contest. Usually teenage boys come first. According to Caroline Flack

Maybe David and Samantha Cameron didn't have enough money to pay and were leaving their daughter at the pub as collateral?

Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration, so good news for Tony award winning James Corden, he's only 1% away.

I guess with Ridley Scott films, you're either Prometheus or Antimetheus.

I'm so out of touch with youth culture, I thought Peppa Pig was a cooking instruction.

What's a Grecian Urn? Nowhere near enough to secure extra EU bailout funding from France and Germany.

In Sweden the new Marvel film is called "Avengers Self-Assemble".

Michel Platini suggests referees book players at Euro 2012 if they walk off the pitch after being racially abused? But how else are they supposed to get away from John Terry?

Is the modern equivalent of Nazi book burning is deleting files from your Kindle?

The IMF has agreed 81 billion euros to bail out spain. Apparently The Uk has sent 18 million buckets to bail out Wales.

French police Monday detained L'Oreal heiress Liliane Bettencourt's ex-lawyer and a businessman for questioning in a probe into allegations of abuse of power, a source close to the matter said. L'oreal herself says there is no foundation in the claims and it is all a cover up.

WOMAN: I heard on the news that Gordon Brown has been slamming the sun's conduct. While David Cameron has been slamming the daughters. Which is a bit harsh she only had the one pint of Guinness apparently.

WOMAN: I heard that The Plough Inn have asked that David Cameron's daughter back for a photo shoot, but apparently she's CAMRA shy.

DAVID CAMERON - Samantha, have you seen my phone and keys anywhere?(Breaks into rap in style of Britain's Got Talent contestant)
Where's me phone? Where's me keys? Where's me phone? Where's me keys? Where's me...daughter...oh noooo.

VACANT SOUNDING MAN - Well I went all the way to London for the Jubilee 'cos I heard they were showing that Godzilla, but all I could see was a load of old boats.

WOMAN - My boyfriend said he'd treat me to a cosy dinner if I let him have a boy's night watching Euro 2012 in front of the TV with his mates.....but I can't even fit a chair in this airing cupboard not to mention the laptray.

WELSH WOMAN - Mind you, the campers did get a little bit wet...but what do they expect boyo? Wales prides itself on it's leeks.

THE QUEEN - One's husband has celebrated his 91st birthday...another nine years and one shall be sending him a telegram...or maybe one could just put it next to his eggy soldiers in the morning.

Sightings of more children abandoned by Cameron turned out to be the country on its knees

News International has distanced itself from Fife NHS's apology to Brown, claiming its enquiry about leaks and feeding lines was misinterpreted

I know why David Cameron took 15 minutes to get his daughter back after leaving her at the pub. 5 minutes to realise she was missing and 10 minutes drive round in a massive circle so it didn't look like another Tory u-turn.

WOMAN: Asked why her parents left her in the pub. Miss Cameron said it is because my dad is a massive arse.

LAD:
This new drug-resistant gonorrhoea's worrying... especially for those of us who're resistant to johnnies.

CHEERFUL WOMAN:
The double bank holiday was so splendid; I reckon we should bring back three-day weeks!

FOOTBALL FAN:
I hope Spain get destroyed at the Euros! It'd serve 'em right for destroying THE Euro!

SMUG MOTHER:
My seven-year-old's already bi-lingual. He's fluent in both British AND American English!

MIDDLE-AGE WOMAN:
'How deep is you love?' was played at Robin Gibb's funeral. When I go, I want 'Staying alive' to be played at mine.

SINGLE FATHER:
The closure of dozens of Mothercare stores proves one thing... that mothers DON'T care!

FOOTBALL FAN:
How can John Terry get a fair trial, when he's the only person who doesn't consider John Terry to a dickhead?

Having been promised a night of passion with the WAGS on Monday night if they had beaten France, Wayne Rooney said he was disappointed to be pulled off before the end for going down in the box and giving the ref the opportunity to blow him.

I can't believe he abandoned the little mite; 6 bags of crisps and they won't stop crying. Ok he picked up his daughter but when's he collecting Clegg?

So Dave Cameron is going to help troubled families? Who spend all day down the pub and forget about their kids. Finally a subject he knows about.

Lady Gaga was stunned this week when performing on stage in New Zealand when she was hit on a head by a pole. The pole , Krzysztof Penderecki, said he was pretty surprised himself.

I'm prepared to accept those Polish and Ukrainian supporters weren't doing nazi salutes. They were just pointing and saying "Oh, look - there's the opposing fans...Oh, look - there they are again...And again...And again...And again..."