Quote: sootyj @ September 5 2011, 6:34 PM BST

1 2 day coma from alcohol consumption
2 almost drowned trying to take a short cut in the sea.
3 ran self over with a tractor.
4 pulmonary embolisim leading to losing half of lung capacity for a week.
5 got strangled for a laff working the day shift in a psychiatric hospital.
6 almost drowned trying to take a short cut in the sea (second time)
7 got MRSA poisoning from infected excrement at work. (or was it a weird mutant virus still not sure)
8 Hit low wall at bottom of a hill at high speed on a bike catapaulting self 6 feet distance.
9 Told possibly psychotic colleague they were suspended (took it very badly)
10 Crossing busy Amsterdam thoroughfare stoned.
11 Hmm something else but can't remember it.

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Best not to leave the house ever again, unless you're on gas.

Quote: Loopey @ September 7 2011, 9:02 PM BST

Yours are definitely more entertaining, but if we are going for entertainment value I would vote for Leevil's 'choking on a sandwich.'

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It was worth it, just for that.

Quote: Leevil @ September 8 2011, 12:51 AM BST

It was worth it, just for that.

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My mum was technically dead twice when she was a kid. Apparently there is no afterlife, so make the most of your day.

Were you the star of ITV's short lived sitcom

"Mt mum's a zombie but my dad's a n*****r"

Quote: sootyj @ September 8 2011, 10:46 AM BST

Were you the star of ITV's short lived sitcom

"Mt mum's a zombie but my dad's a n*****r"

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So long as that last word is "napper", then yes.

Potentially this morning. Got up because I thought I could smell burning, found tea towel smouldering on cooker hob. Smoke alarm battery flat. All is well thank goodness.

Quote: Loopey @ September 9 2011, 11:48 AM BST

Potentially this morning. Got up because I thought I could smell burning, found tea towel smouldering on cooker hob. Smoke alarm battery flat. All is well thank goodness.

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RIP Loopey's tea towel.

Quote: john lucas 101 @ September 9 2011, 11:50 AM BST

RIP Loopey's tea towel.

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Thank you, the memorial service will be this afternoon at 2.30. Much cake will be consumed.

I've lost a few oven gloves to that. My condolences.

Years ago my friend overturned her car on a lonely road in a storm, the car slid up a bank and skidded into a gully.

We both crawled out of broken windows, not even damaged me tights.

Tried to flag down help, two cars passed us by!, eventually young couple in a mini stopped to help, forever grateful.

The car was scrapped, Police said we were lucky.

I remember being annoyed because I had left my fags behind!

This was before late night supermarkets, remember knocking neighbour up to blag one!

One scary time, amongst others.

My dad was towing me in my knackered old Astra down a busy motorway when the tow rope snapped and I came to a halt right slap bang where another motorway was joining the one I was on, a sort of massive slip-road. There were cars zooming by and honking their horns and I got out of my car and tried to find a space in the traffic to run to the side of the road. Nobody was slowing down and then my dad ran up - he'd screeched to a halt a bit further up and ran to assist. Then I turned round to see an enormous juggernaut coming towards us on the inside lane - he obviously hadn't seen us yet and as he bore down us, me and dad just looked at each other with our eyes like saucers - it was a nightmare and I truly thought we were going to die. Then at the last second the trucker saw us, blasted his horn and hauled the rig over to the right, just missing us. Then there was a miraculous gap in the traffic, as if someone had turned off a tap, which allowed us to push the car onto the hard shoulder. We just stood there by the side of the road and laughed - there was't anything else to do.

Wow Lee that reminds me of the time my brakes failed when going down a 1in 4 incline, had to spin out into traffic terrifying ... but survived

When I was a little kid, I never had my MMR vaccine due to complications that I can't remember. Anyway, during December 2008, I was diagnosed with Measles and taken to hospital. I was very ill and so weak that I couldn't move my limbs. To make matters worse, after tanking me up on Penicillin, they quickly realised I was highly allergic to it.

Hence, full on Measles and a major Penicillin reaction at the same time - all during Christmas as well. Bloody miserable (and almost deadly) festive season that was

LOL I nearly died of cancer for real.