EXT. LARGE FARMHOUSE – DAY

Long shot of a large and opulent farm-house nestled in a valley, somewhere in middle England.

INT. FARMHOUSE KITCHEN - DAY
ANGUS, a middle aged gentleman farmer, sits with two black labs at his feet, reading a broadsheet while puffing on a pipe. He wears a flat cap and tweed jacket.

His WIFE, a horse toothed woman wearing a headscarf and green wellies enters. When she speaks it is with a mouthful of plums.

WIFE
Angus, I'm worried about the cows... they're still not producing milk.

He folds his paper, and addresses her in a similarly plummy way.

ANGUS
Have you tried playing music to them darling... I'm sure it worked on an episode of that James Herriot programme.

WIFE
I even played them the Toreador Aria from 'Carmen'. Not a drop.

ANGUS
Hmmm... and the automatic washing machine didn't work either?

WIFE
That's right... I got Fred to plumb one into the cow-shed last week, and they haven't even bothered switching it on!

ANGUS
How odd... that seemed to perk your mother up no end when we bought her one last year.

WIFE
I think it's their hooves... they can't work the dials.

ANGUS
Besides the point... jolly ungrateful I'd say. I suppose I'd better go and have a word.

Disgruntled, he rises from his chair.

INT. BARN - DAY
CLOSE UP on Angus as he stands as if he's addressing troops.

ANGUS
Now listen here, ladies... I don't want to speak out of turn, but you've really got to start pulling your weight around here, or it's the old heave-ho for the lot of you.

PULL BACK to reveal the milking stalls, which contain donkeys.
Angus turns proudly to his wife, who is standing beside him.

ANGUS
There... that ought to do the trick!

She smiles gratefully back at him.

CLOSE UP of panto donkey hoof pushing in soap drawer of washing machine, and pressing on switch.

PULL BACK to reveal panto Donkey head, with lit fag in it's mouth.

DONKEY
(in Glaswegian accent)
Stuck-up twat!

A bit surreal lol did make me chuckle with donkey's so thats all good

I've been told you shouldn't put in about camera work thats the directors job.

Send that to a washing powder company so they can use it as an advert. That will make a fabulous advert. I'd buy the bloodie washing powder and get my mother in law to use it. She's a cow. Only joking Eve. Love you to bits.

Thanks Charley... I'd never thought of that angle!(although I'd probably have to temper the 'twats' line... you've got me going now with ad idea... "DON'T BE A TWAT... USE NEW DAZ!")

And Gavin, I know what you're saying re: camera directions, but occasionally it seems the only way to get the image in one's head down on paper...d'you know what i mean?

You can disguise twat with a farmery twang. Like
whose twat
whats twat
I am sure Daz, Ariel or any of the others would love to have an advert for washing powder that was actualy funny like yours for a change rather than boring. Anything to get rid of the doorstep challenge. Infact you have now given me an idea for a thread. What advert would you write. I am going to do it now. ITS ALL YOUR FAULT. xx

I liked this one Stylo - as Gav mentions quite surreal which doesn't always do it for me but I think this one works as I can visualise it well. You have a good writing style and tend not to over-write which is such an easy thing to do so keep up the good work.