I have the radio on at present and there has just been an astrologer on talking the most phenomenal load of bollocks I have ever heard in all my puff.

If ever there was money for old rope then this is the business to be in. With that in mind I'll just give all Taureans a quick reading.

Cheeky Pluto currently retrograde in you dining room indicates something or other.

Stay indoors on Friday as there is sure to be a gang of mutant daleks marauding up the High St between Monsoon and M&S. The number 12 and the colour bile-green are strongly starred .

Anybody who feels that they have gained anything from this reading then please send me a £20 credit to my PayPal account.

Clearly I don't believe the star sign bits in magazines, but I read mine the other day in some fashion magazine for the first time in years, and it stated two dates on which I would... do something, and it had them exactly right.

Is it possible to sue an astrologer if something doesn't come true?

I heard there are 13 birth signs but they never talk about the 13th as it's a bit of a skeleton.

I'm a typical Capricorn, I don't believe in astrology.

Quote: Marc P @ January 12 2009, 5:26 PM GMT

I'm a typical Capricorn, I don't believe in astrology.

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How about card readers. What a fun thing to go have done. Hysterical!!!

My postal friend and I went to one and we laughed so much. Of course the women was full of something something. But we had fun!!!

Like tarot cards?

Some weird woman read my hand once (not my palm). All she could tell people was how many children they were going to have.

Quote: zooo @ January 12 2009, 5:30 PM GMT

Like tarot cards?

Some weird woman read my hand once (not my palm). All she could tell people was how many children they were going to have.

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Yes I think that is what she called them. I spooked her more than she spooked me.

Quote: Marc P @ January 12 2009, 5:26 PM GMT

I'm a typical Capricorn, I don't believe in astrology.

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I too was a sceptic but I've just read an article about it on the internet so I'm now going into business. I'll give you a reading Marc then see if you change your mind.

All Capricorns have a playful yet serious aspect and you're no exception. The number 22 bus has a significance for you. Fight you urge to ignore this and embrace the bus. You won't be sorry.

Your lucky creature is the Patagonian Dabble Warbler and your lucky sandwich is Piccalilli and Corned Beef

Ha ha! Now tell me there's nothing in it!!!!!

PS. If you could PM methe £20 quid, this is a business after all

True story from around here.

One of our biggest national newspapers faced a bit of a problem, when its staff 'astrologist' retired or left, and there was noone to replace him... so during one summer one of the newspaper's sports journalists took over the job to write the horoscopes. As he was Sagittarius, people born under that sign had a very good summer. The stars were very favourable for them.

My ex girlfriend recommended palmistry to me.

Quote: Marc P @ January 12 2009, 6:29 PM GMT

My ex girlfriend recommended palmistry to me.

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You gotta give her a hand for that

I'm a scorpio but it's (astrology) all bollocks.

I'm a Cancerian. Not the most jolly word.

And being a 'crab' is not much better.

Such lovely connotations!

Thanks a bunch, Russell Grant. (He invented all the star signs, right?)

I'm a Cancerian, too.

It amazes me people genuinely believe a ball of superheated gas light years away, which may or may not have exploded thousands of years ago, knows what their emotional state will be next Tuesday and whether or not they have a lucky number.

I think it takes a special kind of egotism to think the universe knows more about your life than you do. I remember someone telling me once it had something to do with gravity - that's how the stars affect your life.

Oh really?

I pointed out if I threw a bit of paper at her it probably had more gravitational effct than the nearest star (barring the sun, of course). Yet no one thinks the kind of day you have is determined by how many things get thrown at you.

Unless they're bricks - then you can pretty much guarantee you're going to have a bad day and possibly meet a dentist in the near future.