"I go on holiday to Hawaii and there's a plane crash and all of the survivors are women sex therapists on their way to a conference. There's maybe even some male sex therapists. They'd love that wouldn't they? All f**king each other and giving each other tips while I sit on a rock wanking and crying!"

Also like 'You're not going to out hippy me you stupid f**king hippy.

"Maybe we'll be like the friends in Friends, who got bored of being friends and started having sex with each other?"

"It's OK to like the gun. It's a design classic, like the Routemaster bus or... those chairs."

"This is possibly the worst thing that's happened to anyone, ever!"

"This is possibly the best thing that's happened to anyone, ever!"

"Parents do seem to like me. Apart from Dad, of course..."

"This is probably the way Mark felt after I made him switch off 'The Killing Fields' halfway through. Frustrated. And horny."

"And I have a tiramisu. This is f**king amazing!"

"I would literally stab a baby to do that."

{Of Big Suze...) "She's so lovely. I bet she even does nice poos. Little Maltesers that smell of The Body Shop."

Toni: "I had a steward eat me in the multi-faith area at Dubai airport. God, that was depressing."

Mark: "Look, I've got nothing against being gay. But I'm not. And neither is Johnson. He's black, in case you hadn't noticed, which I expect you had."

Mark: "Yes! I am the lord of the bus, said he."

Mark: "You idiot, Gerard. Friday comes before Saturday!"

Doctor:
Look guys. You've had your fun with the sectioning.
There's going to be no more sectioning today.

Mark: (I'm staring into the Abyss. I've bought a house in the Abyss. I'm getting My post forwarded to the Abyss)

Jez: There's only so much happiness in the world and they're hoarding it all!
Mark: That's not how happiness works! (It completely is.)

Mark: You do realise it's me you're talking to, not some Italian builder.

I AM James Bond!

'Look what you did, you little Jerk!'

'Where we're going we don't need..roads!'

'Andy Dufrane was a good kid!'

Nancy: What's going on? Who's wanking who off?
Super Hans: Jeremy's been wanking off this bloke for cash.
Jez: No I haven't! It's not -
Nancy: Jeremy, that is so you. I always knew you'd end up doing something like that.

Good Mark V/Os...

"Do me!? Are they going to rape me? Or kill me? If they rape and kill me, I hope they kill my first. I sort of win."

"Would sort of suit me to have a girlfriend in an institution. Regulated meeting times. I might get to have a say in her medication. I'd like to be able to chemically alter my girlfriend's moods."

"Ah, soup! Lovely hug in a mug. All I need now is a kiss in a tube. A wank in a packet."

"She's proud of me for taking a little white pill of drugs, but probably if I'd fought at Goose Green she wouldn't want to know."

"I love you, Cally! You are the One! Let's get married by Sir Alan Sugar and live off all-butter croissants in Canary Wharf!"

"Oh, my God, this is brilliant. I'm a sex robot servicing the One. I always wondered what my fetish was, and it seems that what truly turns me on is being basically absent for most of the sex act."

Fave Big Suze quote...

"Me and Johnson are over. He's looking for someone more subservient on the internet."

The funniest thing ever in Peep Show didn't have any words. It's the look Mark gives Jeremy after Jez leaves the bedroom having broken 'the last taboo'.

Dan

^^Lol,or the look Mark gives Jez after he trys to phones the three digit number.

"Oh Nancy.Don't marry those gays"

"Course I did.How do you think I got these trainers"

(V/O) "Don't shit on my dreams. I don't want shit on my dreams."