This is only a rough (very rough) idea for a tv show.
as noone knows me i will say that some of the stuff in this has been roughly based on things that have happened in my own life although slightly fictionalised

i jus want to know what you think of it:

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The main premis of this idea is that there are three friends who live in a deadend town where the most exciting thing that happens is when theres two for one on toilet rolls in the local supermarket. The three friends have very different personalities but seem to stay friends dispite this very obvious fact.

One has OCD tendancies and is freakishly protctive about his possesions. Everything has to be planned right down to what colour socks hes going to wear which is good because he has serious issues with the other two who are not as obsessed with keeping their limited edition film memrobelia in pristien condition or planning a trip to the dentist with military presision. This character has the potential to rub anyone up the wrong way although he does have his good moments and often his moments of genius when it comes to things to do in a place where there are no things to do not even hot women.

The second friend is the kind of person you can get along with very easily has a very laid back attitude towards his life and pretty much everything else, but has the common hate (as do the other two friends) for where they live. He is no where near as organized as the first character but has much better personal skills like pullin women and just gwetting on with everyone. He does dress in dark almost gothic clothing but claims to not be a goth as some people describe this particular social group. he does however listen to hard rock an smoke copious amounts of cannabis but understands that they all need to change their lives otherwise they will all end up stuck in this deadend place with no prospects for rockin his way around the world an screwin hot chics.

The third friend is much more level headed than the other two and is seen more as a mediator between them both an pretty much any situation he finds himself in. He has the ambition out of the three wanting to write stories and scripts. With a vivid imagination and his colourful and somtimes explicit use of the english language he seems to be able to cheer people up even in the worst of times. Although he is quite intelligent he can be very idiotic and not think before he speaks or acts. With him also pondering ways of escaping as well as his friends he discovers a few things about local residents giving him the idea to make life a little more exciting for him and his friends. Because as it turns out while hes researching for an artical hes writing for the local free paper he discovers that the place in which he has been living for the past 21 years has been hiding some of the worlds worst people who found the perfect place to hide themselves a place that people describe as a living cemetry is the perfect place to hide, from mob families to murderes, conmen to jewel theives.
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And so far thats all ive come up with but i think that with some more attention i can get at least a first episode script written up

and just to let you know this is the first time ive attempted to continue with an idea as i only started writing like this a couple of months ago please just tell me what you think and if you do take the time to read this then thanks in advance

Hi Comedy Coop

I read through this and would have to say there really is not enough detail to make a proper comment.

Three characters described in broad brush strokes don't really give the reader enough to make an informed decision one way or the other.

Only in the last couple of lines do we get the germ of a story that I think has potential.

As you already suggest, I think you need to work up a draft script of some sort and then see what others think.

Hope this is of some use to you.

Cheers

PS I'd watch spelling and presentation style a bit, as too many typos can put readers off and some may not persevere to the end of your work.

Hi Comedy Coop. I agree with Blenkinsop about the spelling and typos, particularly the lack of apostrophies (forgive me if I haven't spelt that right).

There really wasn't a lot to go on but by the time I'd got to the bit about all of these people hiding out in the arse end of nowhere, I was beginning to like the idea. I think that has potential. Good luck with producing a first draft!

The actual idea is very good and I think highly original if you plan it right.

Constructively:
You need a story thread for two or three characters in each episode. Plus an overall storyline that develops over a series for each main character. But you need to get a handle on the characters first. Altho there is a debate over plot versus character, most would say that characters determine story because it's the way individuals react to the same event (for example: a disaster - some become heroes, some are cowards, some break down etc) that drives storylines in different directions.

Run some basic character buiding exercises that are available on the net.

Questionaire type ones like "There's a fight in a pub, how will your character react?" Will he have started it, join in, hide, try to restore peace, or carry on drinking etc.

Other exercises like describing your characters' traits in one paragraph, five words (try doing it on yourself and friends first.) Then just two. Example: Dark loner / Apathetic Realist etc.

This is the groundwork you need to do to make a promising idea fly.
If you're already aware of these things, forgive my ignorance. But perservere, it could be very good.

I agree with SlagA I'm working on 2 sitcoms at the moment and not to piss on your original idea, I have something similar to that in the pipelines but there are varying differences.

Anyway, yeah try some exercises I found "locked in a room" a good one it really allows your characters to communicate, because at the end of the day your characters might not gel properly for comedy to happen.

Agreed with SlagA. There's some promise in the premise, and certainly worth developing, but not much for us to go on at the moment. Characterisation is a good start, but lacking in detail. Really need some examples of plot etc. to make a worthwhile comment though. Definitely interested in reading more, once you've got it.

And yes, improve on the grammar!

The idea sounds quite good - not too complicated is always best when it comes to sitcom.

I have to say though that if I were a commissioner your document would have been in the bin before I'd finished the second line... 3 errors in the first sentence ("dead-end", remove "when", "there's")!

The fact is, an amazingly funny idea is not good enough... you also have to demonstrate that you can execute it succinctly and that they're dealing with a professional standard writer here.

I'm sure it's just that you were typing quickly but do make sure your script is 100% perfect.

Hi Comedy Coop.

The characterisation sounds good but remember your characters' characters (if you will) should come out as a story is told and you shouldn't have to describe your characters in detail as you have done above.

Try write a story (not necessarily a script) and get your characters interacting with each other. They will need to conflict more or less *all* the time in some way as otherwise you won't have much to talk about in the plots! I don't mean necessarily fighting/disagreeing just not being best buddies all the time like it sounds they might be -- they need to be rubbing each other up in some ways (think Del Boy/Rodney or Lister/Rimmer for examples)

One other thing I've come to realise. Trying to write the pilot episode of a sitcom: don't try and write the 'first' (scene-setting/character-introduction) episode *first*. Write a couple of episodes based around the storylines and you'll get a much better sense of your characters, making it easier to write the 'first' episode later on. If that makes any sense.

Good luck with it!

My thoughts on presentation in general -- not aimed at you, coop, as I thought yours is okay compared to what I'm about to rant on about. I am the sort of anally retentive/OCD person who gets infuriated with bad presentation and grammar. Spelling does rub me up the wrong way but I can live with poor spelling as they usually convey the right message.

Itz peeps hoo uz txtmsg spk and don't use grammar at all and don't seem to give a shit or review their far-too-long sentences and just train-of-thought passages with no going back to check what they've written makes any sense or looks nice or is *EASY TO READ* or understandable.

Note to those people: *I* won't read it and I'm a nobody in the comedy world. It might be the best thing anyone's ever written anywhere ever but it won't get read by producers/production companies just by virtue of the spelling and grammar being awful and the fact that it's been sent on crumpled paper written in yellow crayon. Sort it out.

Yours vitriolically

Dan

Quote: swerytd @ December 13, 2006, 11:39 AM

Hi Comedy Coop.

Itz peeps hoo uz txtmsg spk and don't use grammar at all and don't seem to give a shit or review their far-too-long sentences and just train-of-thought passages with no going back to check what they've written makes any sense or looks nice or is *EASY TO READ* or understandable.

Dan

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Quite right Dan.

Quote: swerytd @ December 13, 2006, 11:39 AM

Hi Comedy Coop.

One other thing I've come to realise. Trying to write the pilot episode of a sitcom: don't try and write the 'first' (scene-setting/character-introduction) episode *first*. Write a couple of episodes based around the storylines and you'll get a much better sense of your characters, making it easier to write the 'first' episode later on. If that makes any sense.

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I think this could be good advice. Here is an extract from the BBC writers room submission guidelines, giving you tips on what you should achieve in your submission:

"does the script tell a self-contained story that introduces the main characters and sets up the series premise?"

Here is a quote from a letter I received from BBC writers room last week:

"In general, it's better to submit a mid series episode of a sitcom, as it's hard to get an idea of what everything will be like every week from an introductory episode...."

Which is something I'd heard before but slavishly wrote the first episode to try and comply explicitly with their guidelines.

Sometimes that pallet of baked beans on the floor by the empty supermarket shelf seems so tempting...... Life was so much easier then.

Hi Steve

Quote: steve by any other name @ December 13, 2006, 2:29 PM

"does the script tell a self-contained story that introduces the main characters and sets up the series premise?"

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The more I read this, the more it *does* sound like they want a mid-series episode BUT when I read it the first time (and indeed about 200 subsequent times), it did sound like they did want the 'first' episode. I think it's badly worded. Maybe deliberately, but that would be *really* cynical of me to suggest

Bizarrely, I think it makes more sense *after* you get the letter you got!

Dan

Quote: steve by any other name @ December 13, 2006, 2:29 PM

"does the script tell a self-contained story that introduces the main characters and sets up the series premise?"

Here is a quote from a letter I received from BBC writers room last week:

"In general, it's better to submit a mid series episode of a sitcom, as it's hard to get an idea of what everything will be like every week from an introductory episode...."

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I think it depends upon the set up.
Steve, was this a 'personal' response to your 'Sick on your shoulder' piece?
It looked like that series was going to have the guy as house-husband and the wife back at work. But the first episode was before the role-reversal.

(Rather like the first episode of The Good Life had Tom still at work)

Incidentally, I liked the dialogue in your piece. As I understand it, you do very well to get Writersroom to read more than ten pages of a script and give any response.

i must point out that the spelling and grammar wrnt on my mind as it was more of a indescript rambling of an idea that, well i suppose came to me. Although it was a rough (very rough) type up of what i had thought of. But i will say this i am most pleased with the replys and with your ideas to get started on a rough script as well as a story so that the characters can be put into some kind of context and in somekind of situation. And to tell the truth in my own opinon i think the rough stuff i did produce (for a first time writer) was quite good. Althought i did only produce a small look at the characters and pretty much no situation for them to be put in but as i said before its only the notes i remembered when i typed it up that were seen. So when theres somthing more for you to give your opinion on i will put it up on the forum and wait for your critisism whether good or bad as i need all the advice i can get my hands on.

Quote: comedy coop @ December 16, 2006, 1:31 PM

i must point out that the spelling and grammar wrnt on my mind as it was more of a indescript rambling of an idea that, well i suppose came to me. Although it was a rough (very rough) type up of what i had thought of.

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Good presentation is of massive importance. It doesn't matter if you're posting an idea on a forum or sending a script to a production company - you have to do everything in your power to keep the reader interested. The bad spelling, lack of commas etc and rambling nature of the post meant that I lost interest in your idea after a couple of sentences. It's not enough to say that it was a very rough write up - you need to be more disciplined and only post and submit material when you're 100 per cent happy with it. Sorry if that sounds harsh but you did ask for feedback.

OMG! Spelling grammer who cares eh! I refuse to re-take an English exam in order to fulfil a lifetime's ambition to be a writer.If my spelling is el'crapo and my punctuation whifs of (*na na na na na bet you were'nt the teachers pet dumbo*) then tough! 'Fook em'.I write as i speak. If that is going to get me *binned* for my effort then fook them too.
I do agree wiith presentation, but grabbing one's interest seems by far more important than the i before the e and the comma toes.

Feel free to correct my grammer, i may feel the need to hunt you down and shove a giant exclamation mark up your arse.

Anyhoo! A writers work is their bubba. When i want to show you a bit of my baby, i will expect fair criticism and honest remarks. you can tell me the plot is nasty and the charachters are a disgrace,however, mention my spelling & grammer god damn you, and i will claim your soul.
My writing is a figment of my magination, as is with all writers. Unique, no matter how bad.(please note i have purposly left out the i from imagination so as to wind up you correctomondo's)

I am a nice person normaly, i am very argumentative today.

Quote: charley rance @ December 16, 2006, 3:27 PM

If my spelling is el'crapo and my punctuation whifs of (*na na na na na bet you were'nt the teachers pet dumbo*) then tough! 'Fook em'.I write as i speak. If that is going to get me *binned* for my effort then fook them too.

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Nice attitude. You'll go far with that kind of outlook.