I'm very excited about this year's Edinburgh Festival, because not only am I premièring my new stand-up show Feminist Porno Jihadi, but I also launch Nickula! BrandRevell (c): a new holistic and 98% gluten-free paradigm-breaking online paradigm of celebrity-fan synergy.

Followers of @nickula will be first to get the latest cutting-edge lifestyle advice and the hottest inside sleb gossip from the planet's humblest role model, trend-setter and first true demi-God of the cyber era... You will have privileged priority access to superhip merchandising before the unCool even know it's HOT!!

This month I offer - the NickieStick: Whether you are in a War Zone temporarily for that all-important UN-sponsored projection of a caring image, or trapped there on a longer-term basis, you'll find the NickieStick, a camouflaged selfie-stick, invaluable for taking those all-important War Zone selfies when the snipers are buzzing like paparazzi!!... (Unfortunately the free BrandNickula! t-shirts are not yet available owing to unforeseen conflagration issues in the Bangladesh sweat-shop area.)

However, we do also offer the first in our regular series - "What does Gwyneth know anyway?!!" - "To Steam or Lightly Poach? Solving your every day Vaginal Cleansing Dilemmas - six experts offer their advice "... plus a guide to the top ten Celebrity UniSex Genital Sprucing Bars near you... Sprucing is the New Grooming!

¡And! Communing with The Cosmos!! - 1,000 Life-Hacks to Enlightenment: In this issue - #1 - How To Keep Your Dignity On The Ashram When You're In the Lotus Position and Your Sphincter Goes Walkabout!

Plus - Smoking - Is it The NEW KALE?

Undisconnecting the disconnect between spiritual contentment and feeling good in overpriced fashion items is a delicate and complex process. As a former international catwalk model, gnomic guru and leftfield androgynous sex-symbol, I feel truly uniquely positioned to offer so called ordinary people the way to a higher level of existence. Of course, with this duty comes great responsibility and I am truly humbled at the awesome path destiny and the universe have called upon me to discharge.

So just sign up with your credit card today, and we can begin the life-changing hike to the peak of Mount Awesome... together!

'Nick Revell: Feminist Porno Jihadi' is at 10:05pm at The Stand Comedy Club 5 and 6 on 6-16, 18-30 August. Listing

Latest research suggests cigarettes could be the new super-food, assisting in anti-ageing and hair gain. Sounds ridiculous? Check out these two photos, and see if you can guess which was taken in 1986 and which was taken in 2014... the results might surprise you. Or might not...