Quote: Woozie @ 20th August 2015, 5:41 PM BST

I felt the same way when I wrote them but I posted them just for the sake of it. So, I do agree.

Here's one with a limited audience:

The Undertaker's brother stands at the ready. So he's Kane and able.

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Well this joke kinda runs aground on 3 points

1 It's dated, there's been endless jokes about kane and abel.

E.g. why did kane get a taxi home from the pub? He wasn't able to drive.

2

Kane as an undertaker is way to tenuos a link to get a laugh. It has to be something instantaneous. Like cane to kane.

E.g. Abel had bad diabetese cane sugar killed him.[ shit joke but you get the point]

3

Adding the word so is much too obvious a red flag for a punchline, it pauses the listener and say's hey dude, punchlines coming.

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 21st August 2015, 9:49 AM BST

I told Jade Jagger to stop quoting Temptations lyrics. She said, 'Papa was a Rolling Stone.'

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Oscar Wilde was a huge fan of Motown but told me he'd given up buying records as it was it costing him too much money.

I was surprised therefore when a few days later I saw him walking along Oxford Street, carrying a brand new copy of 'Papa was a Rolling Stone'.

He explained, "I can resist anything except The Temptations".

Mick Jagger is so old he's rerecording Sympathy for the devil as Afternoon tea for the old devil.

What day do the Rolling Stones have curry each week
Ruby Tuesday

How do you which side to play, The Doors by the Doors?

Look for the one that says, this is the end.

People in the Sahara desert are so full of hot air.

My cat used to star in the Whiskas ads, but they laid him off a couple of years ago. He hasn't found a job since.

So much for them always landing on their feet.

Quote: Nick81 @ 21st August 2015, 12:16 PM BST

My cat used to star in the Whiskas ads, but they laid him off a couple of years ago. He hasn't found a job since.

So much for them cats always landing on their feet.

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Quote: billwill @ 21st August 2015, 12:32 PM BST

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Neater, nice.

Trampolines are on the decline but I'm sure they'll bounce back.

Etch-A-Sketch are evil. We need to wipe them out.

I bought a new carpet. It's a dog with a crash helmet.

I'm here all week. Because I'm sad, lonely and I've got no friends... and no legs... send help.

I bought an adult bouncy castle yesterday!
Sounds so much better than "I bought a blow up doll!!!"

Quote: Rood Eye @ 21st August 2015, 10:09 AM BST

Oscar Wilde was a huge fan of Motown but told me he'd given up buying records as it was it costing him too much money.

I was surprised therefore when a few days later I saw him walking along Oxford Street, carrying a brand new copy of 'Papa was a Rolling Stone'.

He explained, "I can resist anything except The Temptations".

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My dad keeps lecturing me about my Madonna obsession. I said, 'Papa, don't preach.'

I bought a punctured bouncy castle
it was a big let down

I punctured my inflatable sex doll, that way it always goes down on me

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 21st August 2015, 1:40 PM BST

my Madonna obsession

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You're mad on 'er, which is appropriate.