Michael is the central point of this sitcom. His marriage to cold Pippa has slowed down so much that the only excitement he has in his day is Judge John Deed (which is saying something!).
A rather bog standard middle-class businessman, Michael is romantically and sexually shy, clumsy, uptight and nervous. After spending ages plucking up the courage, he stumbles into The Debonnaire and falls head-over-heels for the beautiful Hayley- the dimmest but perhaps sweetest of the working girls. Whilst his wife has said less than complementary things about his lack of a tan (comparing him to a ghost white paint colour), Hayley tells Kate that she thinks he is quite attractive.
Michael is currently living in constant fear that Barry, his decorator and a fellow brothel customer, will let on to his wife that he isn't actually attending music lessons each week.
Sweet-natured Hayley is very attractive but you have to suspect that her good looks have not always helped her - the attention from boys at school must have distracted her from learning because she is, to put it lightly, very, very naïve about pretty much everything. She even asks which football team Slobodan Milosevic plays for!
Hayley has no real ambitions in life and seems quite content working for Maureen. She is surprised that Michael asks her about her thoughts and dreams as it isn't something the normal punter at The Debonnaire is concerned about.
Smart and attractive Kate is working in the sex trade to pay off her student loans, it being a quicker method than, say, stacking shelves at Tesco.
With an IQ several hundred points higher than the rest of the girls she should probably be a little aloof, yet she isn't. She's very friendly with the other girls. Her main problem is that she's often so busy buried in her laptop studying that she's never really fully prepared when a client arrives.
Naomi is the 'maid' at The Debonnaire. In other words she is the brothel's secretary, who answers the phone, takes the bookings, greets customers at the door and carries out other similar non-sexual tasks.
It seems Naomi can never quite get Maureen's instructions right despite trying very hard and putting a lot of effort in. For example she burst into a customer's room to pretend to be his angry wife (as requested), the only problem being she gets the wrong room - Michael, terrified at the best of times, ends up running down the street in his underpants.
Maureen is the proprietor of The Debonnaire. She's the woman punters choose if they're looking for, as she describes it, "a more demanding experience". Apparently she is just 27 although the validity of this claim is more suspect than the contents of her dish washer.
As the owner of the business, Maureen is mainly interested in the profits. She seems to have a never ending supply of maxims and regularly quotes these to the girls working for her to make sure they get the most cash out of their clients in the quickest time - for example: "less gabble, more gobble"!
Pippa is Michael's clever but very cold, snobby and boring wife. She's more interested in reading a book than showing him any attention and would rather look over potential tile patterns for their new bathroom than join Michael in the bedroom.
Although she starts to notice changes in Michael and clocks his suspicious behaviour (such as a sudden apparent interest in 'ghetto bling') it doesn't seem to trigger any alarm bells in her head.
Haughty Eastern European Yelena is rather arrogant about her 'charms' and certainly looks down upon the men who visit the brothel: "Men are like cashpoints with cocks. I milk them and then I buy beautiful things." Indeed, it seems her massive ego knows no bounds as she is constantly pointing out how much better she is than the other girls.
Yelena is intimidating in the extreme, someone to be fearful of for sure. Her unusual taste in men, Slobodan Milosevic for example, suggests the punters ought to be very careful around her. One wrong move and they could be in a lot of pain.
Barry is managing Pippa and Michael's house redecoration plans. He's a jolly and up-beat man and an almost daily visitor to Maureen's brothel (expect for Sundays when he really is at jazz club). He's quite unashamed about visiting The Debonnaire and would probably happily tell anyone who queried him about it.
Barry finds it very amusing that Michael is also visiting the brothel but has promised not to tell Pippa. He came up with an alibi to stop Pippa getting suspicious of where Michael is going but unfortunately for Michael "double bass lessons" are neither convincing nor convenient! Will Barry be able to keep his mouth shut or will he make one too many double-entente references to his and Michael's shared secret whilst in the company of Pippa?