It's staff assessment day at Holy Saints School, and Bill Taddler's new colleague and co-Deputy Head, Lesley Parkes is putting pressure on him to deal with a narcoleptic colleague of some 20 years' standing.

It's staff assessment day at Holy Saints School, and Bill Taddler's new colleague and co-Deputy Head, Lesley Parkes is putting pressure on him to deal with a narcoleptic colleague of some 20 years' standing. At home, Bill's wife, Sheila, is also putting pressure on him: to take her beloved dog, Tyke, to a kennels before they go on holiday. For Bill, it's all too much and in the chaos, he accidentally runs Tyke over and kills him. Sheila reacts accordingly!

A Pitbull Handbook has been stolen from a neighbouring library forcing genius library theorist Ken Stockton, to resign. In the resulting fall-out, Geoff is offered his job. Sue is devastated and in light of their burgeoning flirtation, desperate to keep Geoff where he is. Meanwhile, the library vandal strikes again, this time with an origami 'pop-up' penis glued inside a romance novel.

Eenie Thompson and Norman consult the shadowy Big Pete - glimpsed only in silhouette - about taming their pitbull, Sabre. He knows just the manual to help.

Whilst in the safety of her living room, Carol wins gold for England as Dame Kelly Holmes - but who will play the big Hungarian? Certainly not Denise...