In Horton-le-Hole, folk-loving geography teacher, Bill Taddler is interviewed for the job of his dreams: Deputy Head of Holy Saints. His wife, Sheila, is unimpressed if his last six attempts are anything to go by, but Bill thinks he could be in with a chance...

Meanwhile, arsonist Eenie Thompson, 73, a dwarf with a sideline in bus stop Tarot readings, has a little difficulty shifting a lorryload of Dresden Shepherdesses that want 'selling on'. And there's intrigue at the local library. Apart from the ever-present danger of a the most expensive book in the library going missing - the chained up Pitbull Handbook - it appears there is a serial vandal on the loose: an unseen hand is systematically vandalising the Romantic Fiction. It's clearly a job for the smooth talking, noir-loving library manager, Geoff Torville and his femme fatale, senior Scale Two, Sue McCardle. Fearing it could be an inside job, Sue and Geoff make a pact to trust nobody... and a grand passion is ignited.

Elsewhere, quiet and unassuming librarian, Denise Taylor prepares for her big night in... at the opera. Behind the closed curtains of optician Carol Gomez's bungalow, the two women pretend to be a celebrated diva and her loyal conductor in a highly-charged fantasy role play that suggests there's more to Carol and Denise's relationship than meets the eye...