Quotes

There's no such thing as gay. It's just laziness.

Linda (Kathy Burke) in Series 1, Episode 3

Beryl explains why she hasn't been able to dance since November 1990

I had an unfortunate incident with an apple pie in a well-known fast food chain. I can't tell you the name for libel reasons, but he was old - and he had a farm.

Beryl (Rosalind Knight) in Series 1, Episode 4

Sugar: "Look, I had nowhere else to go. I'm on the run from the press, and they wouldn't expect to find me in a shithole like this."

Linda gasps, insulted.

Linda: "You can only judge a shithole by the turds that pass through it."

Linda reacts to Tom's acquisition of a pet cat, Damoose

Tom, I ain't a pussy person. When people look at me they don't think 'cat', they think 'dog'.

Linda (Kathy Burke) in Series 2, Episode 3

Linda and Tom argue as he hits the big 3-0.

Linda: "Blimey, I hope I ain't going to be this vile when I hit thirty."

Tom: "You're thirty-six."

Linda: "Bollocks, I'm twenty-eight."

Tom: "Stone."

in Series 2, Episode 4

Linda reveals she's had a thought

Suze: "Actually Linda, I've just had a thought..."

Linda: "I had one of them last year. It's weird, innit?"

in Series 3, Episode 5

Jez: "Linda remember your body is a temple."

Tom: "Yup, the Taj Mahal. That's about the size of it."