BCG Pro Gag-a-Week competition

BCG Pro Gag-a-Week

This is our weekly joke contest. BCG Pro subscribers are encouraged to submit a gag on a specified topic for a chance to win cash. The BCG Pro editors will pick their favourite from all submissions, with the winner receiving £10 cash and their joke shared with credit on British Comedy Guide's social media accounts and Monday email newsletter, reaching more than 150,000 comedy fans.

The judging is carried out 'blind', so there's no limit to the number of times you can win - but you can only enter ONE joke per week!

This week's topic...


Can you think of a good one-liner? If so, enter your gag below!

Deadline to submit: Monday 27th May, 00:59

This competition is for BCG Pro members
You must be a BCG Pro subscriber to take part in this competition. If you are already a subscriber, please sign in now to access the entry form. If you're not yet a member, why not sign up now? BCG Pro offers tools, insights and more to help you create comedy.

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Last 20 winners

My grandfather was a sailor who could never remember the alphabet, he died at C.
Sean Fee
The stock market
My local vicar earned a lot of money on the stock market. Great in vestments, that guy.
Alice Hancock
Icarus had a bad experience at Nando's. It was the hot wings.
David Kidder
Private detectives
I used to investigate hedge funds - what's known as a privet detective.
I've just booked trips to Versailles, Maastricht and Paris. It was expensive, but you've got to treaty yourself.
Jonny King
Call me petty, but I'm not going to my Grandma's funeral, she's been ghosting me all week.
Kayleigh Jones
The theatre
The overweight performer went on the Actor's Diet - you have to watch your entrances and exits.
Paul Larkin
The weekend
My wife thought that a dirty weekend away would be good for our marriage. I guess we'll see when I get back.
Tony Coe
I always struggle when asked to name my favourite film, but I'm going to go with "Cling"
Chris Collyer
It's really easy buying clothes for fortune tellers. They're all mediums.
Dan Payne
The toilet
Onamatopeia - when you get home drunk and don't quite make it to the toilet
Dean Harmer
I once had shares in a treacle company but I sold them to cut molasses
Claire Oliver
Friends are just enemies you haven't yet gone camping with.
I once painted a picture of myself posing in a mirror. 'Narcissism' is just one of my poor traits.
Tony Coe
I asked my girlfriend if she liked mange tout. she said 'I don't know, I haven't even seen the first one'.
Tony Coe
I went to the 24 hour garage to fill up on booze. Now the Volvo won't start.
Gavin Webb
I'll never forget Sunday afternoons making Nesquik with my grandparents. Shame mum took away the urn.
Marc Pinto
The car I got from Switzerland won't change gears. It's always neutral.
Dan Payne
It takes some people ages to lose their virginity, but not me; 12 seconds! Done!
Philip Simon
My girlfriend is always reminding me that she is a gift to me... Unfortunately I can't remember where I put the receipt.
Fergi Dean


This competition is open for entries until further notice. You must have a valid BCG Pro subscription to enter.

You may submit one joke in each entry window. Entry windows normally last a week each, running from Monday through to Sunday.

British Comedy Guide reserves the right to alter the terms of this contest and/or the duration of any entry window at its discretion.

All entries must be the original work of the entrant, and must not infringe the rights of any other party.

At the closure of each entry window British Comedy Guide's editorial team will select their favourite joke as that window's winner. If deemed suitable for a general audience, the joke will be shared via British Comedy Guide's Facebook, Instagram and Twitter accounts, and in the website's Weekly Newsletter (normally sent on a Monday). The winning entrant will be credited by name and, if submitted with a Twitter handle, by that on the Tweet.

Jokes may be ommitted from Twitter if their length and a necessary explanation exceeds the platform's character limit.

The winner will receive £10 in cash. This can be paid via BACS or PayPal.