BCG Pro Gag-a-Week competition
This is our weekly joke contest. BCG Pro subscribers are encouraged to submit a gag on a specified topic for a chance to win cash. The BCG Pro editors will pick their favourite from all submissions, with the winner receiving £10 cash and their joke shared with credit on British Comedy Guide's social media accounts and Monday email newsletter, reaching more than 150,000 comedy fans.
The judging is carried out 'blind', so there's no limit to the number of times you can win - but you can only enter ONE joke per week!
This week's topic...
Can you think of a good one-liner? If so, enter your gag below!
Deadline to submit: Sunday 3rd December, 23:59
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Last 20 winners
Last week I went on a school field trip. It was well boring. Seen one school field, you've seen them all.
- The supermarket
My friends staged an intervention because I keep muddling supermarket slogans. Guess every Lidl helps.
Artificial Insemination? Straight up, No Bull.
The poltergeist in my house hasn't done anything for months. I think I'm being ghosted.
The airport charged me for exceeding my baggage weight. The most expensive children's ticket I've ever bought.
Don't buy oak based presents for Mariah Carey, all she wants for Christmas is yew.
Is it called a remote control because it never seems to be nearby when I'm looking for it?
There was a huge explosion when a PG Tips lorry crashed onto a golf course. It was a deadly combination of tea and tee.
We lived in such deprivation as children, we contracted scarlet fever in black and white.
I filmed myself to see if I was getting enough REM sleep. Yeah, that's me in the corner.
My friend once launched my lunch right across the room. I believe it was a rocket salad.
- Best man speech
My last best man's speech was a metaphor for the whole marriage: short, occasionally funny, and ruined by one of the bridesmaids.
I think there's mice in my back passage. Squeaky bum time.
I realised I'd hit rock bottom when I had diarrhoea and ate feathers. I felt down in the dumps.
To headline at Glastonbury now you now have to recruit two other acts, who each have to find two more performers and so on. It's a pyramid stage scheme.
I made a mistake buying shares in a company of acrobats. All they did was tumble.
I'm reading a story about a pigtailed Swedish girl who never caught covid. PPE Longstocking.
- Ice cream
Let me tell you the tale of how an ice cream sundae ruined an attempt at seduction: it's a knicker-blocker story.
I saw a squirrel with man boobs. Though thinking about it, they may have been chest nuts.
That French arsonist did a great job on the sweetie shop: it was a bon bon-bon bonfire.
This competition is open for entries until further notice. You must have a valid BCG Pro subscription to enter.
You may submit one joke in each entry window. Entry windows normally last a week each, running from Monday through to Sunday.
British Comedy Guide reserves the right to alter the terms of this contest and/or the duration of any entry window at its discretion.
All entries must be the original work of the entrant, and must not infringe the rights of any other party.
At the closure of each entry window British Comedy Guide's editorial team will select their favourite joke as that window's winner. If deemed suitable for a general audience, the joke will be shared via British Comedy Guide's Facebook, Instagram and Twitter accounts, and in the website's Weekly Newsletter (normally sent on a Monday). The winning entrant will be credited by name and, if submitted with a Twitter handle, by that on the Tweet.
Jokes may be ommitted from Twitter if their length and a necessary explanation exceeds the platform's character limit.
The winner will receive £10 in cash. This can be paid via BACS or PayPal.