This is our weekly joke contest. BCG Pro subscribers are encouraged to submit a gag on a specified topic for a chance to win cash. The BCG Pro editors will pick their favourite from all submissions, with the winner receiving £10 cash and their joke shared with credit on British Comedy Guide's social media accounts and Monday email newsletter, reaching more than 150,000 comedy fans.

The judging is carried out 'blind', so there's no limit to the number of times you can win - but you can only enter ONE joke per week!

This week's topic...

Dinner

Can you think of a good one-liner? If so, enter your gag below!

Deadline to submit: Sunday 3rd December, 23:59

Last 20 winners

School

Last week I went on a school field trip. It was well boring. Seen one school field, you've seen them all.
Hatty Hodgson

The supermarket

My friends staged an intervention because I keep muddling supermarket slogans. Guess every Lidl helps.
Marc Pinto

Cows

Artificial Insemination? Straight up, No Bull.
Mike Grace

Halloween

The poltergeist in my house hasn't done anything for months. I think I'm being ghosted.
David Kidder

Airports

The airport charged me for exceeding my baggage weight. The most expensive children's ticket I've ever bought.
Nathan Cowley

Trees

Don't buy oak based presents for Mariah Carey, all she wants for Christmas is yew.
Stuart Cooke

Remote

Is it called a remote control because it never seems to be nearby when I'm looking for it?
Kamien Deane

Explosion

There was a huge explosion when a PG Tips lorry crashed onto a golf course. It was a deadly combination of tea and tee.
Chris Ballard

Deprivation

We lived in such deprivation as children, we contracted scarlet fever in black and white.
Anthony Hird

Sleep

I filmed myself to see if I was getting enough REM sleep. Yeah, that's me in the corner.
Marc Pinto

Launch

My friend once launched my lunch right across the room. I believe it was a rocket salad.
Sean Fee

Best man speech

My last best man's speech was a metaphor for the whole marriage: short, occasionally funny, and ruined by one of the bridesmaids.
James Docherty

Mice

I think there's mice in my back passage. Squeaky bum time.
Graham Parry

Bottoms

I realised I'd hit rock bottom when I had diarrhoea and ate feathers. I felt down in the dumps.
Michael Monkhouse

Festivals

To headline at Glastonbury now you now have to recruit two other acts, who each have to find two more performers and so on. It's a pyramid stage scheme.
Alex Buchanan

Acrobats

I made a mistake buying shares in a company of acrobats. All they did was tumble.
Dan Payne

Socks

I'm reading a story about a pigtailed Swedish girl who never caught covid. PPE Longstocking.
Alex Buchanan

Ice cream

Let me tell you the tale of how an ice cream sundae ruined an attempt at seduction: it's a knicker-blocker story.
James Docherty

Squirrels

I saw a squirrel with man boobs. Though thinking about it, they may have been chest nuts.
Philip Simon

Fire

That French arsonist did a great job on the sweetie shop: it was a bon bon-bon bonfire.
Ali Panting

Rules

This competition is open for entries until further notice. You must have a valid BCG Pro subscription to enter.

You may submit one joke in each entry window. Entry windows normally last a week each, running from Monday through to Sunday.

British Comedy Guide reserves the right to alter the terms of this contest and/or the duration of any entry window at its discretion.

All entries must be the original work of the entrant, and must not infringe the rights of any other party.

At the closure of each entry window British Comedy Guide's editorial team will select their favourite joke as that window's winner. If deemed suitable for a general audience, the joke will be shared via British Comedy Guide's Facebook, Instagram and Twitter accounts, and in the website's Weekly Newsletter (normally sent on a Monday). The winning entrant will be credited by name and, if submitted with a Twitter handle, by that on the Tweet.

Jokes may be ommitted from Twitter if their length and a necessary explanation exceeds the platform's character limit.

The winner will receive £10 in cash. This can be paid via BACS or PayPal.